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My Boyfriends family hates me & it has seriously weakned me.

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Posted 12/11/2014 7:04 PM (GMT 0)
Me and my boyfriend have been together almost 5 years. We broke up for a month or so and I was seeing this other guy, during that time my boyfriend wanted me back and I was confused and told him that I needed time to figure out what I want, I never slept with him while I was still with this other guy.

His sister started text messaging me telling me to leave him alone and its not fair and blah blah, she knows nothing about our relationship, and he had broken up with me in the firs place. I didn't feel I was doing anything wrong as I was straight up with him that I was seeing someone else and need to think. His sister said awful things to me, I never said anything hurtful back as I knew we would probably get back together and I didn't want to create a bigger elephant.

We got back together, I did something selfish and wasn't completely over the other guy and slept with him after I had gotten back with my boyfriend. My boyfriend found out and we broke up again. We ended up mending that and deciding we wanted to be together and work on it regardless because we both love each other very much, this is the man I want to marry, were moving into our new condo in February, we have plans and dreams together.

I understand that they are looking out for him, but he has never been close with them and they never knew enough about us to be judges. I don't know how im supposed to go to family functions or anything, I am becoming seriously depressed because of it all. I know there are consequences to my actions, however shouldn't those be between my boyfriend and I? I want to mend the issues as I was extremely close with his family prior to all of this. My boyfriend doesn't know what to do either about it, any advice is appreciated. Please don't bother responding if you're just going to harp on me for what I did, I KNOW I MESSED UP. Big time.

Christmas is coming, his family is being so rude to me, do I go? Do I message them maybe and say something? Or do I ignore them? My self esteem has completely diminished. sad

Post Edited (ThatGirl29) : 12/11/2014 12:08:07 PM (GMT-7)

Posted 12/11/2014 7:23 PM (GMT 0)
Well it really is not anyone elses business.

the real issue here is the relationship between you and your BF.

It seems that you have some hard questions to ask yourself. If it is that easy to see someone else when there is trouble, what will happen when you are married?

Are you mature enough to make the commitment? Marriage should be for life, especially if children are involved.

Communication between you and BF is more important that anything else if the relationship is to work.

Peace
Trina
Posted 12/11/2014 7:51 PM (GMT 0)
They seem to need time to trust you again. How do we gain trust? By being trustworthy. Whether they come around or not is not the point--your relationship with BF is.
Posted 12/11/2014 10:37 PM (GMT 0)
Hi there and welcome to the forum. I take it you are depressed or you wouldn't be posting here.

You can't control other people's reactions to what you do. He really probably shouldn't have shared with them your and his situation, but he did, so that is besides the point.

It may take time for them to trust you again like Myself stated, and that is understandable. You have to admit that. I also agree with Trina on whether or not you are ready for a commitment. If things get rocky are you going to look elsewhere. He may be wondering that too. I know you don't want to be harped on about it, but posting on an open forum opens you up to that.

We all make mistakes. And they eventually do become a thing of the past. But everybody is different, and they all react differently. Some of the family members may even confront you on some things. But I think once things are dealt with, it will be alright. Especially if you were close to them at one time. But hopefully it wont even come up...

You may even want to talk to a therapist especially if you are feeling you have lost self esteem. But when it all comes down to this, it really should just be between you and your boyfriend. Though at this point, it isn't. I hope you can go there with your head held high and be able to take anything that comes your way. Like I say, everybody makes mistakes from time to time. The best thing is to learn from them and move on...

Best wishes...

Hugs, Karen...
Posted 12/12/2014 1:51 AM (GMT 0)
You cannot change how your boyfriend's family is treating you now that easily. It will take a lot of time and effort to regain their trust and affection. What goes on in your relationship may only be between you and your boyfriend but his family will notice if he's happy or having problems with your relationship and will not hesitate in voicing their opinions which may affect your relationship.

If you want to continue you relationship with your boyfriend then you should have the patience and understanding to accept the strained relationship you'll have with his family. If you show them that you'll stick by their son through thick and thin and you'll gonna love him no matter what, then their treatment of you will improve for the better.

Just think about it before you make a final decision.
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