Difficult Relative - HELP! (Borderline Personality Disorder)

Hello,

Does anyone have a relative diagnosed with Borderline Personality Disorder?
It's become extremely difficult to maintain this relationship, and I need some advice and tips.

Here's a quick online summary of what I'm describing:

"Borderline personality disorder (BPD) is a mental health condition in which a person has long-term patterns of unstable or turbulent emotions.
*Intense and highly changeable moods
*Extreme reactions—including panic, depression, rage, or frantic actions—to abandonment, whether real or perceived

*A pattern of intense and stormy relationships with family, friends, and loved ones, often veering from extreme closeness and love (idealization) to extreme dislike or anger (devaluation).

Thanks in advance,
Monica

Hello Karen,


My grandmother is 75 years old. She hates doctors and has not been legally diagnosed with Borderline Personality Disorder. After speaking about this person to my therapist, he felt that she had borderline personality disorder. I'd like to know if anyone one in the community has PBD or has a close relative who suffers from this.

Depression and Anxiety run in my family. My father and I have taken Lexapro in the past, but she refuses to take medication.

Her relationships are extremely stormy. This basically sums up every relationship she's ever had:
*LOVES them
*something was said or done that she doesn't agree with
*HATES THEM (this either lasts one week, one month, one year, or for decades
*LOVES them again
*repeat the cycle all over

She only talks about:
Negative events that occurred in life, her anger, horrors on the news, terrible things people have done to her or are currently putting her through, she always brings up the issues she knows you don't ever want to talk about, drama, she has an obsession with her weight and likes to brag that she is 100lbs and 5'11", she likes to be the center of attention and everyone has to listen to her talk all the time, she doesn't care to LISTEN to people in a group conversation, she likes to brag about how little food she eats throughout the day, if you don't return her call in less than 24 hours she'll have a full blown panic attack or assume you hate her and then she ignores you for a week or two, survives on coffee and cigarettes, has chronic thoughts of dying.

Monica

Monica,

Chances are she has lived with this for a long time. It is sad, isn't it? I know people like that too that keep drama in their lives and focus on the negative. It could be just plain depression that she has never done anything about, or it could be BPD.

What is difficult I think it that at her age, and the fact that she doesn't want medication, there is probably no help. She has to want help. She has to accept that there is something wrong with her behavior. I can see where it would be difficult for you.

People like that can be very self centered. They can push away the ones that love and care about them. Sometimes we have to accept people for who they are. And Rob could be right, at her age she could be getting dementia. On top of the BPD...

People in denial of depression can be very hard to cope with. Basically you, the one who wants to help her, could become her enemy next. I am not saying that is going to happen, but while you are trying to help her, she could think you are undermining her. Paranoia. That kind of goes along with the disorder. I don't know a lot about this disorder, but I have seen people act the way your grandmother is. And they aren't that old.

I hope you can get some help. You are going to have to find somebody she trusts to talk to her. Maybe convince her to seek therapy. At her age, I don't know how medication is going to work for her, she may be sensitive to it. Maybe a hobby for her would be the ticket. Something to keep her focused and keep her mind busy.

I wish you the best. You will get other input. Probably better than I gave.

Hugs, Karen...

ps personal relations were very difficult. especially as i was seeing 1 person with the same condition and others with other disorders. please note there are effective treatments, i did DBT (dialectical behaviour therapy) when it first came out ten years ago in a psycho-social in-patient treatment program. other points of difference: borderline personality disorder effects more women than men in the community, although the male community in the prison system has high numbers as well.

hope this helps.

Hello Karen!

I agree, the most difficult aspect of my grandma is not accepting that she needs help, and the fact that she truly believes nothing is wrong with her.

Thanks for your understanding and kind words. I appreciate it =) Finding her a new hobby is something I must try to do, because her actions are starting to push me away. Talking about this to the community is starting to help because atleast I'm not the only one dealing with a possible BPD relative.

Cheers,
Monica

yes, come out the other end, but it was hard work. sorry about your grandma. i send many healings your way. -to you and your grandma. i still am dx with EUPD, but that is well managed. The rapid cycling bi-polar disorder gives my butt a kick though. (every so often). keep strong.

cheers monica. my healingwell family have been a rock..........although as mentioned i have done some serious hard yards. see ya when i get back from o/s in 6 weeks.