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Just need someone to talk to, very sad :(

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Posted 4/11/2015 4:15 AM (GMT 0)
I am a new member to this blog and usually never do these kinds of things, but I just really need someone to talk to, even if it's over the internet. I have had MDD for about 10 years now (I am now 22), and it just seems to be getting worse. A little background: diagnosed with severe Crohns disease when I was 10 yrs old. Parents had a nasty divorce about the same time. Along with Crohns, also have had slew of health problems among the years including leukemia, arthritis, fibromyalgia, bone/blood disorders, excessive hospitalizations, etc. I am in my last semester of undergrad. school as a pre-med student, and then will be putting myself through medical school the following year. I am currently in a dire situation of health and feel completely isolated as I cannot go out and participate in things. I don't want to see anyone, speak to anyone, be out in public, nothing. I have this anger that just keeps building up along with all my sadness. My poor boyfriend just tries to help me but sometimes I am just so mean to him. Since I was about 12 yrs old, all I've witnessed is my mom being yelled at and all I remember is fighting, so I guess I feel like I need to assert my independence all the time and prove I am strong, but I know this is not the way to do it. I just want to be loving, but I just can't. I need help. I have no one to talk to. I have tried so much anti-depressants, and have started Fitzima 40mg about two months ago. I don't think it is working. It may have helped some on the depression aspect, but my anger is at an all time high. I used to be such a caring, happy-go-lucky girl, but now I just feel like I could yell at anyone for just looking at me wrong :( I hate this person. Anyone else had luck with Fetzima? I also found that I have had an awful time concentrating/focusing, and nothing is helping me with that. I can fall asleep at the drop of a hat, and have probably tried every energy/focus supplement out there. Help!
Posted 4/11/2015 11:37 AM (GMT 0)
Hello and welcome Kell0293. I'm sorry to hear you are having such a rough time. I've only recently started on Wellbutrin and don't know much about other meds. Keep checking back, others are sure to post replies. Keep sharing here, it's the safest place I've found. No one judges here, we all have 'stuff' going on! Have you checked out the Crohns forum? I share in 2 forums myself, we don't mind 'double dipping'!
Posted 4/11/2015 12:13 PM (GMT 0)
Hi Kell0293,

Welcome to the forum. Sounds like you are dealing with a lot of stuff. Do you see a psychiatrist? It generally helps. They are real good at knowing what meds to try. Usually antidepressants take six to eight weeks to reach full potential.

You may need something for concentrating too. There are meds out there that can help with that.

I hope you start feeling better soon.

Hugs, Karen...
Posted 4/12/2015 2:52 PM (GMT 0)
Welcome to the forum.

I suggest you seek therapy and or pysch help from the Wellness center at your University, most have them.

If not, find a support group for depression. It is hard to start steady attendance, but once you do, the feed back and realization that people feel and go through the same emotions as you, is priceless.

Peace
Trina
Posted 4/12/2015 2:59 PM (GMT 0)
It sound like you have very similar circumstances to me...I too have crohn's (just got it into remission with Humira) but my IBS that I developed 13ish years ago on top of my crohn's is yet to get under control (working on it with dietitian) and I too grew up with my parents fighting all the time and just a plain old mean mom that was both verbally abusive and hit us a lot. And I too have a lot of anger and sadness and depression as a result of life in general. I just started seeing a therapist and she's going to have me tackle my anger issues first.

If you're able to see a therapist it might be a good starting point to help get things under better control, I know exactly how you feel especially since we have a few things in common, and they are big things, having CD and growing up miserably are bad enough, throw other life stresses into the mix and it's no wonder we get even more emotionally unstable. I never thought I would see one but I figure I can't keep going on the way I have been for literally decades now.
Posted 4/12/2015 9:50 PM (GMT 0)
Im so sorry you are no feeling well. I actually just did my first post on this forum too. I suffer from chronic illness so I understand how depressing it can be. I am thinking about seeing a therapist possibly. It might not be a bad idea if you look into that as a possibility also.
Posted 4/13/2015 1:24 AM (GMT 0)
Thank you all so much for the replies, I really appreciate it. I have seen a counselor, but they were not psychiatrist, and I don't feel like I got anything from it other than becoming even more upset that I had to re-open the door I'm trying to close. To Pb4, thank you for sharing, we do have similar circumstances and I'm glad you could talk with me. I'm actually just about to start Humira although I'm not crazy about the self injections. I have been on all the oral pills for CD and also methtrexate, remicade, entyvio, and now about to try humira. But with my depression, I lack a TON of self-respect, and I am bad about taking medication because sometimes I just don't see the point and kind of feel like I deserve whatever happens, and I know this is a horrible way to look at things. I have a couple numbers written down to call this week if I get some time. I am hoping a psychiatrist can help more.
Posted 4/13/2015 10:48 AM (GMT 0)
KellO293, None of us "deserve whatever happens"! I'm not great at remembering to take my meds. I keep my daily pill box right next to the coffee pot so I stand a better chance of taking it. I have one that I prefer to take in the evening but, it is new and I keep forgetting to take it! I'm trying to figure out a way to connect it to another 'activity' like my morning pills. Maybe keep it near my toothbrush? Who knows?

Once you start your new med, and hopefully quickly see results, you will most likely be more willing to continue with it. My daughter is now on 3 injectables for her diabetes. The first time she had to inject herself it took her over 3 hours just to talk herself into it! Now, it's part of her routine because she sees the results.

Hang in there! You can do it! You ARE worth it!
Posted 4/13/2015 4:50 PM (GMT 0)
Kell

Kell, the door you are trying to close, needs to be opened and delt with. I know, I have 15 years of abuse, I repressed for 28 yrs.

If we do not face our past, deal with it and finally put it behind up, it will tear us done. For example self esteem.

There is a an excellant book entitled THE MINDFUL PATH TO SELF-COMPASSION. I use it for reference now, it has help me in so many ways I would not know where to start.

I have you find a pyschiatrist that will give you an hour session, keep looking. A lot of them only do 15min appoints for meds.

I wish you peace and strength
Trina
Posted 4/13/2015 10:00 PM (GMT 0)
Kell,

I'm wishing you the best of luck with the Humira!! I can relate to how you're feeling in regards to taking them as well, it's much harder when you're depressed because you feel like giving up and I totally get it...

For you, I'm hoping that the Humira will work wonders (only side effect I got so far was horrendous headaches after taking my shots once/week, but I found that taking an antihistamine does the trick to keep those headaches at bay, so just a heads-up for you since the headaches are fairly common with Humira) and then hopefully if you're body starts to feel better and you go into remission then the depression will be a little easier to combat for you. Since I just started seeing a therapist it's too soon for me to say if it's helping or going to help but at least I can say I tried, just like with trying to get my IBS under control, if I don't find a way to combat my depression/stress then no matter what I do diet wise it likely won't be enough to aid me with getting my IBS under control...I don't have a lot of confidence that it will at this point but like I said, I've only just started therapy, should be interesting to see how that all goes.
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