New on here... Help! No motivation, canceling things..

Hello! I'm new on here. Don't have a lot of support for my depression or anxiety. Friends just get sick of me canceling things or not going anywhere so they just stop calling as much. Right now I'm not working. My husband is the sole provider and I have 2 children home(one adult that doesn't live home). Ever since the oldest (who was the closest to me), moved out my depression has came back stronger. It didn't help that 3 mos later I had a total hysterectomy with bladder repair so I was out of work recovering. I'm at the point now(4-1/2 mod postop) where it's all I can do to wakeup. When I do to get the kids ready for school, I go back and sleep. I don't have any motivation or energy to do anything- even as silly as taking a shower! I'm already on 20mg of Prozac a day. I just want to feel normal again!!! I do play volleyball twice a week (leagues), and make myself bike 2-3 days a week so I do have exercise but I have such a flat affect! Such a dark dark place!!!

Thank you Myself09!! I'm nervous about increasing the Prozac. I don't know why but I'm sure that "it's in my head." Im weird about medication. Prozac seems to work for me though! I will call my primary dr and ask her about that.

As far as a therapist, I haven't found one yet. I live outside the city, so we have 1 clinic, and I think the only therapists are there. I'm not fond of our medical clinic.😔 I suppose I can try and find a therapist, but it's work & energy that I don't even have. It doesn't make sense, but it's the best way I can describe it.

Thank you for your post though... It was encouraging and I know I need to hear that. Like I said... The friends and family i try and talk to about how I feel just tell me "it's the weather, you'll get over it," or "you just need to get back to work," or don't even suggest anything. Lately it's making me almost resent them for it. I feel like ignoring me or stopping calling me (because I probably won't go out with them anyway), makes me feel more isolated! I even went as far as deleting my facebook app on my phone and I was always on there posting pics, looking and commenting at friends comments and pics. I don't know... I feel like a mess!

Hysterectomy leaves us with a hormone deficiency, could be contributing to the depression. Not to mention the fact that perhaps subconsciously you may 'feel less of a woman' since the surgery. Let's face it, knowing for a FACT that we cannot have more children is sad. On the 'bright side' we tend to lose underarm and leg hair! No more 'monthlies'! More room in the bathroom cabinet! Less likely to be anemic! Less monthly bloating!

So many things can effect us. Menopause, whether natural or surgical will undoubtedly do a number on us, physically and mentally. You bike regularly so you're probably not vitamin D deficient. You may want to take a little extra B 12. Our bodies absorption of vitamins and our metabolism changes.

I hope talking with your primary care physician and your GYN as well as perhaps a counselor will help you figure out just what it is that you need.

You all are amazing - thank you !!!! I already feel better just from a few replies! Depression is no joke and it seems like it get worse with age! Blah!! I'm 43 and Im not a great"growing old gracefully" person! I hate aging. Wish I could've been 30 forever. 😜

That hopeless, dark place is SOOO scary!!! If it wasn't for my kids I can't imagine what I'd be dealing with. Scares me!!! The kids make me push myself to do stuff(well they don't but having them makes me make myself...).

I'm going to call my primary dr Monday am and get in to see her. Thank u again guys!

Momma,

Great first step in reaching out hear for support!

I think a therapist may be helpful. They kinda put our feeling back into perspective without us realizing it. Good ones do anyway.

Try hard to get outside at least once a day. If you can't walk, sit there for at least 10min. Being outside can change out outlook by just being there. I walk 10min or more a day.

There are some days, I will force myself to do that before a shower it is that important to me.

Know that not having anymore children is not the end, but a beginning of a new chapter in your life. I myself, could not manage to have children. So I might know how you feel.

Peace and strength.
Trina