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Posted 4/22/2014 9:28 PM (GMT 0)
September of last year, the girl I planned to marry kicked me out. All on my own doing, as time went on for the 3 years of us I guess the flatline of the excitement in our relationship brought my demons back out. I was unpleasant and deserved to be left but at the same time it still hurts. I'm trying to move on. I was homeless for a few weeks also in turn losing the job we drove to together after she kicked me out. An acquaintance at work told me that he had an extra room I moved in. The house is far from walking distance from the city or anything useful other than the 7-11 i am working at, making only enough to pay rent and leaving me $20 to live off of for 2 weeks at a time so I am no closer to getting a car than when i moved in months ago. I dont have any friends and spend absolutely all of my time alone and still cant get the girl off my mind. I want to progress in life and be making something of myself and I feel there is absolutely no way at this point. Maybe I'm not meant to and maybe this post doesnt even make sense, but I'm so angry, absolutely alone, and cant even afford to be alone comfortably (ex:with stomache in my food and the ability to have fun) I'm just lost, I dont know what to do. Life wouldve been much better with my ex if I hadnt screwed up and I cant help but replay that in my head everyday and in every dream. I'm goin crazy here.
Posted 4/22/2014 9:33 PM (GMT 0)
Hi Billy,

Ouch.. that's one rough rock you landed on. How about thinking for the future ? First off, find a stable job and work extra hard with it. Work with small steps.

May I ask on what did you do to make your ex kick you out ?

Technically, everyone on earth's going crazy so you're not alone. Healing thoughts to you.

Joanne.
Posted 4/22/2014 9:55 PM (GMT 0)
Hi Joanne thankyou for your reply.
I want to think about the future but I dont see myself going anywhere, im so stuck. Im far from walking distance for any other businesses and im 22 and already have no cartilage in my hip and a blown out knee so walking anywhere is out. My ex kicked me out due to the fact of my underlying anger, she always wanted me to get therapy for just the rough childhood i had, when i get angry i blackout, say and do hurtful things eventually calm down and wake up in the aftermath of what i had created. She didnt feel wanted anymore and was always on edge because of me. I know I can't hate myself for putting her to that point but i still resent myself so much. She was all I had and the only person who ever really pulled for me. I have family who ignores me and no friends so it was just us against the world and I ruined it.
Posted 4/22/2014 9:57 PM (GMT 0)
Hi Carl, thankyou for replying.
Yeah I feel like the no eating has helped the mental stress pile up recently. im 6'3 and was 145, so i was a stick already, in the past 3 weeks i have lost 35 lbs. Scares me lol and I feel horrible about how skinny ive gotten
Posted 4/22/2014 10:05 PM (GMT 0)
Unfortunately
Posted 4/22/2014 10:09 PM (GMT 0)
Lack of transportation is nasty .......

   Is there any kind of clinic you could go to - even maybe with a ride from your housemate/roomate.

   It sounds like physical help is needed .... then some emotional help. Hopefully there are some of both that you can reach - that are based on free service to those in need ... like with small verifiable incomes.

   Try to let go of guilt. It's only going to get in the way of moving forward.

Wishing you progress

Rob & Gizmo

 

Posted 4/22/2014 10:14 PM (GMT 0)
No, no rides unfortunately, I work midnights and the roommate is rarely ever here on top of working the weekdays. I almost resent going for the mental side of help. I had been in and out of it my whole life, just seemed no matter how hard I try or how nice things get for a moment, i always end up in this position of loneliness and hurt. I am afraid I will never get to a point where I like myself or a point where I can provide for myself. When my ex took me in, we werent together, she liked me and i didnt feel the same for her tho we were best friends, but i was living in a shed in an abandoned backyard in the middle of the winter. I soon fell hard and fast for her and life started to pick up and then I blew it all away.

Post Edited (CatfishBilly) : 4/22/2014 4:17:26 PM (GMT-6)

Posted 4/22/2014 10:28 PM (GMT 0)
Yes I recieve foodstamps but only $16 a month. And they are all important to me, just going through everything alone is what makes me feel helpless. Its like why dont people wanna be MY friends ya know? Is there something about me and I suppose there is seeing as how it seems to be the exact reason Katie left. I'm also at the point where my health doesnt even matter to me, I just want a relationship with a person, to feel like someone out there has my back and im not alone in a world of however many billion people there are. Because if my health were to the point that i died today (far exaggeration) i would atleast know there was people who loved me and cared that I existed, thats all i want. to be wanted

Post Edited (CatfishBilly) : 4/22/2014 4:32:49 PM (GMT-6)

Posted 4/22/2014 10:48 PM (GMT 0)
No it was $33 then they contacted me and said they had screwed it up and changed it to $16. I just find it hard to see achieving any of what I want when im stuck in the middle of nowhere and too broke to change it, yet too far to find a better job. Frustrating. I know im just 22 but im sick of it being so hard. Ive been out on my own (sometimes homeless but mostly couch hopping) since I was 14, i just want a break. but maybe it is not meant to happen for some people (being me) just as it is meant to work for others, there is a yin just as there is a yang. One wouldnt exist without the other. Ive slowly come to think maybe im just the person that bad things happen to so that good things can exist for others. I dont even know anymore, like i said im just so lost and angry. And I dont even know what im honestly angry about. I know that life isnt always fair, but I thought it would be at least some of the time. Everyone I went to school with is married or married with children (i dont want kids for years lol) and teachers and in law school or med school. And here i am. No better off than I was back then. Why cant I move forward without being pulled further back than i was to begin with? And im semi-relieved you understand the misery of working in public watching people come through work with everything i wish i had. I wasnt even going to delve into that cause noone usually understands lol. But yeah what i want in life is dangled in front of my face everyday, it is rough.

Post Edited (CatfishBilly) : 4/22/2014 4:54:22 PM (GMT-6)

Posted 4/22/2014 11:02 PM (GMT 0)
Bill, I'm sincerely sorry on what you're going thru but you gotta know that there must be a way. Trap is the feeling you feel for a temporary time being but the meaning trap on this world forever is bull. You and I both know that there's something out there that can help you. We just gotta think harder and I bet with the help of many people here, we all can think of a way out.

22 is an awfully young age to give up. Okay, so no transportation and your location is nowhere near the city.. How about you rent a small place in the city (something cheap) for awhile and find a better job with a higher salary there ? First few months will be extremely tough but it's even out soon. Of course your roommate wouldn't mind sparing some time and help you out for a bit right ? As soon as you're able to rent a better house (and I mean when you're seriously stable; not just a 50/50 chance stable-unstable kinda state) go for it.

After that, get medical help on your mental state. and physical.

I know this idea sounds kinda dumb for adults but it's the best that I can come up with for the time being..

And just so you know, if you die today (for exaggeration), I will be the one who will blame myself for not helping you better. For not helping you much. For not providing the things that you need. I care about every people on earth who's suffering. And that includes you. I care about you and death for you is the least thought I have in mind for your future. You can do this. You've made it this far, it'll be such a waste if you give up now. It'll be much more worth it to figure a way out.

PS- 110 pounds is definitely NOT good. I hope something good will come up. You've been thru enough and it's time to end it all and start a new head start.
Posted 4/22/2014 11:12 PM (GMT 0)
ive always made music, and always wanted to be a musician. I want to express how I feel and people be able to relate and find a sense of escape and feel like they arent alone through my music, i want to help ease all the feelings Ive always had. people say i have a gift but everyone gets that at somepoint. i only finished highschool. But yes a lot of my friends have families and yes a lot of them really might as well be rabbits lol not that that is necessarily what i want. but i would like a significant other or atleast a friend.

I would love to move into town but it doesnt seem possible right now. I would need to already have money saved and to find a new job and have it set when I got into the city. And i dont make enough right now to apply for low income housing.

And again, thank you all for continuing to reply. Ive never used a site like this. But other than through work and passing my roommate somedays in the hall. I havent had another person to talk to about anything at all since I was with my ex

Post Edited (CatfishBilly) : 4/22/2014 5:15:16 PM (GMT-6)

Posted 4/22/2014 11:20 PM (GMT 0)
I agree to you. Music is an escape to something different and something that you can control. You can repeat, skip or just listen to that song. You can do a remix, a cover and lots more things that you can do with it.

Well if you say that specific gift, not everybody has it. Not everybody gets it. Not everybody will ever get it. Your talent is in music and that's wonderful. Did you take any specific lesson in music or do you just simply have that talent on playing it without even learning ? Are there any nearby hotels or somesort where you can perform and get a slightly, maybe, slightly higher salary ?

Do you have at least one family member who's willing to help you with your finances ?
Posted 4/23/2014 12:24 AM (GMT 0)
Are there any food pantries near you? We have different organizations that donate food. Churches are a good place to look.

I hope things work out for you. You may need to pick up a second job. A lot of people do. Even if it is part time. And they are easier to find when you already have one job.

Keep trying and keep posting.

You can do a lot with flour, milk, baking powder and salt. I use to have to make everything homemade. It goes a lot farther.

Best wishes...

Hugs, Karen...
Posted 4/23/2014 3:23 AM (GMT 0)
I'm not sure of pantries or anything but any jobs are out of the question beyond what i have. literally everything else is far out of walking distance imcluding busstops. it sucks. its why I'm so stuck. if i were closer in town i would find a different job entirely to make more money and would know what I'm doing. but here I'm just stuck. so even pantries i can't get to. and no there's no family to help. have a mom but she's all about her and her life
Posted 4/23/2014 4:46 AM (GMT 0)
I don't think I'm much help either here... well, i'll just try my best with ideas. okay, how about other than 7-11 ? there must be something else other than that right ?
Posted 4/23/2014 5:46 AM (GMT 0)
Lol see you all are just as stuck as i feel., i totally appreciate the talk tho if nothing else, haven't had someone to talk to in around 8 months. but no nothing within 6 miles. :/ i applied for quite a few work at home jobs but chances are slim when it cones to those. this is one of the causes of me feeling so helpless
Posted 4/23/2014 8:01 AM (GMT 0)
I'm imagining your situation and i'm trying to figure a way out as best as I can. I'm pretty sure you'll come up with something good. Awhh.. you poor thing. I'd be more than happy to just spend time and talk with someone. Especially if that someone's stuck.

Can you maybe ask your boss for maybe a raise ? You have good excuses as you're in a bad state physically and some trouble mentally.
Posted 4/23/2014 10:07 AM (GMT 0)
They say "it's always darkest before the dawn". We have what we call "dial-a-ride". Though we call it "dial a tour"... lol... It is a cheap form of transportation though it can be a long ride. Do you have anything like that?

Do you have homeless shelters in town? You may have to find a place more convenient.

Don't give up, things change and do get better, you just have to keep hope and faith. You never know what tomorrow is going to bring. Keep your chin up.

Hugs, Karen...
Posted 4/23/2014 11:18 AM (GMT 0)
Just having you all attempt to assist has atleast given me some hope. Yes we have a homeless shelter. I just feel so bad about going back to one. my mother and i lived in one for a long while when i was little and i just dont want to get to that point, even tho it seems where i already am. But that "dial-a-ride" would be a great idea around here, there are plenty of people out this way without cars. unfortunately, i lack any funds other than the $20 i have left from my checks to eat off of for 2 weeks. So anything with money is out of the question. Just really hopin an online job and a friend comes around soon. And if that saying holds true (darkest before the dawn) as dark as it has been recently i better invest in some space age sunglasses cause im gonna go blind lol

Post Edited (CatfishBilly) : 4/23/2014 6:02:19 AM (GMT-6)

Posted 4/23/2014 11:46 AM (GMT 0)
That's it!! Brilliant!!! You're a genius. Where are you from ?
Posted 4/23/2014 12:27 PM (GMT 0)
i think you mean the other person but im from WV,USA
Posted 4/23/2014 4:38 PM (GMT 0)
No. You're brilliant! Alright.. let me do a little research and get back to you with a few good news if I can find some. Meanwhile, stay strong kay ? You're too young to give up on hope now.
Posted 4/23/2014 4:49 PM (GMT 0)
Well that was quick... Ok, well you can check out Elance.
So far, I read the reviews and it seems legit but just take a survey about it first.
Posted 4/23/2014 10:07 PM (GMT 0)
Ok ill check it out now. thank you
Posted 4/24/2014 4:50 AM (GMT 0)
No probs. Just don't make too quick of a decision. Find another way out if possible but if that's what you can do at the moment, then survey it first before further decisions.
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