PLEASE HELP.. I think, I think too much... :(

I joined because i thought, maybe, i need a little help..

I want to believe I am okay. I am a strong woman. I can do anything I want. But there is always one thing that has been my accompany since I can ever remember. Worry.

At first, I thought my worries were normal. I mean, who doean't get worried? I still want to believe actually.

But it grows a little more and more as time goes by. Until I got scared that my worries which was then an emotional became a habit. But please don't get me wrong, I don't entertain my worries. I even sometimes do things to distract me. But I can not help it. Seems that I can not escape from worrying. And I need an answer right then. Otherwise, I won't have peace of mind. And that's just frustrating.

It feels like my mind is too busy. As if it never stops thinking about things. And 75%of those thoughts were worries.. about the future, about my past, even my failures. I also find myself hard to forgive and forget. I am suffering headaches for the past few months, I thought it had to do something with my visions so I went to the doctor. He said I was near sighted and my astigmatism got worse. So i wore eyeglasses. But the headaches persist. Sometimes, it's tolerable, sometimes it's not. I stopped using my eyeglasses because I really think I have a really good vision. And I'm afraid the glasses might be a bad idea.

However, I am not really sure if my headaches are really connected with my worries. But at times I get worried, especially if I cry, my headache persists.
Honestly, about a decade ago, a family doctor suspected me of having a panic attack and advised me to see a specialist (psychologist??psychiatrist?? I cant remember) but I thought I didnt want to have a mental record or something. So I just told her I would, but i didn't. That's the same reason why I wouldn't still go see a doctor.. at least here, I wouldn't have to give my full identity, i could seek for advise anonymously.

I hope someone could help me. Im really.... well... worried that i always think too much. Im aware of it, very much, and i tried fighting, but nothing changed. I feel so hopeless and helpless. What I hate the most is when my worries lead to sadness, I sometimes just want to die when Im hurting too much.

Thank you for listening.

Thank you so much Karen for your reply. I will check the link you gave me. Thank you soooo much. I am actually been researching about depression, anxiety, worries... i am desperately seeking for help.

Good Morning Yeng,

While I don't have much to offer as a solution, I certainly can understand much of what you are feeling. I share every one of those things that you mentioned, with the exception of the headaches. Even my eyesight seems better on some days than on others.
I am new to this forum and I felt a bit hesitant to even enter the "Depression" topic as if someone could see me in here or something. Your post I the first one I have ever opened and that was because of the heading of your post jumped out at me. I can certainly relate to the curse of thinking too much and having it always lead to worry and panic and anxiety.
I intended to send this in a Private Message, mainly because I have trouble revealing my thoughts and feelings to everyone in the world, but since I couldn't figure out how to PM here, I figured I'd suck it up and hope I too am anonymous and I really wanted to say how amazed I was that someone else has the same issues that you mentioned.
I know that, for me, there are other symptoms and deeper thoughts that seem to accompany these other feelings. I'm assuming that you may as well, but I wouldn't think you'd just lay it all out in the open, because I know I wouldn't. lol
I will be watching this particular discussion to see if I can use some of the help that people are going to offer you here. I hope this doesn't come out the wrong way, but I am glad to see that I am not the only one with much of the things that eat at me. I do hope you can find some useful advice here, especially because it should be useful to me as well. I'm also glad that you had the courage to post your concerns as I am too shy to do so.
I hope you have a good day Yeng
Ta-Ta for now...

Well Thank You Karen. Of course, it is still difficult to express everything I think or feel, especially when I may not understand some of it myself. What I mean by not understanding some of it, is that, I can't always tell how I feel about something on a particular day, because I don't always know if I am being honest with myself or am I tailoring my thoughts to what people want or expect that they SHOULD be or do I feel differently from one day to the next or what the heck....
I'm willing to bet that Yeng and many of the overthinkers here, if there are any others may recognize those feelings, because I certainly do spend a lot of time overthinking what is reality and what is expected and what is the truth and what is expected and all that is jumbled into one gigantic thought ball and whipped into a froth, which then I try to separate again.
Oh, I tend to ramble as well.
Anyway, Thank you again Karen, for the comforting welcome to this forum:))
David

I do not take any medication, although I had been prescribed it, on one occasion. I suppose I don't have any faith that medication could possibly change the way I think and view things in life. I'll admit that I have trouble accepting, entirely, that depression isn't mostly of the mind, even though I do believe that depression is partly due to an improperly functioning organ caused by an imbalance of chemicals that can be treated with medication to restore proper balances to help restore the brain to it's normal state.
I know that I may seem to contradict myself in that prior statement, but there is more to my reluctance for medications and the second most compelling reason is that I don't have the patience to take a medication that takes at least 2 weeks to begin to make a difference. A diference that they say I wouldn't even be able to feel or see or know. It would be like having a sweet tooth that annoys me once in a while, but I am always at least 2 weeks from away from satisfying it and even then, I'll not know I'm satisfied. I gotta tell ya, it's a darn good thing that isn't the case, because I now have a huge sweet tooth after thinking about it when I was writing this and I'm not waiting 2 weeks to kill this one. :)
Anyway, the main reason I do not expect to commit to medication is because of exactly that. I just can't commit to it because I know I don't have the discipline to taking it on a daily schedule. My discipline is further weakened by what I had mentioned above, about the 2 weeks of feeling no results. I'm lucky that I am not a diabetic or something, because I often think about how I doubt I would, even then, take any medication regularly.
I'm thinking that the same would apply if you substituted the medication for meditation. I am amazed with people that have the power to calm thier minds down and clear their thoughts enough to meditate. I have trouble trying to calm my mind enough to stop this long winded response that I am trying to close so I can get some things done, but I just can't seem to do that. LOL
But, seriously, I understand that it must appear that I make a lot of excuses, which, I do, obviously, but they are as valid to me as any reason for actually taking the step to begin medication. I can't even begin to explain why I think any sort of therapy would do any good, but I doubt that could do anythiing other than send the therapist running for some medication of his own, when I'm done unloading on him.
It is comforting, though, that there are people who understand and experience much of the same things. I'd be curious to know what the other people here struggle with the most and how they overcome it. When I say what they struggle with, I mean like finding motivation to work, or maintain a relationship or raie a child or bills or whatever. I imagine we all find some things more difficult than others.

Yeah, and a somewhat defeated and hopeless mindset is another sign of depression. Kind of strange that I recognize the signs and acknowledge I have it and what it takes to start clawing my way out of it, yet I don't do it.
I sure hope that I don't give the impression that I curl up in a corner and weep the dark nights away. I don't even like curling up when I weep. I prefer stretching out and kicking and slapping the floor.:)
I'm kidding, of course. My dark humor often creeps out. lol In actuality, I maintain a good, full time job and no health issues, aside maybe from the major depression that a doctor diagnosed me with.
If I may ask, do you believe you have yours under control? Are the steps you are taking effective?
Was there a time when you were undiagnosed and things were bad and once diagnosed and treated, are things much different?
What are the possible causes of depression or what causes the chemical changes that leads to it?

Welcome Yeng and David to forum.

I think coping skills are your best answer if you are not going to see a doc.

Change in diet may do wonders also. red and yellow food dyes have been proven to cause mood disorders in people.

I myself am on a whole food diet, no artificial anything, not soda. Only coffee 1 cup aday. I drink water most of the time, meat twice a month if that. Mostly veggie.

Gettiing outside is important, being around people is important.

DBT and CBT learning how to stop those negative thought loop patterns that never seem to stop in our heads once they start. Some people use stop signs. To negative for me.

I use a flower, any flower will do. I picture the flower, ask who could have created such a beautiful and delicate thing? All of a sudden I am thinking of this flower and spiritual things in stead of my negative thought loop.

Jounaling helps too.

Peace
Trina