Lost, what to do.

Seems like it'd be hard to find a job worth the time or money right now on there. I'm really not at a point to charge for my music or any other services but i appreciate the thought and option given. i know its wrong to feel like i need someone, for me to be ok with who i am. I guess maybe i seek validation from other people because I've always been rejected in one way or another so I've just gathered that the general consensus is that I'm undesirable. And now I'm just searching where i fit. bht i know if I'm not ok with myself the relationships i create will eventually fail. how do i learn to love who i am? I feel like "learning" to love who i am would feel so fake. When i hear "learn to love yourself or noone else will" i actually hear "pretend you're ok and put up a fake smile and keep going and bottling how you truly feel about yourself up until you finally explode". I want to be ok with who i am. there are somedays i feel semi ok. but usually that comes from drinking lol. i just don't know what to do. I've always hated who i am and being stuck these past few months on my own has only seemed to magnify those feelings. i have no clue how to handle this.

Customer suport would be fine. i have a friend who woorks for apple at home. his wife for amazon at home. their neighbor for at&t at home. I've applied multiple times but alas no luck yet lol. i try not to drink but i really don't even drink to hide from anything. its more that my life is so boring and i spend it alone. Due to my health with my leg i can't go for walks or hikes like i would enjoy so i just sit in my room all day. i suppose that's still using alcohol as an escape. but sadly i feel i would be even worse off trapped all the time sober and in my head.

I need to ask you on whether have you ever have two years related experience to Customer support ? I assume you have a high school diploma so that's fine. Do you have knowledge of CPT and ICD9 coding ? And so you have excellent telephone etiquette at your home ?

I appreciate it but yeah still anything to do with traveling absolutely anywhere right now is out of the question for me. Other than my current place of employment it is even a 5 or 6 mile walk to the nearest bus stop. For now im screwed lol

I still feel like everyone is missing the part where i have no cartilage in my hip and my knee is completely blown out. everytime i step it isnt a smooth motion it is bone literally grinding on bone. the 20 yeard walk to my job is even painful. If it didnt put me in agony to walk I would consider it but walking anywhere is completely out of the question. I mentioned this like wayyyy earlier in the post lol. Please stop suggesting I walk or that I just dont want to put the effort in. I cant even reach my feet because my hips and knees are so screwed up. i have to wrestle for sometimes 15 minutes just to get myself dressed. I dont enjoy it and I wish I had the ability to give more effort than i can now, but i physically cannot. There are days I want to literally cry from the pain of just attempting to scale the 5-step staircase in my home. So again, I cannot walk anywhere, not even a mile, nothing is worth how much pain I know I will be in if i even miraculously have the strength to make it where i want to go. And it has left me with the most unattractive limp ever seen

Post Edited (CatfishBilly) : 4/25/2014 1:13:08 PM (GMT-6)

lol There are no jobs unless its going to be online at home. And Ive applied for about 20 so I'm just hoping for a call back from atleast one of them. And thank you all for the effort youve give towards me. There really is nothing I can do right now but wait and practice fake liking myself lol

Its been about 4 or 5 days now but most say to give them a week so hopefully something pulls through. But liking myself is something I've always struggled with. Ive had friends and even my last girlfriend just give huge lists to me why they think im a great person and i see that they are all sincere but ive never been able to agree and eventually push them away.

lol I feel more that ive just coasted by somehow and the waves have yet to pull me under. living on a thin line