Breastfeeding safe drugs?

I've suffered depression for most of my life; I could never actually imagine suicide but I can now and that scares me. I feel that I am thinking about it 10 times a day minimum. I need medication, I know that but after consulting google and 2 gp's without getting any comfort that this is 100% safe while breastfeeding. Has anyone been in this situation and can recommend me something to look into / ask for. I am a single mum with a young toddler, I am ruining her life :(

because of abuse in my relationships I could not at one point bond with my toddler son and felt that I was ruining his life.I went through great anguish but although emotionally I was unable to reach him, I found a way through play. I discovered the Montissori method which is not about feeling good on an emotional level you can ignore all that and simply guide your child
through his play.It's so much easier than 'trying' to be a perfect mum. I hope you can look into this, it worked for us.