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My wife needs space

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Posted 4/26/2014 6:43 PM (GMT 0)
My wife and I are going through some tough times. We have both made mistakes in our relationship and we both were going to counseling. We have already seperated and were to a point that we were still together but living apart. She just told me the other day she needs time and space to think about us. Any advice?
Posted 4/26/2014 7:53 PM (GMT 0)
I'm really sad right now. I don't know if I should forget about our marriage and move on or wait for her. I don't want our marriage to end. Can anyone give me some advice on how to find out if it is truly over?
Posted 4/26/2014 8:10 PM (GMT 0)
Erik-

I am sorry for what you are going through. Relationships are never easy. I just went through a divorce. I was in counseling- he wouldn't go. The only thing I can say is that when I realized I did everything I could to try and save the marriage, and still things were changing, I knew the day I was done. I knew it would be painful to walk away but I knew it would destroy me to stay.
Posted 4/26/2014 8:17 PM (GMT 0)
I have always bent over backwards for her and she tells everyone that. I just don't understand that I have done so much for her, her kids, our family and I just don't understand why she pushes me away. She is an alcoholic and I have tried to help her and always there for her. I just don't understand. Really sad,confused and depressed.
Posted 4/26/2014 8:22 PM (GMT 0)
Erik-

May I ask how old she is??

Is she in recovery for the alcohol? I've had my own struggles with it in the past but have overcome them.
Posted 4/26/2014 8:24 PM (GMT 0)
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Posted 4/26/2014 8:25 PM (GMT 0)
There are so many things. I want to give her space but I want to know what is going on between us and I don't want to ruin my chances. I also don't want to be hurt but I already am.
Posted 4/26/2014 8:35 PM (GMT 0)
When she asks for space, give her some. She probably just wants to clear her head. If you cling too tight, you are going to drive her further away.

Take it one day at a time...
Posted 4/26/2014 8:38 PM (GMT 0)
It's really hard.
Posted 4/26/2014 8:46 PM (GMT 0)
I agree with GB- Give her the space she asks for. However, use this time to work on you. Identify your likes, needs, wants and dreams.

Take it slow...
Posted 4/26/2014 8:50 PM (GMT 0)
My good friend who knows everything said the same thing. He said we aren't done. I just don't want to go through this.
Posted 4/26/2014 9:11 PM (GMT 0)
I know it is painful. But, it may be necessary for each of you to grow individually so you can grow together as a couple...

Take care of yourself.
Posted 4/26/2014 9:13 PM (GMT 0)
Thank you
Posted 4/28/2014 6:12 PM (GMT 0)
My wife told me this morning after I tested her if she still needs time away and if she still wants to go to counseling, that she is done. I feel like I lost everything since she is all I had left. I am really in a dark lonely hole now.
Posted 4/28/2014 8:57 PM (GMT 0)
Start working on you now. Go to see your counselor, they can help you through this. It isn't going to be easy, but you will be okay.

Hugs, Karen
Posted 4/28/2014 9:26 PM (GMT 0)
I won't be. She is my world.
Posted 5/3/2014 6:43 AM (GMT 0)
I am not ok right now. Honestly I need to talk to someone. I need to hold someone. I need to know life.is going to be ok.
Posted 5/3/2014 5:18 PM (GMT 0)
Erik, I'm so sorry this is happening but I agree with all the above, I know you don't feel okay, I know you don't want to go through any of this but the truth is it is happening and you must start helping yourself.

Give your wife space, I know you want to know what's going to happen right now but sometimes it just doesn't happen that way, you can push someone further and further away.

One day at a time, one foot in front of the other, you must find yourself so to speak, I think a therapist would be very good for you right now, they really can help.

Take care of yourself.
Posted 5/3/2014 5:23 PM (GMT 0)
I'm not ok
Posted 5/3/2014 5:25 PM (GMT 0)
Erik-

It will be ok I promise. Time is a healer, but we are impatient to wait for healing.

I just went through a divorce myself. I hurt so bad- inside, outside, emotionally, physically, spiritually. Counseling really helped me see reality and learn how to accept it and move on. There were many days I just sat in front of my counselor and sobbed the entire session. It's ok to do that.

Talk to us when you feel lonely. We are here to help you.

Sending hugs-
Michele
Posted 5/3/2014 7:32 PM (GMT 0)
I feel alone. I feel confused like I should let her go and move on but I keep hanging on.
Posted 5/3/2014 8:46 PM (GMT 0)
I'm so confused and anxious. Not sure how to deal with this emotion
Posted 5/3/2014 10:13 PM (GMT 0)
Why do you keep hanging on? You must be getting something out of it by doing it. Are you trying to punish yourself?

I did a lot of self blame through my divorce. What I realized is that by holding onto the dream of the perfect relationship with him, I was missing out on life. Real life. Love, joy, appreciation of the little things. Time was flying right past me but I was stuck in quicksand. Counseling helped me get out of quicksand, deal with the emotions of my break up, and gave me back my sense of self. I didn't have to try and please him anymore- I could just be me. And I could mold me in anyway I wanted.

Please seek counseling. It really will help!
Posted 5/3/2014 10:35 PM (GMT 0)
You make sense. I don't know why. I guess because I think she is my world. She just texted me and told me she wasn't my person anymore.
Posted 5/3/2014 10:57 PM (GMT 0)
Erik, now is the time to start working on yourself. Get stronger in you. You will get through this and we will help you. I highly suggest counseling...

Hugs, Karen
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