Does having a therapist and/or depression meds really help?

Hi PB4, I have seen you around on the forum I think... Your name reminds me of peanut butter... Ha!!!

I have had success with therapy (not all therapists though), medications and also coping skills... I am seeing a psychiatrist and a psychologist now, it is working out well. I have been seeing these two for quite a few years now... They have been a great help to me.

I guess all I can really state is that trying is the way to find out if it will work for you. I can imagine that you have had chronic pain for a long time. That alone causes depression. You really have to find what is right for you. Not all therapists and psychiatrists are good. But there are many good ones out there. And the same with the medications, you have to find the right fit for you.

I have had some medications that I have tried and they didn't work for me, or the side effects were too bad. But I eventually found a medication that I took for over 15 years. It worked well.

I would try therapy first, then discuss seeing a psychiatrist. You can often do Cognitive Behavioral Therapy and not need the medications. Also on our Resource thread, there are sites that can help you. One is mood gym and another is mindful.org. Mindfulness really makes a difference in the way that we feel. You might want to explore some of these and see how you feel about it. Maybe you can do this before you decide on the other, or in the meantime I mean...

I hope you feel better soon. Keep posting, know we all know what you are going through. You are not alone in this...

Hugs, Karen...

Hi there & welcome over here!

I have found immense help with depression & anxiety with medication & therapy. I had 2 therapists I "gave the boot" to in my years of seeing therapists but that's bc we had no rapport.

I've seen at least 7-8 & only that many bc they moved, I moved & the 2 I gave the boot to.

When we are depressed or have chronic illness, it can feel hopeless like "I'll never get better, why bother." The truth is, mental health absolutely affects our physical health. If we are depressed or anxious, it can manifest as physical illness and exasperate current illnesses.

My orthopedic surgeon (of all people!), wanted to know my mental state before having minor knee surgery last year. I was like "I'm good, why?" He said people that are depressed will not heal as well or as fast & if I'd had untreated depression, he wanted it addressed before my surgery!

Please consider trying a therapist. You will only know if it's for you or not, if you try. Medications are also a personal choice but help so many ppl, including me. The commercials have to list all the "scare sheet" potential side effects. If a person ate a bad clam & had diarrhea while as a trial participant to a med, it would be reported as a potential side effect even tho it was caused by a bad clam!

I'm not saying they don't have side effects bc they do. All meds do. The bottom line is if the gain is worth the risk & in my case, my lowered libido on an AD is a risk (side effect), I'm absolutely will to take to feel peaceful, happy & "normal."

Sending you much support & stay with us. We're all a family here and will take you under our wing, no matter what you decide to do.

Hugs!
Lisa

Thank you all for the replies,

I have so much I want to share so you can understand why I'm so messed up as a person so I guess I should try and start from the beginning but I know how long it can get so I will only share so much at a time for all of our sakes (me posting and others reading).

My mother never wanted me and she always let me know it (my dad treated me like gold, the only blessing I had in my life but I know he didn't necessarily "want" me either and when I explain about my "mother" you'll understand why...

Both parents escaped from Hungary during the revolution in 1956 and came to Canada, each with kids (my dad with my half sister and my mom with my half sister and half brother---technically I'm an only child with a lot of half siblings) so I understand the stress of what they went through when they escaped was traumatic for them (they were in their early 30's at that time). Once they each arrived in Canada they both found other mates (where more half siblings came from---I'm the last child they each had) eventually they met each other and had a relationship and and accidental pregnancy (3 in total actually, one before me which my mom had a miscarriage, then me, then another after me in which mom had an abortion) at that time my mom already had 5 kids in total and was 39 when she got pregnant with me which she didn't realize in time as she was still getting her period regularly even while pregnant with me for the first 4 months and on BC pills but was slightly gaining unexplainable weight so although she didn't know it, she was 4 months pregnant with me when she finally found out from the DR she went to see in regards to her unexplained weight gain.
Well she found out and asked for an abortion but they wouldn't cuz she was too far along with me...that's really when my hell started, knowing I wasn't wanted (by either of them understandably but at least my dad never made me feel unwanted and hated) my parents only lived together for a short time before I came into the picture (he was a womanizer but they stayed in contact as friends as years went by) so although I lived with my mom and her other kids I still got to see my dad daily growing up until he passed away in 2005 (I'm 47 yrs old and female) that was one of the worst days of my life.

My mom was clearly affected differently from her escape compared to my dad, guess everyone handles stress different, I wish I could have taken after my dad but sadly I think I'm more like my mom...she was very abusive especially mentally/emotionally but when we got to a certain age she definitely enjoyed hitting us, some of us got it worse than others. I however did not follow her "parenting" style with my 2 kids, but definitely I have the same type of anger and self-loathing issues my mom had (also passed away since 2010, I felt a release of weight lifted off me the day she passed, sad eh) I hoped that I would be able to feel better about life in general but as usual life shows us what we're really in for...which is why I hate life and how twisted it works.

So I'm going to finish this reply with the kinds of verbal abuse I grew up with from my mom..

With each birthday as I got older and older rather than a simple "happy birthday" I'd get;
"so this is the day (x amount of years ago) that you snuck into my life, if I would have known I was pregnant with you in time, you wouldn't be here today."
Then on a daily basis I grew up hearing how much she hated me, and when I cried about anything (like being hit by her) she'd tell me how ugly I looked when I cried, just like my dad's other daughter (she hated her like she hated everyone) I heard about how stupid I was...she'd call me every disgusting name u can think of and made me feel ashamed and embarrassed about myself on a fairly regular basis...she did this to all of us, some got it worse than others but she made us all feel hated and she would drive wedges between us because she wanted us to only love her.

My mother was a lot like yours. The manipulation between half siblings. And not wanting me. In fact when she died I celebrated. We can carry this, but we need to let it go so we can get on with life. You are not your mother, and you are not at fault for being her daughter. You are here for a reason. To be loved...

Try to work with a therapist so you can put this all behind you and live your life the way you want and to be happy. We are not defined by our parents actions... And we are not lesser because they didn't love us in the right way... It is sad, I know, but you will move on and you will be happy...

I know how you feel, it hurts. Especially when a parent says that they wish you were never born and they blame you for everything. Just remember who you are, know you are lovable, you are worthy... Know you have friends here too...

Hugs, Karen...

pb4, that's seriously screwed up. I dunno what your mum went through in Hungary, but she sounded like she was a deeply disturbed woman. I think in your case therapy could really help, but I wouldn't go for short-term 'fixes', like CBT. Personally, my thinking was too inflexible to be helped by CBT or mindfulness therapy. Even if I wanted to change it, I couldn't. I'm on the autism spectrum, I don't do flexibility.

However, I do find talking to a sympathetic professional does help. The problem with the NHS is that you never get to see anyone for the long-term, but the current crop of people I have at the moment are all very nice and supportive.

If you do decide to give therapy a try, then having a good rapport with the therapist is an absolute must. Hopefully you won't have to 'shop' around, but you are absolutely entitled to try different therapists until you find one you like and trust.

As for antidepressants, they can help. You don't really lose anything by trying one, but I can't honestly wax lyrical about them. They aren't 'happy' pills and don't have a cheering-up effect: if only. I'm on 40mg citalopram and in all honesty I don't think it has touched my depression. If it's helped with anything at all, then it's been anxiety rather than depression.

I agree with everyone. I myself do have both and I find that if I do not take the med or miss an appointment I do not feel as well as if things had gone as planned. Hope this helps.

We find that things in the past can effect our lives and how we feel. But we acknowledge them and after that it is time to move on. It can only effect us if we let it. Many of us had bad childhoods, it is sad, but it happens. Some say we have to forgive, some say just get on with life.

Forgiving is good if it helps us to move on. Frankly I never haven't really forgiven my mother, but I have broken away from the hold it had over me for years.

I highly suggest seeing a counselor and getting some help to put this behind you. It has taken up enough of your time and your life. It is time to work on yourself now. Please see somebody. It will help you in the long run... I saw one who specialized in PTSD and it really helped to put it all behind me.

Take care of you now. You have addressed the past, now is the time to get better and have a full and productive life.

Medications can help too. Some do really help.

Best wishes to feeling better.

Keep posting, as it does help...

Hugs, Karen...

Hey pb4. If you want to email me for further discussion, feel free to. I do have one or two ideas but I don't know if they're relevant, and they're not really something I want to discuss on a public forum. On the other hand, don't worry about offending me by not emailing: it's entirely up to you.

As far as CBT/mindfulness is concerned, from the NHS's point of view, they're cheap fixes. They can train up counsellors on the cheap and offer 6-10 week courses to anyone complaining of depression or anxiety. I'm not against CBT therapy, but I am concerned about the quality of some of its practitioners (I had a trainee woman 4-5 years ago. It did not go well...) and its monopoly on mental health services: it's almost impossible to get any other type of therapy on the NHS.

For me, I've at long last got some decent support and it is helping a lot. I won't say what I had to go through to get it and it won't be around forever (nothing is long-term on the NHS). As I said previously, I'm not against CBT; it teaches you to question your own thoughts and that can't be a bad thing. But some people need more specialised help than what CBT alone can give them.