Depressed Spouse - Why is everything my fault?

I love my husband. I love my husband. I love my husband.

That is my mantra these days.

I am afraid if I don't keep saying that over and over again I will lose sight of it. My husband suffers from depression and I am the target of "it." When his father was at the end of his journey with lung cancer, I sent him out of state so he could spend the last month with him. I took care of everything for him while he was gone. I felt it was the right thing to do. When his father passed, my husband took every opportunity to tell me I was cold and just in it for the inheritance.

When his grandmother passed from extreme old age (97) mixed with dementia, I didn't cry. I met the woman once and spoke to her twice a year. She seemed lovely, but I had no relationship with her. By the time I came into the picture, she barely knew who my husband was, much less had the capacity for "new" people. My husband did not want to go to her funeral. Instead, he spent 2 months telling me what a cold person I was, how I had a hard heart, and did nothing but seemed to foster ungrateful and unsympathetic behaviors in our children.

I finally convinced him to speak with a counselor. He had one 20 minute phone conversation. He says he is on the road to recovery. Everything is fine.

He got upset with something I said at dinner 4 nights ago. He hasn't spoken to me since. Well, that's not true. He told me his depression is my fault because I am a cold person that does nothing but want to see him down. Apparently, I like to keep him there.

I love my husband.

My husband has depression.

What help is out there for me? If he isn't going to get help and insists he doesn't need it because I am the reason, is divorce my only option?

This kind of post makes me nuts.

-cyber-hugs-

SO, wait until he finishes his thought. Then, calmly, say, "I will not let you abandon the responsibility for your own emotions. I am willing to help you in any way I can. However, you need to accept where you are and take steps to help yourself."

Rinse and repeat until it sinks in.

Avoid angry words, avoid loaded words, and above all keep a calm tone and a serious face. If he gets angry, leave his presence for a few hours.

I understand what you are going through.

Hi there. It is NOT your fault.

Find a depression support group near you, and take him! Even if you have to argue about it. Reverse he words, "I want to show you, I don't want to keep you down. Please come."

Mostly, he is scared I think. Anger hides fear and hurt.

If this does not work, Go to your local crisis center go all the info you can on his diagnosis read about it. So you know where he is coming from even if he doesn't,

Peace and strength
Trina