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Posted 8/13/2014 11:43 PM (GMT 0)
It's been quite a while since I have been in here. Life has been such a struggle .
For a while I was travelling along ok with the help of a psychologist who understood everything .
No I'm without her as when I really needed her she could not be there and to find out that same day all my emails and messages to her didn't even go to her but someone else.
I felt so betrayed as she was always on about confidentially and that my records were safe .
This has ended my trust in professionals and as a result am not going to see anyone again .
I know that it's getting really hard to function . My little grand kids are getting too much for me . i have them here so much from 5:30 in the morning and then in the afternoon until my daughter picks them up .
Also my kids who are all adults . are driving me nuts I just want to escape from everyone and everything. I have so many regrets in my life that its not worth the trouble.
No matter what I do it's never the right thing .
A couple of months ago I went to see my sister who lives about 12 hrs drive away . Only to be confronted with all there problems. She was diagnosed with breast cancer last year and now her oldest son is on drugs. I just didn't need it but now that has impacted on myself so much.
My youngest son came home yesterday and asked me to apologise to his girlfriend for not accepting her . Both my husband have gone out of our way to be there for them , they have been included in all family events . One night I got a phone call from my son asking me to come help him . She was so drunk , they were walking home and she was in a fight with another girl and she hit her head . I took them to the hospital as she needed to be checked , she stayed there the night I stayed there with them for. Three hours . I returned home to clean my car she vomited everywhere in it . There was never an apology from her nor a sorry .
I had five children and have never ever had to clean up after them being drunk in fact I have never even seen them drunk at all.
It's makes me so angry that he has come back with this request . Last night I didn't even want to be around anyone .
Today my feeling are so confused as to if I even want to go one like it anymore
Posted 8/13/2014 11:56 PM (GMT 0)
So sorry to hear of what you are going through, that is really a lot to deal with, and you have to be an incredibly strong person to even go through half of that.

My therapist told me I am going to have to set boundaries with my troubled 27 year old daughter, I know it is hard to do, but if any one is making you feel this way, then some times it is better to not have that around you for now.

You have a lot on your plate, I would really try to trust a professional again.

I truly hope you day gets brighter!
Posted 8/14/2014 1:37 AM (GMT 0)
Don't think about regrets. Take it one day at a time. Maybe the young lady was embarrassed, or just didn't think to apologize.

Sometimes you do have to set boundaries. And that means saying no sometimes. You can't run around picking up the pieces for others when you are falling apart. Take care of you. See the therapist. It will do you good.

Hugs, Karen...
Posted 8/14/2014 3:13 PM (GMT 0)
Boundries do sound like a good idea Snowflake.

As for regrets, well we can not change the past can we? We all have things we have done that we would rather have not. Live and learn.

Thing is, now is time to realize you are the most important person in your life. IF you do not take care of you, no one else will, and you won't be good for anyone else.

If you are not going back to a doc or therapist. Please Check out the last two pages of our Depression Resource thread at the top of the forum. There are lists of coping skills, sites to help you and books that are highly recommended.

You are stronger than you think, give yourself some compassion.
Peace and courage
Trina
Posted 8/16/2014 12:51 AM (GMT 0)
Thanks ,
I definitely am not going to see any more drs psychs or and other medicals . I'm over the lot of them .
They all have some sort of advice but they just don't understand that while living like I do there isn't anything going to help. As far as the medications they all prescribed I stopped taking them months ago as the side effects were making me feel worse than what I was taking them .
I went to see a dr because I wasn't coping with having my heart racing at 165 bpm . He just told me to put up with it as I needed to stay on the medication more than the side effects of the drugs. But to come and see him if I needed to . Well for weeks I tried to see him but was always told he was not available . That's when I decided that I will do with out them all and what happens happens.
When you have to live with an adult child who believe me visiting the rubbish dump would be a better option than life isn't going to change . I have told her on countless occasions to find her own place . Needless to say she is still here . But the day draws nearer when I will just walk out on everyone . There will not be any going back . All I see is they all use me and because I don't have the guts to stand up to anyone they get away with it .
As far as I'm the important one in my life it's far from the truth , I just don't care anymore , depression ,abuse and cancer have ruled all my life and there is only so much one can take .
Posted 8/16/2014 11:36 AM (GMT 0)
Well I just topped off my day .
My daughter won't leave home so tonight I told my hubby of over 33years I want to leave . I just can't take it any longer .
I have no idea where I'm headed but I really don't care anymore
Posted 8/16/2014 12:20 PM (GMT 0)
it this is me time to cut it off my parents changed there number

have hubby help by taking charge and saying no and taking stuff off you

find you time hide in the car listen to relaxing music and focus on a beach or your choice focus hard till you see it and only it possibly even smell it

if you have a tube or better a master bath shut and lock bedroom door hubby is only one with a key if you want shut the bathroom door to this helps cut the sound now take player of your choice again relaxing low key music candles if your into that scented bubbles if you like Epson salt helps aches and pain

make date nights cut everyone off leave cell phones at home(you can get a $19 or less cell throw it and a charger in glove box any cell can dial 911 even like this one not activated(get a track phone cheep if you do want to put time on plus not sure you might have to activate to get a number for 911 dont remember)

any point is all electronic left cell tablets pcs unless hubby has to for work

and make a weekly of every other week whatever works habit of this you and your hubby are what matters not loosing him or the spark is important

check state parks around you we have one you can rent cabins at

have a couples days in the woods together or a regular motel and do movies a date night or weekend

take back your life and sanity and like i said have hubby back you up and start cutting them and making them realize cant run home for everything

good luck best wishes
Posted 8/21/2014 10:35 AM (GMT 0)
There is no sanity left in my life I have been existing for others for such a long time nothing is left inside to give anymore.
For the past two years I have been trying to explain to hubby that our kids are killing me . For a short time I thought I had got the message through to him as he started to see just what I had been saying , but now it's just the same . Tonight I asked him if he had spoken to our daughter about moving out . His reply was no , ok then I cracked it . Just walked out I could of done what I have been planning for a while now , but instead I went out and weeded the garden , I told my daughter off in no uncertain terms . When I went back inside no one was there . I was so angry and after a few wines I had cooked hubby's dinner , he returned I couldn't even talk to him. So while he had his dinner I decided to shower and go to bed .
I'm planning on leaving as soon as I can . I have no idea where I will go or what I will do but one thing is for sure I can't live like this anymore .
I can't talk to a psychologist as my trust in them is gone after I feel as though I have been violated all over again after a confidentially failure with the last one .
At this stage of my life I don't give a darn what ever happens to me anymore
Posted 8/21/2014 11:23 AM (GMT 0)
Snowflake,

Maybe leaving will be a good thing. You can start from scratch and live the life you want to live. I am sorry you don't trust psychologists, a lot of them are good. I hope when you leave you keep some form of support. I think a new beginning would be good for you...

Hugs, Karen...
Posted 8/21/2014 7:06 PM (GMT 0)
Wow, am I the only one who sees where snowflake is heading or are the monitors really that uncaring? Snowflake you have a very simple decision to make do you want to live or not(can't say the other word on this site)? If you want to live you are going to need a dr. and medication, that's all. I hope you choose to live.
Posted 8/22/2014 9:09 AM (GMT 0)
Recoverymetoday you are the only one who can see what I am thinking .
My family have been so blind to what's been happening . Even when I tell my husband he still does not get it .
Firstly to me my marriage was a commitment for life not until it suited me . That I have failed as I don't want to continue life like this anymore.
My children who were to me as something I cherished . How wrong was I they live for themselves and no one else if they can't do it mum will . This has been such a disappointment to me .
They. Think I will be there for them no matter what but I'm tired and can't do it anymore .
Even my parents inlaw can see it but my husband and kids can't see it .
I just feel my whole life has been a farsard . I let people see what they want not how I feel . Well I'm so tired of it all I don't want to go on like it anymore and I'm not living like this is just too hard .
People who have known me all my life do NOT know me at all I have hidden all my life how I actually feel .
Life is just too hard now and I'm just too tired to care anymore .
I don't want to live hidden inside myself lie I have been . I just have had enough .
A young man died this week here committed to saving lives I just wish it was me instead of him who died . His family needs him mine does not need nor want me . All I see is life is so unfair.
Posted 8/22/2014 10:51 AM (GMT 0)
Recoveryme2day,

Snowflake has been in this same situation as long as I can remember on this forum. We have both been here for 7 years. Only she can change her life. I said maybe it would be good for to leave the situation apposed to the other. What she keeps talking about, what we cannot mention here. If she doesn't want to break marriage vows, that is her decision. But she can leave and she can change her life. That is an option.

I don't like you saying the moderators don't care. I have been on this forum working for 7 years. I don't get paid. I do this because I want to. It isn't always easy. And to say I don't care is disheartening. And I resent it.

I have known Snowflake all this time. Been reading her posts, and it has been the same for all these years. She took a break off of the forum for awhile, but on coming back, nothing has changed. I know she doesn't have options at times because of where she lives. She use to come on the forum and talk about the "joeys" that she took care of. Yes, snowflake, I still remember that. It was awesome...

I am not a doctor, psychiatrist, psychologist, therapist or a counselor. I do the best I can to help people. I see members here are supporting her. That is what she needs. But she also needs to change her situation and only she can do that. And I don't mean by ending her life. You are right, we cannot discuss that here. But getting away could help her get stronger. That is what she needs right now.

So before you go around saying we are uncaring, maybe you should just support her and not put us down. It is not appreciated here.

I am here daily. And I moderate on two forums, so I think I do my part.

Snowflake, I really think you need to talk to a professional. I know you don't trust. But that is the only thing that is going to help you. And if you end it, you are still leaving your marriage... Look at it that way. Getting away is the better option. You can still come back that way.

I wish you the best. I am tired and somewhat depressed myself. So I am not a lot of help. I feel that maybe getting away, will show your family how much you actually do. They will miss you. But only you can stop them from taking advantage of you.

Hugs, Karen...
Posted 8/22/2014 4:06 PM (GMT 0)
Snowflake and recovery.

Snowflake you know that we are not that uncareing. As in the past we has listened to your vents, members has responded and we done our best to redirect your intentions.

Recovery, after a violation that Snowflake as recently experienced it will take time for her to rebuild trust and return to therapy. I have no doubt she will, do to the fact she knows it helps. Diaries however, may not be included. At best, she may return to medications shortly.

Snowflake, you know about our resource page and what is one it. I will once again list for you this link. I am pretty sure you are not in the US>

www.suicide.org/international-suicide-hotlines.html

Snowflake you are overwhelmed, please try your breathing exercises.
Breathing in 3, exhale 4..knowing that the longer exhale natural will calm your mind and body.

Yes, you are the most important person, that is the CBT that is needed to be practiced every day. Show yourself loving kindness and compassion, who do you think deserves it more?

You are not alone, Snowflake everytime you post we are here.
Peace
Trina
Posted 8/23/2014 1:23 AM (GMT 0)
Recoverymetoday can see what I have been thinking of as I said earlier.
But this forum has been a safe place for me to come .
I commend the moderators in all the forums . Like most of us they have travelled the paths of us all . I have indeed found all I have spoken to over the years extremely helpful and they are the only ones who have been there for me when my family failed to see what the problems were and are.
Karen I do remember those years back and the animals I cared for and they were good times for me. Living where I do had its advantages but along with them more disadvantages.
I have gone from one situation to another without any breaks in between and after a while I just get so tired of it .
Now at this stage of my life I would dearly love to spen it with my husband who I do cherish so much . However he has chosen to let the one child who has caused so much pain in my life to continue living at home . It's this decision that has broken the camels back.
All my family know how she effects me and they tried to help until it caused problems in their own lives so they now have backed off .

BnotAfraid last night when I could not sleep I was I fact trying the breathing exercises I do try to distract myself from my thoughts and a times I can . I find it extremely difficult when my daughter is here and I leave as I just do not want to be around her.
I just want to thank you all for your help and ideas .
Posted 8/23/2014 8:27 AM (GMT 0)
Trina directed you to the resource center because she knew what you were talking about. I thought you meant to get away. I am the one with the oversight...

I am so happy that the breathing exercises worked for you. I do meditation and breathing plus mindfulness as much as possible. It helps to calm me down.

Snowflake, I really hope that things can get better for you. You are a good person, you deserve to be happy.

Take care and I hope you had a good day...

Hugs, Karen...
Posted 8/23/2014 11:18 PM (GMT 0)
I apologize that my responding directly to a post is so threatening to other people. Snowflake, I do hear you and would very much like to help but I don't see how if you have to apologize to other members for it. I wish you Hope and if you want my personal e-mail I"m totally good with that.
Posted 8/24/2014 9:04 AM (GMT 0)
Thanks karen ,
I have spent the whole day avoiding my family I'm so disappointed as a mother and a member to my family I just do not want to around any of them even my two little grand kiddies who I adore . When my daughter has been inside I have been outside and have spent the afternoon locked into my bedroom away from everyone .
It's the very lows of my depression . I have been here before but this time I'm not using medication and psychologists . The side effects of the first have been more depressing than I want to encoUnter and the second I have no faith in them at all. If I can do tHis on my own well it's not worth doing .
Each night I go off to bed around seven or earlier depending on my mood this way I can be sort of safe . Just hope that each night is my last and that I don't have to face another day . My luck it's not on . At least I'm hear at the end of the day some may say its a plus but not in my books .
Thanks karen and those in the forum you have helped me so much
Posted 8/24/2014 10:01 AM (GMT 0)
Snowflake,

I am so sorry that you feel you have to avoid everybody (especially the grands). I remember when my grand daughter was a baby. It felt good to hold her. If I was sick, I always felt better holding her.

Snowflake, I wish you had something just for you to do. Something you enjoy. To make your life feel complete. Something you can do that you don't need anything else. Something to make you happy. If you could think of something what would it be???

It seems that the family isn't going to change. Maybe in time, but not at the moment. You need to do things that you like and enjoy. Think about that for awhile and decide what it is you like.

I know how it feel not to be appreciated. To feel unloved. It really stinks. Make it your life. Explore things and find a hobby. I do remember you loved the animals. Is there something else that you love that you can do???

I hope things get better for you. Keep posting and know we care...

Hugs, Karen...
Posted 8/26/2014 9:31 AM (GMT 0)
This last few weeks have been pretty bad .
Trying to do things on my own has been really hard
I know I don't want my daughter in my life atm ,she has caused so many problems for the past 23 years and probably will do all my life.
My oldest daughter is going through a very hard time. Last Friday night she was out at the local pub with two of her friends . Saturday morning she was showing me photos of her nit it was so good to see she was having a good time , the next thing we heard that there was a major fire in the same pub that she and her friends were at and that two fireman were injured . One lost his life . She was devastated to hear it was the same friend she had spen the night with . His partner was my daughters best friend . All I could say to her was how sad it was but to remember how much fun you all had on his last night . I have no other words to give to her .
Tomorrow is he is being layed to rest . I told my daughter I could not be there but will look after his little step son while they all celebrate his life . That's all I can do .
I'm exhausted to say the least as the problems I have in my own home but that's all I can offer . Our little town is in mourning for this fire fighter who gave his life defending the people of our town.

Today I spent the whole day caring for my little grand son who has
been so sick . He has asthma and has been so unwell along with his little sister all of this winter . Their parents work each day but the strain on myself is so much . I just can't say no to them . I just think back to when I had my own children and I had no one to help me . I want to be there for them but as each day passes I know I'm not coping at all .
Posted 8/26/2014 10:01 AM (GMT 0)
That is so sad about the firefighter. And that he was married to your daughter's friend. I think I got that right... And it is a strange thing to have happen. I hope she is able to comfort her friend at this time. It is so life changing...
Snowflake, even though you are going through more things, you do sound a little better. I hope it is so...

Take care and have a good night. Soon you will have spring, and we are going into fall.

Hugs, Karen...
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