Hopeless

Hello,
so I'll just tell you my story so you can understand what my problem is.
I'm sure that I was suffering from depression for almost two years until summer this year.

Firstly, in 2012 I got to know a boy and he was my first real love, I was 15/16 at that time. He lives in another country as I do so it was clear from the beginning that we have no chance, however I hoped it would work out probably. We've been in contact all the time but he had some girlfriends but always told me that he couldn't wait to see me. I was very unhappy back then, I was crying every night. All I could think about was him. But I didn't see him for 1,5 years. So when we finally met again we went out but things weren't like they used to be and soon I started forgetting him, thinking things were getting better. That was in September 2013.

But then in October I lost two of my best friends of which I knew one for around 10 years. Again I felt like my whole world is crumbling. I was very very sad and cried a lot again but I also felt angry, because the reasons were unclear. Fortunately it didn't last as long as the time before, only for some months but I gained 15 kg in that time. Weight that I had lost before and during summer 2013.

In summer things were really good, I had a lot of fun with friends of mine and I was very happy. But then I was betrayed by two family members. It was so shocking to me, that I had a mental breakdown. And because of these two people and their lies I got into a lot of trouble with my parents but thankfully things got better and nothing changed in my relationship with them.

So I felt good again, I had already found new friends or got better with people I was already friends with. I lost some weight again and I was in love again. It was a guy from my school. But how lucky I am he told me I ain't his type. I thought I could deal with it. But when the night falls I just loose it all and start crying so much that I can't stop. I listen to sad music and I'm more and more into darkness and these things. I started wearing the color black almost every day and sometime my whole outfit is black. I think I can say that I got a bit more into this gothic-thing.

During day time, everything's fine and I feel confident and strong and happy. But as soons as it gets darker I can't control myself. Is or has anyone been in an similar situation? Can anyone explain these things to me, because I still couldn't find on the internet.

Sorry that my post is so long but it's the only way I can explain.

Yes, I agree please try talking to your doctor or another trusted adult. Good luck.

Thank you all for your suggestions, I'll try to talk to someone as soon as possible and go see a doctor too.
All the best :)

Good luck. Let us. Know how your doing

Thanks, I just joined, I'm very glad to be a part of this forum.

Hello everyone,

Firstly I'd like to thank you for all your replies. It really helps seeing that one is not alone. In the last days I felt good. I expected things to be worse than they actually are right now.

In the first two days after "being dumped" I felt this sadness and emptyness as the night began to fall. But thankfully it didn't last and now I almost don't feel it at all. Also I don't feel the urge to listen to sad music constantly anymore. I realized that I somehow got addicted to this sadness, hopelessness and emptyness I suffer(ed) from and it's extremely shocking to me, because it just seems and is so crazy that I feel/felt pleasure from being down.

I think things are getting better now. I feel confident and strong and hope that this won't change again but still consider visiting a doctor.

Just wanted to let you all know (: