At wits end please help

Forget him. He has to heal himself. You have to heal you.

You are making this breakup about him. Take care of yourself, because you need to protect yourself. If he comes back, well, maybe that's fine or maybe you want to have some space. But, ultimately, take your own power back.

this is not acceptable behaviour from him, regardless of his condition. he needs to sort himself out. sending healing thoughts your way.

Thanks everyone for your replies. I have very good friends and family support around me. But its very hard to let go of the man you love inspite his illness. Im not one for giving up and if I do whose going to help him?? I think im going to bite the bullet and approach him and whether he wants to be with me or not im going to tell him he needs to seek help for himself and his future happiness. If i give up on him he has nobody to love and support him even though im nearly at breaking point. Im usually a strong level headed person but hes pushing me over the edge so either way i think i have to be the one to tell him regardless of the out come??????

Hello ......

   I think "telling him" he needs to seek help is a very kind and maybe even loving thing to do. But don't ever worry about him having "nobody to love and support him"!

   You do need to separate yourself from him - and seek the support you yourself needs.

Peace and wellness

Rob & Gizmo

 

Toni, things CAN get a lot worse. He may hate you for leaving but he hates himself already. The rage is inside him.

Who will help him when you leave? You are not helping him now. No one can, but himself. He has to make the first step. That will not happen as long as you continue to enable his behavior by accepting it.

Take everyones advice and move on with your life, you are worth more than his abuse.

Peace and strength
Trina

Ive never once left him or given up i think if i tell him well then at least i can walk away head held high known ive told him he needs help and known not once have i ever given up on us. I really do love this man and i find it hard to believe that his depression could destroy us. Why is there such anger and rage with some depression and why is it aimed at loved ones???

Okay, let's put this another way. By going back continually, you are enabling him to not change, and you are complicit in his emotional abuse of you. This is not love. It is co-dependence.

Not pretty words.

I have an angry partner who is getting counseling, and slowly changing. I am in counseling. There have many times in the past year I have almost walked. Yes, I would term my partner emotionally abusive, at times. But I am wiling to give him a chance to work with his current therapist, who seems to be doing a lot of good. The cycle of anger, mistrust, and anxiety is changing. There is only so long a person can be the object of anger, without being crushed.

Please, please, please, for your own health, stop the cycle.

Yes i would agree with that about the negative emotions rather then him admit the truth. Yes i am trying to stop the cycle i have never openly told him its depression in him but im going to and give him the chance to get help if he refuses then i have to come to terms with the fact there is no future for us although this pains and hurts me greatly. I sit here writing to your replies in tears as i cant believe theres so much support and i feel at this stage im really landing friends and family with my problems on a regular basis due to his illness.

Hey just an update for all who supported me and gave advice I just got a phonecall from him saying how sorry he was but i told him this time hows hes making me feel. We just had normal chit chat and agreed to take things slow. I will be meeting him during the week will i just tell him then he needs to see someone and hope for the best???????

Hi Toni,

You can tell him he needs help and he's either going to react in one of two ways, agree with you at that moment or get defensive, I would just say it and not get back in to that cycle, it is so easy when someone says they're sorry, it's like a honeymoon period then it's back to the anger, over and over.

Be strong!! If it were me I'd tell him on the phone, not meet him, meeting him may just set you up to thinking all is good. If you do meet, like I said be strong! you can caught up in this for years and years.

If you want to, take it slow and do that! don't go back in to how it was before, he also has to know you're not going to put up with all this, it's good for you and it's good for him. Remember only he can get the help he needs.

Also, (not that I'm saying you are) don't revolve your life around a person, you have to go on with your life and be happy because you deserve it.

Hugs...