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I don't know if I'm depressed, but I want to know how to be happy again?

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Depression
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Posted 1/5/2015 2:31 AM (GMT 0)
I have never been to a doctor for depression, but I have been going through a lot of downs over the past year. I will have days that I feel like I don't have much to be happy about, and then pretty much everything makes me feel like crying. But I feel like I have no good reason to feel this way, too. I am happily married and I have 3 wonderful kids - 2 teens and 1 5 yr old. I know that I sometimes get too involved with my kids' lives - especially my oldest teen daughter. She has had boyfriend troubles, and I tend to make it MY problem, too, and get stressed when she is and try to help with their relationship. I think sometimes this is part of the reason I get down, because I am too worried about her/her relationships and not enough about my own. I also sometimes feel jealous that she is just getting started with life and it's exciting, and mine is like half over and boring. I know that is the wrong way to think, but I am having trouble helping that. My husband and I have been married for almost 20 yrs and we love each other but sometimes I feel like it's gone a little stale. He works a LOT and I'm home with the kids and I watch my baby nephew part time. I don't really have any best girl friends either, which sometimes makes me sad. I am religious, so I feel like there must be a reason I am here on earth but I guess I get sad because I don't really know WHAT that reason is besides being a mom and wife, which to me doesn't seem like ENOUGH? I have lost interest in many of the things I used to love doing, like watching TV shows, watching movies, baking/cooking, making jewelry/crafts, etc. And I just don't really know how to get back to WANTING to get up in the morning and just being HAPPY. I really don't want to have to go on medication for it (I never have), and I don't even know if I need to. I just really want to stop feeling the way I am feeling. :(

Post Edited (fairybaby5) : 1/4/2015 8:11:27 PM (GMT-7)

Posted 1/5/2015 7:46 AM (GMT 0)
welcome fairybaby5. you have a lot on ya plate, and frankly my dear it needs emptying. you need time for you. i would see ya doc, he she may have some treatment ideas. but you got to start with you. all this extra stuff with kids, baby sitting, etc needs addressing, and your relationship with ya hubby. counselling is very beneficial. i mean fairybaby5, i am a bloke, but even i can tell ya need some girly friends around ya. maybe some mums groups-get some socializing happening-and you can ***** about stuff. good for the soul. (you may edit karen, trina just thought the term was apt.-message for the mods) reduce ya load. and your head!!! too much input-no output for it!!! sending healing thoughts your way. it self edited. it was in context. oh well.
Posted 1/5/2015 9:19 AM (GMT 0)
Hi fairybaby5,

I agree with Jamie, see the doc or a therapist. You do got to live your own life. I agree about making friends and maybe some groups. Do things to make yourself feel fulfilled. You have put in your time, now to reap some...

Let your daughter live her life and learn from her own mistakes. You can always intervene if you need to. Try not to be envious of her life. You will evolve into your next step in life soon. Growing old can be good. Experience is a teacher...

Medication can really help... Hang in there, keep posting.

Read...

Hugs, Karen...
Posted 1/5/2015 3:53 PM (GMT 0)
Thank you both for the thoughtful replies! I do feel like I need to do some soul searching or something, and hopefully make some friends. I have had a few over the past year but they didn't really work out for one reason or another. And one of them REALLY took it out of me when she was saying I was her "BFF" one day and pretty much using me to babysit her kid and then when I believe she became jealous of me she decided to just stop talking to me for no real reason. It was hard on me. :( Anyway, thank you again.
Posted 1/5/2015 4:00 PM (GMT 0)
Fairbaby,

I do not have any close girls friends, well geographically anyway.
I have a few close friends, count them on one hand, most people in reality have this. If you have one, including your husband you are blessed.

Try opening up communication with your husband, try a night without TV, his favorite music and cards for instance. Conversation usually just kinda flows while you play cards. It gets you back into interacting with each other. A walk once or twice a week after he gets home from work, it helps him to unwind. take the baby in a stroller if you have to.

Yes my husband works many hours, he is a chef, he balks at these suggestions, however, he does do them and he feels better for it. Don't fight, just gentle nudge once and awhile until it happens

You might consider seeing your doc and getting a reference for a therapist for yourself. They work wonders to put life in perspective!

Peace and strength
Trina
Posted 1/5/2015 4:06 PM (GMT 0)
Often when people are jealous of us, we tend to think that something is wrong with us. I am glad you realized that your friend was jealous. It hurts, I know, but just know it isn't you...

I tend to like to do things to make others happy at times, so I get used a lot. It stinks, but if I don't allow my self to be somewhat vulnerable, I tend to get paranoid. I would rather not be paranoid. And untrusting... I guess it is okay for me to get used on occasion, as long as I know when to draw the line and not get taken badly. We have to learn when people are being sincere I guess. It takes practice I think...

Try to take life one day at a time. It does sound like you are depressed, so I hope you talk to a doctor. Seeing a therapist of some sort may be all that you need. You aren't deeply depressed (or it doesn't seem you are) so reversing this state of mind could be easy and quicker than some. I hope... You just got to catch it early and it sounds like you are.

You may just need something to look forward to, or some structure in your life. Small goals and so on...

I talk about this a lot, but "mindfulness" is a great tool. I also do meditation. Both of these really help and they are something that we have the power within us to do. On the first (second) thread on the forum there is a title called "depression resources". If you click on that, you will find a lot of good information, sites and telephone numbers. There is a site on "mindfulness" that is really helpful. I hope you check out that thread...

I hope you have a good day today. Not so nice here weather wise. Snow, cold and windy. Winter storm I think.

Take care and keep posting...

Hugs, Karen...
Posted 1/6/2015 3:53 PM (GMT 0)
Thank you so much for the thoughtful replies.
Posted 1/6/2015 4:46 PM (GMT 0)
How are you doing today???

Hugs, Karen...
Posted 1/7/2015 6:36 PM (GMT 0)
Thanks for asking. I am doing a little better. I started reading some self help books and it seems to be helping. I am trying to learn more about myself and why I am feeling the way I am and how to help myself. If I find the right combination of books, I am thinking it'll help. :) I can already see I tend to be somewhat of a "rescuer" and "co-dependent" on my family's happiness in order for myself to be happy, which causes me to lose myself in the process. smhair
Posted 1/7/2015 7:17 PM (GMT 0)
very good, I have found I like a lot of self help books. They are nice to have. There are many good ones. I liked one that was titled "healing the child within"??? I thnk that was what it was called. Or the inner child, I can't remember now... But it kind of helped you figure out why you act and think the way that you do. It is good for people who had rough child hoods, which a lot of us have. I hope you find some on Cognitive Behavior Therapy, or CBT... They help a ton...

Take care and continue to have a great day!!!!

Hugs, Karen...
Posted 1/7/2015 11:19 PM (GMT 0)
good stuff. i praise people being proactive with there health.
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