Mornin' Y'all...
SO MUCH PAIN unmanaged...tired of the struggle. Trying to think "gratitude", but all I can come up with is that "I'm thankful I'm not a turkey!". Opinions vary.
I am afraid of the pain meds my specialist has prescribed. Yes, they change my perception of pain, but the PAIN is still very much THERE. I know this isn't a pain forum (I'm there, too) but sometimes it's hard to separate the physical from the emotional. I started PM last January because I was at a point where I just couldn't function with untreated health issues. I joked (because that's how I mask pain) that I couldn't eat, sleep or poop. But it's no joke. If you want, "search" my username for lengthy post titled "Scarlet Letter E: Endometriosis".
Am I wrong? Do I take the meds to lessen intense pain, which in turn will "lift" my mood? Yes, dependence could become an issue. I've been told for years that the amount of anti-inflammatory meds I've taken could "kill" my liver. My response is "Will I really need my liver if I'm 6 ft. under?" And, yes, it's that "bad" and much worse...It has been this way for most of my adult life. Though mine is not a "terminal" disease, it has truly taken my life. I understand Brittany Maynard's decision.
I cannot meditate too long upon that...Y'all would miss my corny jokes too much! 
Instead, I bury myself with work...whether for profit or non-profit. I have to complete specs, preliminary prints and estimates for a bid on Friday. On the non-profit side, I'm assisting with the annual Harvest Supper at my mom's living facility on the 20th. I wish I could call my sisters for help, but they've flat out refused in years past. I wish they'd just call or come by for coffee, but they don't. (Yes, I've asked numerous times)
This has turned into a pointless rambling of self pity. I apologize.
HUGS~~Dixie
What happened to the turkey whose feathers pointed the wrong direction? He was tickled to death!