Have I hit rock bottom?

I'm not sure if anyone can relate to what I'm about to say entirely or if anyone will even read this but I feel like I need to say it or write it as I have no one left to talk to. This is my personal confession. I'm at the lowest point in my life, quite literally rock bottom. At this very moment I have a bottle of Jack Daniel's that I'm getting through at 1:30 in the afternoon. I've maybe smoked a pack of cigarettes today and have not eaten anything. I have about $8 in my bank account with all of my credit cards maxed out. I'm a 29 year old single male with a good career and I make very close to a 6 figure income. Yet I cry myself to sleep at night and I feel isolated and alone. I've lost most of my good friends and I typically don't answer the phone when my parents or family call me. My life consists of going to work and then coming home to get hammered every night. The majority of my income...probably 60% or so is spent on alcohol, *******, and ***********. I'm aware of the health risks of all of these addictions yet continue because death doesn't sound all that bad. I would do it right now if I could except unfortunately I'm a coward. Ultimately I want this to stop. I was happy at one point (mostly in college) but everything just seems to be going down hill year after year. I'm in the darkest loneliest hopeless position I have ever been in my life and I know that's relative because it could always get worse. I want to be better. I just don't know that it ever can be.

I know that everyone's experience is different and most likely no one is at my low point. Is this depression? Is there anyone out there who has been this low, irresponsible, and disgusting? Did you get out of it? How?

I'm agnostic but dear God, if you're there please help me.

Post Edited By Moderator (getting by) : 3/8/2015 4:49:52 PM (GMT-6)

Okay when I went to edit, I saw what the third thing was, which can be an addiction also. But it is still up to you to do something to stop and make some lifestyle changes...

Thank you both for reading through and responding to my incoherent rambling. I agree that you can't have a healthy state of mind when you have addictions, but in my case it was the depression that caused the addictions. When you have nothing to look forward to thd next day, you look for what can bring you immediate, albeit temporary and destructive, pleasure. I've turned into an empty hollow hedonist. I don't care for tomorrow because I don't feel that it could possibly be any better than today. I tell myself, I may as well feel good now right? But I end up paying for it later.

A good friend, who I love, told me she didn't want to see me again until I get myself together. This was four months ago and it sent me on a downward spiral. I've seen a doc and I got prescribed an SSRI. At this very moment, I'm looking at a prescription bottle of lexapro on my right and a bottle of whiskey on my left and I'm struggling but I desperately want to go to the right.

Does anyone have experience with these types of drugs? Will it work right away?

I am so sorry that you are going thru this...And you're not alone. I had several issues growing up (abuse sexual & physical, broken home, poverty, etc.) and I tried to rise above it but in reality I just buried it inside and stive to rise above my surroundings versus to let it define me. But in the end everything I buried caught up to me pretty quick and I found myself basically where you are at 27. bottom line is when I was in the spot where I hit bottom, I chose to do whatever it took to change. I also wanted the change to be for me any no one else. So I moved, I got a new job, I got extensive counseling, I detoxed, I literally changed everything to help me love myself and make myself healthy and happy for me. I didnt do it alone, I asked for help. I didnt change for a spouse or loved one, I did it for me. I also was honest and stopped lying about my feelings or situation. I took every piece of advice that I was given of people that had similar stories. I took my counseling very serious and attended religiously and reveled all. I also stopped getting into relationships that were not stricktly about me getting better (no sex or romantic) because I wasnt willing to pretend to give or give up what little love I had. And after a while it started to work. I have never been more happy and I never looked back. No problem I have faced since has ever made me feel hopeless. I have walked thru divorce, bankrupcy, loss, love, success, and so much more and not once been back to the bottom. I decided that when I was at bottom that I was going to pull myself out of the hole and I was going to choose me over everything until I was healthy. I really hope that you can have a moment of clarity to choose you and that you see you are strong enough even for a moment to take the first step to getting better. I hope this helped

I hope that you chose the right... It isn't always easy to stop things. Sometimes you do need help.

Moderation is usually the advice, but some people can't do it that way. For them it is all or nothing... But being alcohol is a depressant, it isn't going to help you in the long run. Basically because you have depression too. Please talk to somebody. I want to see you get better and not blow your money... You have potential, and you have capability to succeed, please try to do that. You have your whole life to enjoy. Work is the best friend right now... But even if you were to get a therapist and be totally honest, it would help you. That extra support is so needed.

I hope today is an easier day for you. Just try to stay sober. Put one foot in front of the other and do something you enjoy straight... Take into mind that it may take more than one try. It may take some tapering??? I don't know... I didn't have a problem stopping alcohol, I just lost my desire to drink. I didn't like getting drunk really anyway. I liked beer... The taste...

Know you aren't alone when you come here. People really do care about you. I hope this is a good day for you.

Hugs, Karen...

it will be up n down. my mantra.well one of them is 'slow and steady wins the race'. yes baby steps for now. good progress. healing thoughts to you.

Good for you one step at a time like the others have said don't put too much pressure on yourself that you have started out with a first great step. I wish you all the best and to get through your new medication might cause some discomfort go to the resources and do mindful meditation videos they work great. Goodluck

Awesome start! Congratulations! Lot's of folks have the same difficulties. There is safety in numbers. You might want to seek them out for tips and suggestions. When I stopped drinking, someone explained that since I wasn't taking in the same amount of carbohydrates anymore, I might feel shaky and suggested I eat fruit or candy. Drinking a lot of water also helps flush the system and rehydrate the body. Hang in there, take it one day at a time. Keep posting and letting us know how things are going.

I am so glad that you made the right decision!!

Like everyone says, baby steps.

Please stay in touch and let us know how you are doing.

B.

re-investigate the enjoyable things you once did. and do them. check in later.

I suggest finding AA meetings near you and trying one near you. They do help.
some of the weight gain will come from the graving of sugar in your body from the alchol. That is why you are craving carbs now.

Try taking walks the fresh air won't hurt.

Great Job!
Peace and courage
Trina

I'm almost 1 week sober which I don't think I've ever accomplished in my adult life. Last night I was so tempted to buy a six pack but somehow held off. I think today and tomorrow will be my real test since I don't work and have time on my hands.

I don't know if I could handle AA meetings. To be honest, I've always pictured those as being for older demographics who I might not relate to.

Does anyone have experience with Lexapro? It doesn't seem to be doing anything. I don't have any side effects but I haven't noticed a major change in how I feel. I've also become somewhat lazy amd tired. I'm wondering if I should ask my doc to switch me to something more activating like Wellbutrin.

Congratulations to you iExist!!! You should be very proud of yourself because any addiction is difficult to give up!!

I've tried to give up addictions by replacing them with little things that I also enjoy to do (which hasn't been a whole lot thanks to my depression) I have this terrible addiction to shopping (exclusively to buying LuluLemon) pathetic I know but hey, aren't all addictions really. Instead of going online to shop at their site, I grab my Jumbo word search book and go at it for quite a few hours, is it productive, no not at all but inside my head it's a great way to distract myself and really IMO trying to drop an addiction that also is not productive and trading it for a hobby that isn't productive either in my opinion is a lot better, cuz none of us are perfect or even close but everyone needs something in their life besides work or being stuck at home with a disability.

I also force myself to exercise and the more I exercise the less forcing I have to do because it starts making me feel a little better about things but I still have a long way to go.

Best of luck to you and keep up the good work, we don't give ourselves enough credit for the crap in this life we are forced to put up with and go through sadly, so we have to be our own hero's.