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Posted 10/7/2005 2:52 AM (GMT 0)
 

   Hello to everyone

  

      Start by saying have been like this for about 6 years.  Only got really bad when my wife divorced me. Hit rock bottom then.

         I do have a pdoc and scrips just every once and while it would be nice to talk to someone who knows the feeling.

        Well I will check back later

                            Thanx scool

Posted 10/7/2005 2:57 AM (GMT 0)
Welcome pjksr :-) I believe all who post here know the feeling. If you ever want to go into chat and "talk" or want to post again, please feel free to share. We're here to listen to each other :-)
Posted 10/7/2005 4:38 AM (GMT 0)
Welcome Pjksr,

Hugs for you friend . . . its a tough time you are goin through. I hope you find (looking back later) that you are in the stage of caterpiller and that you will emerge as a beautiful/handsome butterly!

Blessings!
Posted 10/8/2005 12:18 PM (GMT 0)
Hello,

 Sorry to hear you are feeling down.  I don't come here very often, but have been feeling rather down myself too, lately. These forums are great for finding compassion and understanding.  I hope you will feel comfortable to share more about yourself. 

Welcome, and best wishes !

Posted 10/8/2005 10:08 PM (GMT 0)
Hi pjksr,
I am new to this too! Actually I have felt this way as long as i can remember. I've only been on meds and going to therapy for a couple of months. I haven't found much relief but I am trying to be patient.
So sorry to hear about your divorce. sad That's gotta be tough on anyone but especially when you feel like we do. I stumbled across this wonderful forum a couple of months ago and just got the courage to begin posting.
We can all empathize and I am sending you good thoughts and prayers.
Keep in touch, let us know if you need to "talk".
Peace,
Sadsunshine
Posted 10/11/2005 4:17 AM (GMT 0)
Thank you all

to admit you have a problem was the biggest hill I ever climbed. Sence then I have come to realize it will hit me in waves. Does anyone else feel this? Feeling good for days then all the sudden the floor drops out and you feel like you are cawling for your life. This is really scary, for so long I thought this was just normal. Then I checked myself into a hospital for thinking about killing myself. The hard part is knowing and learning to deal with it.
My kids are my foundation they can see when I am down and they ask. I guess I am asking does anyone feel like this or am just weird?
Posted 10/11/2005 11:04 AM (GMT 0)
no you are not weird. This happens to me too. It seems like I am okay for a while, than BOOM it hits hard ! I'll never understand it.
Posted 10/11/2005 6:07 PM (GMT 0)
OMG! You are totally not weird. I used to think that too. Then I found this forum and discovered, hey, it's not just me! I will go for days with life just rolling along, la di dah, but let ANY stress wander in and BAM, rock bottom. The good days are getting fewer and farther between. I feel guilty about EVERYTHING, not quite as good therefore not as deserving as anyone else. It is a daily struggle to face the world and fell good about myself.
The good news is, it WILL pass. I used to tell the kids in my class if they got a poor grade on a paper, the sun will still rise in the morning, your family will still love you.
All of this babbling amounts to, we all have up days, sometimes weeks!, but we also have very down days, sometimes weeks!
Hang in there, keep in touch.
We're here for you.

Peace,
Sadsunshine
Posted 10/16/2005 5:22 AM (GMT 0)
For the forst time in a all time I don't feel alone. You can talk to a pdoc and walk away asking yourself do i feel better? I have to say it is nice to know that I am not alone in this battle to be"happy" .
Thank you all
Posted 10/16/2005 4:17 PM (GMT 0)
Hi there, I'm new as well -- not new to the depression game, certainly, but new to the site. Things were getting so overwhelming for me lately I decided I better find someone to talk to -- Problems with my husband, problems with my job, tired of being disappointing to everyone I know -- does anyone else find they take on responsibility for how others feel? If I don't make people happy, if I yell at my kids too much one day, then I feel like a failure and a disappointment. All I knew for sure is that I was great at my job, so I always had that (I'm a nurse), but lately I've even been questioning that, so all that's been on my mind is trying to figure out why I'm here. My kids are what's holding me together right now -- I grew up without a mom & I always swore I would not do the same to my children. Why do I feel responsible for everyone else?
Posted 10/16/2005 7:53 PM (GMT 0)
Hey Cristal,
I am certainly not a doctor but why do you feel responsible for everyone else?
A. You're a woman, we do that
B. You're a mom, we do that
C. Are you a nurse? They do that!!!!
I feel responsible and guilty about so many things. Almost all of them are out of my control. I'm sad to say you sound exactly like me. I was a teacher for years, never felt good at it. I hate confrontation, my partner thrived on it. Guess who won? My husband is wonderful, I love him very much, but he can be overpowering. I tell him he yells, he disagrees. He is just forceful. He has gotten a lot better, he has seen how I just crumble. A lot of it is just my insecurity about ecerything, NO self esteem, and my inability to stand up for myself! My kids are adults now and they turned out great. I also felt guilty about dicsiplining. (sp? and I'm a teacher!!).
I apologize for everything, feel like it's my job to make sure everyone else is happy even at my own expense. I feel like a failure, I feel stupid, I feel like I have faked my way through life.
Sound familiar?
Obviously I cannot offer advice, just the knowledge that you are NOT alone. I just started taking meds and seeing a therepist. I hate going and I don't know why. He's a nice guy, beats me.
I also suffer from extreme anxiety (gee, I wonder why?)
I know you know this, but before you can take of your kids, you MUST take care of their mom. (I give good advice, I just can't follow it myself!)
What a long winded speech! Sorry!!

Thinkin' aboutcha!!
Peace,
Sadsunshine
Posted 10/16/2005 8:29 PM (GMT 0)
Everything you said sounds familiar -- I hate confrontation, avoid it at all costs.  I'm definitely a people pleaser, even if it causes ME problems later, I'll still try my best to please everyone.  I definitely feel like everything's my fault, and I know I have no self-esteem.  When I think back, it's no wonder I try to take responsibility for everything -- I feel responsible for my mother leaving us, I was blamed for my brother's suicide, I've been trying to take care of my dad ever since my brother died and doing (according to my dad, at least) a wretched job of it -- No wonder I feel like I'm responsible for how others are feeling.  I'm just really tired of it at this point and wonder when it's my turn to just take care of me.  Never gonna happen, I can tell ya that!!!!!!!!!
Posted 10/16/2005 11:11 PM (GMT 0)
Well, if you were here, I'd take care of you and you could take care of me!
My brother was killed by a drunk driver on Halloween night. He was 14, I was 11. I know I was a kid but he was irritating me (that's what big brothers do!). The last words I said to him were, "Why don't you drop dead." And he did. Kids say stuff like that all the time. My brain knows it wasn't my fault but that doesn't help. I lost a 3 day old baby. Again, not my fault but . . .
Even when people try to take care of me, and my husband does try, I always figure there's something behind it, why is he being so nice to me?
You KNOW those things are not really your fault or your responsibility, so why do we beat ourselves up?
I'll bet you are taking wonderful care of your dad and it makes me angry to have him say that.
Are you seeing a counselor? I am but so far it hasn't helped much. My husband says I'm fighting the therapy.

If you ever feel like pulling a Thelma and Louise, gimme a buzzz!!

Take good care of yourself, you deserve it.

BIG HUGS!!!!!

Sadsunshine
Posted 10/16/2005 11:56 PM (GMT 0)
I appreciate it -- am having a very stressful moment right now -- am starting a new job but not for a week or so, and I left my last job about a week ago, so it's going to hurt our finances -- my husband is angry & blaming me, so he's essentially ignored me all weekend, and I've just about had it. Don't know if I should cry or what, but what I really feel like doing is screaming at everyone in my house & then locking myself in my bedroom. Wouldn't be very grown-up of me to do that, would it???? It's good to have this forum to post on right now, you're probably saving me from having a screaming, ranting fit. Now if I can just get through the night without losing it................
Posted 10/17/2005 12:10 AM (GMT 0)
I quit my teaching job and this is my first year free! Our finances are VERY tight and of course my daughter chose to wait to get married until AFTER iwas unemployed. We love her fiance, they have been friends since 5th grade, both finished college (in separate places) so I have no qualms about the marriage. It's not until next September and we have time to save but still . . .I feel guilty about not working but it was so stressful and led to some health problems. Everytime my husband complains about money, I feel guilty. He tells me it's okay, it was OUR decision for me to quit but we are still poor!
Men can be such (excuse me) asses. They can be selfish and spoiled and sometimes we have to try really hard to remember why we married them. I don't mean to offend you but it sounds as ifyour husband is being very insensitive and I'm so sorry.

Keep your chin up, or let it fall if you need to! Feel free to email me at home anytime. I'm here for ya!!!!!

Hugs . . .

Sadsunshine
Posted 10/17/2005 5:02 PM (GMT 0)
Well, I made it through the night intact. Husband still mad at me & acting like a jerk, but the more he does it, the madder I get. I understand I'm the reason for all our problems, but I'm doing the best I can here, so he just needs to calm down & get a grip. The job I left was truly making me worse as far as my depression, not leaving the house, etc., so I feel like I did the best thing for myself, as I was starting to turn to other methods to try & cope with all my issues, and I had to get free.............Has anyone else here ever tried to cope in other ways, like drinking it away or taking pills, or other ways? What happened?
Posted 10/17/2005 5:32 PM (GMT 0)
I'm sure that people have tried all kinds of destructive ways to deal with problems but that's NEVER the answer. Do you have someplace you can go (or does he) until he cools down? Maybe a family member? You are not the reason for all of the problems. Taking care of your health is so important, he should realize that. It's not the end of the world.
Please take care of yourself. If you don't already, try a therapist. Take your meds if you have them. Keep a journal, vent away.
It will get better, it doesn't sound as if he's helping very much. Right now concentrate on YOU, getting YOU to a place where you feel better.
Easier said than done I know. Don't do anything drastic, pills, drinking, only offer temporary escape. You usually feel worse afterwards.

Take care, we're thinking about you . . .

Sadsunshine
Posted 10/19/2005 7:32 PM (GMT 0)
Hey there -- it's been a couple of days since I've been on -- Have been offered 3 jobs in the meantime, so at least that's looking up. On the pills/drinking thing, for the first time in a long time I haven't tried to use anything else to cope -- it's harder but somehow I feel better. I've never been a drinker, but I had medications from a car accident & anxiety meds, and I'd take them to escape whatever I was feeling. Even though I wish I could turn to something else to cope, I feel pretty proud of myself that I haven't & that I'm clear-headed & trying to learn other, healthy, coping mechanisms rather than just the easy ones....................
Posted 10/20/2005 12:44 AM (GMT 0)
WooHoo for the job offers!
If I read your post right you said you were drinking and taking pills to cope? You know that's not the best thing for you. Please, please, be careful. Now that things are going in the right direction, don't take a step backwards.

Keep in touch!!!
Sadsunshine
Posted 10/21/2005 3:08 PM (GMT 0)
Still so far, so good.  Still coping without the help of any type of substances, which is good.  I feel better physically than I have in a long time -- nothing like sinking to the bottom to improve your health!!  I haven't smoked or been eating badly (or eating at all!   :-) )  mainly because I've been so down, but I feel better physically than I have in a long time.  I accepted one of the jobs, not exactly the one I wanted, but is closer to my home so will be less driving, which will result in less stress in the long run -- I will still be working nights, but at least it will be a more controlled schedule than my last job.  (I'm trying to focus on the positives here, can ya tell?)
Posted 10/22/2005 7:28 PM (GMT 0)
Hey Cristal!
Way to go! Is it a nursing job?
I'm gald you are not resorting to "other substances". I haven't been eating either. SO tired. I'm trying to stay "up" so my husband won't worry. He has a stressful job AND goes to school AND never complains. He's not a saint, but he's a good guy.
I'm sure you have said somewhere but I'm too lazy to search. Do you have family? Do you have a support system? (Besides us, we are always here!!) I think I remember you saying you had a husband. Not too supportive?
I am very proud of you. You have worked really hard and deserve all the good things that I'm sure will be coming your way . . .

Peace,
Robin
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