I was wondering if it is odd that I am afraid to make a post that I am doing well, in fear that I will sabotage myself in some way?
I think at times, I have felt great hope with my depression, to only be shattered when a medication didn't work out, and after last year I don't even know if I could go through that again.
I will say it, I am doing so much better, my depression is almost non-existent, I feel hopeful, I do feel sad at times but that is normal, what was not normal for me was in my deepest state of depression I was depressed and didn't even understand why it was so bad. Yes, my Father having Alzheimers saddens me greatly, and I will cry when I hear his voice, but that is normal sadness I grieve for him, because I love him so dearly.
I just want to be better, I am feeling happiness again, I wake up happy for another day-even though I sometimes wake up and have a panic attack, I am thankful for another day to do good and find joy in small things.
When others are noticing how much better you are doing, you know something good is happening. One of my favorite movies is "The Pursuit of Happyness", and how Will Smith questions how did Thomas Jefferson know that we can pursue it but might not find it: " It was right then that I started thinking about
Thomas Jefferson on the Declaration of Independence and the part about
our right to life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness. And I remember thinking how did he know to put the pursuit part in there? That maybe happiness is something that we can only pursue and maybe we can actually never have it. No matter what. How did he know that?"
I want to not only pursue it, but I want to be happy, and I am thankful that for today I am happy.
