HealingWell
Search Close Search
☰

Back to depressed and feeling alone.

Support Forums
>
Depression
✚ New Topic ✚ Reply
❬ ❬ Previous Thread |Next Thread ❭ ❭
Posted 6/12/2014 1:33 AM (GMT 0)
Haven't been on here in a while. Lots of other medical stuff going on. Past few days have been feeling pretty low again. Not sure why I keep going. So many problems to deal with, physically I'm falling apart. Major dental problems, GI issues (tests and surgery in several months), return of daily migraines, recent beginning of all over joint pains, chronic back pain, pinched nerve in my arm/neck, and of course, the anxiety and depression, feeling almost constantly tired/sleepy. I'm sorry to complain. Just feeling hopeless. And lost.

And friends talked me into taking another friend's cat, because he is too allergic to keep the cat. Now I have had this super friendly and social creature for about 5 days and I feel zero emotional attachment to him. He is sort of the "ideal" cat. 3 years old, very handsome, friendly--but not overbearing, cuddly at times, but not too needy. I just feel nothing. If my friend wanted him back, I would be happy. I feel like a horrible person. I had been debating getting another cat, my last one passed away at the beginning of March. It's not that I am not ready or that I'm still grieving the loss of my last cat. I just don't want a cat i guess. I said I would give it at least 2 weeks to see if a bond forms, so I'm trying to keep an open mind. It's hard. I wish I hadn't taken him. If I can't bond with him and need to give him up, I want to be sure he goes to a good home. He deserves it.

Have to admit that I am back in the position of feeling like this depression and the problems I'm having are not going to get better. People keep saying that I should feel some relief from the fact that it's not going to last forever, but I don't see how they can be certain it will get better. There's no proof, no guarantee. Sure, things have gotten better in the past, but that was then and this is now. Things are different. Found out yesterday I will spend 5 days at Mayo clinic in August for testing, etc to figure out a better plan of action for the GI surgery, etc. Feeling rather overwhelmed by everything.

Not sure what I am hoping to get out of posting this message. All I know is this current life is not worth it.
Posted 6/12/2014 3:17 AM (GMT 0)
Hi there Sunny,

I'm so sorry to hear you're having a rough time.

You're not a horrible person, I am sure it's the depression stopping you from feeling a lot toward the cat, that's what happens, plus you are going through so much so lot's on your mind.

You're dealing with a lot of health issues which is extremely tough.

I also have neck problems radiating in to one arm, it's so painful so I understand, I've often thought will this ever be 100% again, it can really get you down.

JB1 has really good advice so can't add much more except to say I hope you start to feel better very soon, hang in there, hugs....
Posted 6/12/2014 1:13 PM (GMT 0)
Thanks guys. I appreciate your support and encouragement. This morning (I've only been up an hour), I have been talking a lot to Frank, the cat. I call him buddy and I'm trying to remember that he's my companion, I am not just a caregiver to him. We'll see. I will give it time.

Leaving for my therapy appt. in a couple minutes, so I better go!

I'll comment more later.
Posted 6/12/2014 1:53 PM (GMT 0)
Hope therapy makes you feel better. We all have down times. I hope you are on the upswing soon hon.

Hugs, Karen....
Posted 6/12/2014 3:28 PM (GMT 0)
Sunny, we all have to walk through the darkness to appreciated the light as it finally breaks through. And it will, no doubt.

It takes time for most people to bond with a new animal. Take time to get to know each other without judgements of yourself or the cat. It will work out.

I am glad to hear you are in therapy this will help tremendously.

Peace and comfort
Trina
Posted 6/12/2014 6:23 PM (GMT 0)
Hope your therapy goes well today Sunny.

That's very cute you were talking to Frank, at the lowest times an animal can help, they are comforting, hope you are okay today.
Posted 6/14/2014 12:31 AM (GMT 0)
Having Frank is a great idea - talk to him and let him know what you are feeling and thinking. Cats are smart and I know he will listen to you and never ever judge. And you can tell him anything - who you hate, who you think is stupid, who you like, who you miss et. etc. My son has two cats and talks with them all the time!! Glad to hear that you are getting an evaluation - it should help you find a useful medication. Best wishes Chatham
Posted 6/16/2014 3:05 AM (GMT 0)
Well, Frank and I have been buddies now for a little over a week. Must say that things have gotten better with him anyway. Just taking it slow and trying to not think about it or analyze it at all. Just gonna leave it at that.

Medical stuff has been rough. Feeling pretty sick over the weekend and really just cannot sort out what symptoms are just due to medical conditions I already have and which are things that need to be looked into further. I guess I really need to leave that up to the doctor to decide! Got an appointment scheduled for mid-day tomorrow. They offered either that appointment or the next available was mid-July. I'll have to cancel with my therapist (who I see twice a week), cuz I cannot wait a month to see my doctor.

Depression is better, but still there. I am just confused and overwhelmed with lots of things in my life right now. But, if I just push them out of my mind, I'm ok for a while. Too bad they always come back. I realize that at some point I do need to confront and deal with those issues. Just not today.

I do have a question for anyone reading this:
Are you ever afraid to go to a medical doctor because you're afraid they won't take you seriously? Or that they will tell you the problem is all in your head? That happens to me a lot, even though I have several medical conditions that can physically be seen or tested for. I guess it's because I have had three, maybe four, docs in the past tell me my medical problems were psychological. Eventually they were proved otherwise, but the comments had really done a lot of damage to me. I worry that when I go to Mayo, they'll say "nope, nothing's really wrong here". If it wasn't me going thru all this stuff, if it were an acquaintance or something, and they kept coming up with more medical problems, I'd never believe them. Am I a shallow or closed-minded person or what? Just doesn't seem possible that I can have so many seemingly unrelated medical conditions going on at once. What do you think? Can anyone relate?

Frank is telling me I have rambled on too long, and that it's nearing bedtime, so I'll stop. Thanks for all the responses and kind words. I really do appreciate them.
Posted 6/16/2014 10:42 AM (GMT 0)
I think it is a good coping skill when you can put things out of your mind to deal with them another time.

I think that the only way you are going to know what is going on is to see somebody. Sure you may be magnifying some of your symptoms by thinking about them a lot, but they are still there. I hope you get some answers. Being ill isn't any fun. I am sure you know that. But your coping skills are getting better. That is awesome.

Have a good day...

Hugs, Karen...
✚ New Topic ✚ Reply