Have I hit rock bottom?

I spoke too soon it seems. I skipped my dose this afternoon and gave in. I had one beer. The strange thing is, it didn't even do anything. I'm not sure if the Lexapro is doing something but I felt no euphoria from the beer. It only made me feel out of it and uncomfortable. Two hours later I'm back in severe depression mode and the world seems like a dark place again. I suppose the effect the medication had was that it made me not care that I'm alone, that I've lost all my good friends, and that I've failed in the most important aspects of life. In that sense it was starting to work.

I think I'm going to start back up on the Lexapro in the morning. One small step back today...

I'm glad that you have seen that the beer is not the answer and that the medicine is. That's just one small step backwards but tomorrow you're going to make one big step forward going back on your medicine you can do this we all support you. And I'm sure you will get friends back your friends or new friends once you get your self-esteem back up. Good luck

thepastisgone, I'm not a big believer in therapy. I feel like I'm pretty self aware and know what my issues are. I've just always felt like they are things that are out of my control or things that I don't have the power to change and I'm not talking about the addictions but rather the things that caused me to be depressed in the first place.

I can't even remember what my hobbies were it's been so long that my weekends have comprised of me staying at home drinking, smoking, and laying in bed. I don't even watch TV or movies or go out to bars with friends. I suppose when I was in college and for a short period after I read a lot, I liked learning languages, I liked politics, and I loved travelling (which I haven't really been able to do for some time given my self-destructive ways of spending money). I actually don't feel young. I would give anything to turn back time and be back in college with friends surrounding me, a girlfriend, and a positive naïve outlook on life.

Karen, I actually lost most of my friends because of my drinking habits and isolation.

I do feel a little better today. I'm trying to look at the glass half full...

Thank you all for your support.

I know this is Cliche but don't knock it till you try it... Everyone is giving you advise because its worked for them or someone close to them... So if your way isn't working try something different. I always thought its better to detox in a medical enviroment so you can be monitored and get you past the first intial symptoms. They find you counsolors if you want it also. If not you can walk out and do what your doing... Also if a day at a time is too much do 1 hour at a time or 1 second at a time... go as slow as you need until your strong enough to take bigger steps. I am sending you a prayer and happy thoughts... :)

Yes, you've hit rock bottom. But while you still live, you can summon the strength to climb out.

Your good friend, who told you she didn't want to see you until you straightened out, was sending you a message. You need to pull yourself together. Take that message, and you'll have done something that many people never have the bravery to do.

It is not a weakness to fall. It is only weakness to not get back up again. Fools may laugh at that, but wise people will know what that means.

You took the first step when you went to the store and cooked. Take those baby steps. Talk to recovering alcoholics, they know what it's like and can relate to you. You make a good income - learn to save and to manage money. Having resources that aren't thrown away to addiction will help you feel accomplished. I read a great book on money not long ago - "The Cold, Hard Truth about Men, Women, and Money" by Kevin O'Leary. It's an easy read and it's great.

Think of something you've always wanted to do, and start working on it. Follow a dream. My Dad and I have started painting together, as he's struggling to get through alimony payments to a ***** of a wife (my former stepmother) who left him, and I'm struggling to resolve multiple organ illnesses that have plagued me since birth. It's been bonding for both of us, and we're also working on talking a lot more than we used to.

I know you're probably scared of them, but try not to shut out your family when they call. Your family can be your strongest allies, try and slowly talk through and resolve issues with them. It's not easy, and don't start with an all-out confrontation or heart-to-heart. Again, baby steps. Tell them you're hurting and you want to be better. Ask for some of their struggles and stories. My grandfather never tried to heal. Be stronger than he was.

Be careful of medications, as they can be unnecessary and can cause further depression or troublesome cravings. Also, ultimately, your recovery can only come through willpower. A strong identity can work in ways than a million medicines never could.

Think about what you want to be, and then work on making it happen.

iexist,

How are you feeling lately. Please check in and let us know.

B.