Posted 12/22/2014 11:34 AM (GMT 0)
I have posted to this site before and found the comments and advice very helpful.
In december 2013 I met my boyfriend who seemed amazing, happy, talented, outgoing and inundated with friends. about 4 months in we had a row and his reaction to it was extreme, i saw it as a small disagreement but he totally shut down and didn't speak to me for weeks. When he got back in touch he told me that he has had depression for years and thats how he deals with things. He shuts himself off and needs to be left alone.
Since then it's happened 3 more times, the 2nd time was the worst as he wanted me to leave him alone so i did, but then when we sorted it out I found out that he'd been talking to girls on dating websites for attention while he wasn't getting any from me. I didn't understand this as it was his choice for me to leave him alone and i was so hurt after finding this out but still stayed with him. The most recent occurance was a fight caused by me, but after desperate apoligies and doing everything i can to fix it, he 4 weeks down the line doesn't want to talk to me. We missed our year anniversary, missed gigs we had tickets to and now obviously are going to miss christmas together to. I'm also having quite a serious operation in 2 weeks and he's not come to any of the appointments with me and hasn't acted like he even cares. I'm absolutely distraught and don't know what to do. He keeps contacting me saying he loves me, but its become apparant that if i try and talk about the problem and tell him how he's hurting me he just loses his temper and says that it's not all about me and that i'm selfish and evil. Then a few days later he contacts me again and the same thing happens.
I know a relationship so new shouldn't be like this but i Love him and when it's good it's great. He does so much for me and I know he loves me. But i have to tread on egg shells around him because i know if/when we have a fight it will result in me being in limbo for weeks. He thinks it's my fault ands says that he's not like this with anyone else....but none of his friends or family know about his condition so it's easy for him to put on an act for them. I don't know much about his ex relationships, he always says that it was all their fault that it ended but i get the feeling he did the same with them as he does to me.
My friends all think i should walk away, but i dont' want to give up on him because he'll never be in a normal relationship if he carries on like this. Also it's hard to say i'm giving up, because i know in a day, week, month, he'll come back begging and crying and saying he loves me.
Coul he ever change, or is this him? Depressed and incurable?