I have sever depression with bipola manic episodes..and everything else that comes with depression...it all started 5years ago Xmass eve I went up stairs to wake my 16year old son ...When I got to the top of the stairs and seen him in his bed it wasn't right something was different I felt it..As I walked over to him my heart pounding ..He had passed away...he was born with a rare form of muscular dystrophy..we were told two years at best ..but he was with us for 16 he would of been turning 17 on March 3 rd. For the first 4 tears a layed on my couch rolled in a ball ..was up for 5 to 7days at a time ..zmy Body would not function..I felt like I lost all I had ..when in reality I did not .I have an amazing husband and a younger child..For all those years I felt so alone..Some days I would get up run around and clean do errands thinking the worst of the depression was over...Lityle did I know it was a manic episode..I was back on the couch again..I didn't RELIZE what I was doing to my family..My husband did everything for me...as he was also grieving ..I was being selfish..He was able to go back to work after taking some time off and my younger son went back to school..were did that leave me..I was mt py sons care taker and now that was gone..we would spend our days just laughing and I would get him up shower him .and do all he needed to be done ..He was in school high school .but he was getting sicker .We ended up getting his teacher to come in and tuter him....he was an a student ..looking at him you would never know anything was wrong with him ..minus his electic wherl chair.,..as the years after he died I started to feel like mabe I did something wrong ..when I know I didnt ..I just kept blaming myself....there were no days every day was like one ...my blinds down..never wanted the sun in darkness ...couldn't leave the house I would think people were just staring at me...but they were not..It's just amazing how depression can take over your i tire body. A little every day and we don't notice..I always thought I was having a heart ATTAC or had some incurable disease ...It was horrible...just recently I started to see a counselor ....SHES nice we have talked about
my intire life...Still going we are no way mere my sons death...With Xmass Eve just arond the corner I'm so afraid I'm going to slip back ,After all the peogress I have made....I don't want that ..but how can I controle it...I want my son and husband to have a f
Great Xmass it's been a while to to my depression ..I'm Afraid I'm going to screw this up ...like I said it's amazing what your brain can do to your body......All I can do is pray to God I can give them the holiday they deserve ..It's not about
me and my depression..I know they are also hurting .".So why must I be so selfish....Please give me the strength to get thru this day make it a beautiful memory for me family..Give thanks to all I have and keep the memories of my son alive during his up coming anniversary to his death.."...Be thankful for the time I had with him....and enjoy my family with all my heart ..THAY are hear with me in person..my son is with me in spirit ,my heart,memories that will always keep him alive in all our hearts....Please for give me for goin on....Just asking for a prayer or two ........mabe this is the wrong place to talk about
this..But it is the depression that took my life away for many years I'm working so hard on being myself again..A great mom ,wife ,friend, sister, Ect..........who I was before my son passed and this awful thing called depression stole my love right from Undernieth me.....It's a horrible deseace ......Merry x mass ..happy new year ....to all of anyone took the time to read this God bless you..if you have any suggestions I am
open to them..
Post Edited By Moderator (getting by) : 12/18/2014 6:02:56 AM (GMT-7)