Almost 8 weeks on Pristiq, 3 weeks on Wellbutrin. Struggling

Soooo I've been struggling this past week off & on. This morning is no exception. When I've had good days/hours, it was when I was out of my house, focusing on other things/people (my brother in law in hospital). It feels so good to be around people.

But this depression and anxiety is clinging on like a freaking leech! When I'm home, a home I love in good days, and my whole life until this funk started in February, isn't comfy when I feel like this. Isn't home where your haven is supposed to be?! Has anyone else not found comfort or refuge in their own, cozy home while going through their funks?

I'm so ticked off I'm not making more strides. I've never struggled this long in my life. Has anyone had a bout with this crap 6 or more months and finally got out?! I know the answer. I know people have. But I get so scared and frustrated.

Did anyone ever have periods of not even feeling comfortable in their own home?! Their own bed?! I somewhat envy ppl who can "take to the bed" bc I can't except to sleep 5-6 hrs every night.

Did you ever feel like a stranger in your own familiar world?? That almost nothing seemed comfortable?

My past 6 months have not been every day like this. If I counted the days, likely I'd count more good days than not. I'm just frustrated that the Pristiq & Wellbutrin (& Buspar), either have not kicked in (Wellbutrin added 3 weeks ago) or aren't what I need or need dosage adjustment. Did anyone ever feel hopeless then finally saw the light after many months??

I am practicing mindfulness. It's not a complete habit yet but I'm trying. I'm doing breathing exercises too. One issue that is looming around the corner that was a bit of a catalyst is that my BFF is moving away the 27th. (The other catalyst was switching to a new AD back in Feb that did not work for me).

I guess I just need encouragement and reassurance. I see my therapist every Monday and I see psych on the 15th.

Thank you for encouraging words and prayers and support!!!

-Lisa

Thank-you as always Karen. Yes, my BFF and I have talked. She's struggling too but is on good meds lol & it's making it "easier." She was in a dark place for abt 2 yrs until last October? Her mom passed, her favorite & trusted AD of 15? yrs had been taken away bc of weight gain (Paxil) & was trying to find the right med combos bc like you, she too has Fibromyalgia so some meds can have interactions. She does best with SSRI's & has found much happiness with Zoloft. It didn't work for me at all

Prozac worked wonders in my past for me but not 6 yrs ago so I was put on Cymbalta and I loved that but it pooped out. I will say the "poop out" never felt as bad as this struggle has been ugh! That's when I switched to Zoloft in January & a month later, it got bad w/terrible anxiety that led to depression.

I have never thought Buspar has done anything for me either. I told the psych last month and he said he wanted me to stay on it at least one more month since I was adding Wellbutrin, that way we'd get a better picture if the Wellbutrin was going to work.

I'm going to work real hard on the mindfulness and breathing. I have been and will continue. As you know when you feel in the pits, everything seems hard or like it's not working bc you're still suffering. But I know intellectually there is no better time than now to master these coping skills during the storm vs waiting til after. Bc after you feel good and lose interest in the maitenence work. I never did maintenance after I got better the other 3 bouts I've had with this... THAT is the lesson I'm taking with me from this round, maitenence maitenence maitenence!!

Thanks for listening and supporting!!!


Oh, I'm also headed to my 25th class reunion tonight. I'm anxious abt that too so I'm sure it's playing a role as well

Funny you would mention the part about not feeling comfortable in your own home. That's a whole long issue with me, so know you are not alone!

I'm so sorry you continue to struggle with finding the right meds. The anticipation of losing your latest friend is likely compounded by having lost your other friends already so it gets harder.

I reconnected with a high school friend recently, but I could tell, she had moved on to other things, other friends and was happily, busily living her own life. While very open and friendly, I got the sense that she didn't need more friends or extra people in her life right now. Ironic as she and I were part of the "outcasts" at HS, ironic that she would be so happy now, and I am still forever struggling. That was a bitter pill to swallow, so to speak. Happy for her, sad for me.

Meeting people we knew "back in the day" can touch off all kinds of anxiety, mixed with happy feelings. I hope it goes well for you!

Hugs...

Good thinking Lisa,

Depression does not define who we are. It is just a part of us.

I hope you do go to the reunion. I think you will have a good time...

Hugs, Karen...

I have before. It took medications of all types to get me up and moving. I take meds to sleep, to stay awake, to concentrate, for depression, anxiety, and on and on... That is what helped me. But it got me going and then I was more able to create my own energy. You have to start somewhere, be it big or small, once you get started you can continue. You may need medication, or maybe just exercise. If you aren't eating, you aren't putting fuel into your body. If you aren't moving, you aren't going to be able to move. You said you have stomach issues. Have you discussed that with the doctor? Is it something that happens all the time? Do you think any of the meds are causing this?

I was in bed for two years. It is something you can't take back. You miss that time in your life. You miss out on a lot. Relationships, growth and just plain living.

I know that the bed feels safe, but it is doing you the most damage. You have to get out and about. Even if you just sit outside in a lawn chair. You need the sunlight to get your vitamin D3. Maybe you should take it. It gives you a little energy and gives you a good all around feeling. I was very low in Vitamin D3.

You recognize what is wrong. Now you have to work on doing something about it. You really need to talk to a doctor or a therapist. I am not sure if you go to therapy or not. It really does help. If you are going, maybe you should go a little more often. And make sure to talk about what you posted here.

I hope that you feel better soon.

Hugs, Karen...

Hawk- you KNOW I empathize. You and I & Sean and others have dealt with this BS long enough. We are all going to doctors and therapists. I remember at least you were going to group therapy, do you go to individual therapy? My therapist is who referred me to a good psychiatrist in my area.

Do you have a good friend, family or significant other that could help you make the needed phone calls to see another psychiatrist? I know it's hard when you're depressed and tired & no energy to do even small things. My BFF advocated for me early on.

Karen is right tho. Pls try and eat and get outside. Our brain needs food function properly. Think as food as medication right now that you have to take. Even if it's small like an apple and some peanut butter a few times/day. You need protein and fat for your brain.

Also, getting outside, even if just for 2 minutes at a time. Don't wear sunglasses bc that's how the sun gives us our vitamin D is through the retinas. Baby baby baby steps.

Lisa

Weren't you the one (Hawkeye) that was going to find another psychiatrist? Do you let your present one know how you are feeling? Did he tell you to wait a little longer? If you aren't feeling better when you see him again, let him know that the medications aren't the right fit.

I hope that you feel better soon.

Hugs, Karen...

Lisa, I hope you are having a good day today, sorry to hijack your thread.

I can imagine that you are on your last straw. Nobody likes being in the situation that you are in. I am so sorry that your meds aren't working at this point. I hope you feel better soon.

Hugs, Karen...

Lisa,

That is so awesome about the class reunion...

I am happy you had a good time. I hope you and hubby and the 2 dogs have gun at your mom's.

Take care and have a fantastic day!!!

Hugs, Karen,...

Maybe you're not giving your antidepressants (SSRI) enough time to work. They are known to cause heightened anxiety at the beginning. I'm in my third week and finally getting some relief from the anxiety. It's still there but down from 5/6 most days to 2/3 at the most, sometimes 1/2.

The first night I took Lexapro I had a panic attack, which is not typical for me.

I think patience is the key with these anti depressants and keeping busy helps. I exercise daily. Swimming seems to be helping me the most, I make myself cook, clean, take walks, fix my hair, get dressed, no matter how bad I feel.

This was the first time that Lexapro made me feel worse at the beginning. So maybe that can happen over time. How long did you try Lexapro before you got off it?

I've heard of start-up symptoms that are really bad. I know mine were bad too. The panic attack landed me in the ER, and then anxiety at high levels followed that, but is diminishing. But then again, it could be diminishing because I've been taking avian .75mg to sleep each night so maybe it's helping with the anxiety too, although I though it only worked for 6-8 hours, but who knows.

This is such a guessing game, and I hate it. But trying to stay positivie. I do think you have to give antidepressants at least a month

Hawk,

You shouldn't be dancing around with your antidepressants. Always talk to the doctor before stopping and starting them. You have to get through the trial period which isn't always the greatest.

Please make sure to keep your doctor up to date with what you are doing. As you can read, the antidepressants made most people a little anxious at the beginning, but that went away.

If you think your antidepressants are making you worse, let the doctor know. Your brain doesn't like the ups and downs you are putting it through. And neither will you. So be careful...

I hope that you feel better soon... Hang in there...

Hugs, Karen...

Hawk, how long have you been on the low dose Zoloft? I agree with Karen that you shouldn't stop w/o advise of Dr. I know you haven't the best trust in your doc but I'd be scared of cold turkey discontinuation syndrome... Antidepressants are used for bi polar during the depression episodes. So are mood stabilizers and you're on one. Maybe it's not the right dose or med. How long have you been on the mood stabilizer?

Did you call the new psychiatrist? Surely your insurance covers more than 1-2 in your area? You're in a pretty big area aren't you, not rural?

With that being said, I empathize... You know my story too.. I'm impatient and angry. I barely remember what it's like to be my normal, happy self. I have good moments but my ruminations and impatience get the best of me too somedays. I tell ya what tho, every. single. time. I get outta my house & get around other ppl even when I hate it, I feel better. I get a break from ruminating. MAYBE your school schedule will be JUST what you need to get back on the saddle while getting meds figured out. What do you teach btw? CheleL on here is a teacher too and worked through her year of depression/trying to find the right med/combo. Wasn't easy but she did it AND she's a single mom.

New quote: "to be broken is no reason to see all things as broken."

-Lisa