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Posted 5/17/2015 8:35 AM (GMT 0)
So I have been dealing with self diagnosed depression I suppose. I have chronic back pain. I got pain management every month to get my pain medication. I have had back surgery already which help some with pain but not all of it. Any most of depression issue seem to come from the lack of income. My wife is the only one who bring any money in. I have tried for years to find steady income and am not able to find anything. If I do its just one of those things that is maybe a week or something if that. anyways since my back surgery just a little over a year ago. I have not been able to find anything at all, not even those little jobs. Since the surgery ( once cleared to go back to work ) I have applied to over 100 jobs literally. Out of all the money wasted in gas and travel for interviews and everything. I had three employers contact me back to tell me the honest truth. Which was they would not be able to hire me due to my back. Said that basically I was liability. So after this I contacted some some family friends of a friends that owned business and they confirmed the same thing to me. So since I have been fighting to get disability which has been an uphill battle the whole time for me. Main reason being ( from what the lawyers tell me ) is because of my age. (I'm only 24 )

Anyways with all of this going on the last year. I just feel as though I'm complete failure to wife and daughter. It's gotten to the point now were I just sleep alot more so I don't have to deal with it for that time I'm asleep. I also gotten to where I don't see family anymore cause of the way they treat me with everything going one. Like my mother and father for example just called my a lazy POS ( there words not mine ) because Im not able to do much physically anymore because of my screwed up back. Sorry for any grammar issue or if none of my rambling on makes sense.

Anyways glad I found a place I can post to to express everything.
Posted 5/17/2015 8:59 AM (GMT 0)
firstly welcome. one, you are not a pos. you have had a back operation, even though better, you are a liability. me too. back, vision, heart, so i get you. well........time for a new tact, up-skill, look outside of the square. on-line maybe. something that is conducive to your limitations. people just don't get how chronic pain and illness effect us mentally. are there any service providers that may help you? depression is the pits. a support group may help. i have done a men's shed once. making stuff, people around, de-stress. i know ya in pain, sucks, thus i feel it may be an idea to see ya doc regarding your depression. you are not a failure. just don't give up, or give in. hope this helps a little. a lot of people on the forums do voluntary work. good for ya head, heart and self esteem. the couch is no good for ya-still got to move. check out the chronic pain forum for suggestions. keep being proactive. healing thoughts.
Posted 5/17/2015 10:07 AM (GMT 0)
How is your back now? Did the surgery go well? Do you take walks? That really helps to ease some of the pain. Stretching, etc...

My step son had two surgeries on his back and it is good. He is stronger now than he was before, I guess. Just saying... Sometimes it goes better than others.

I hope something works out for you. Could you go to school and learn some work that didn't effect your back? I think you are young and I think there could be other things you could learn to do.

Best wishes...

Hugs...
Posted 5/18/2015 5:05 PM (GMT 0)
P & D

welcome to the forum.

I heart goes out to you. Age 24 is tough.

I am 54 and was just told by my Neuo, pysch and therapist I'll never work again. I was not rich, I loved my job making $62 a yr medical billing/Business Office Mgr for Healthcare.

Trying to think of something I can do part time, possibly with children.

MY point is you have to do things your way, not everyone elses way. Think outside the box.
Make a list of all your skills
Make a list of all your talents
make a list of everything you always wanted to do

Is anything coming to you that you might want to try?

do you need schooling? How much? Look into loans.

Don't give up! Never, Never give up.

There are so many things people can do with injuried backs.

Braces to help stand, lieing down 15min throughout the day.

You are a worthy person, NOT a POS. You wife is standing by you,, let her help with the lists. Hug your child for inspiration.

You have a path, it is a matter of sitting quietly, listening to yourself and finding it.

You are not alone, keep posting we are here to listen and help the best we can.
Peace Trina
Posted 5/19/2015 12:59 PM (GMT 0)
Hello and welcome. I'm sorry to hear of your troubles. Here in NJ, we have Division of Vocational Rehabilitation. It's through the Unemployment Office. If you have the same where you live, they can give you an assessment test and help you figure out what type of schooling would be an area to explore. They also help with finding grant money to pay for school. This service is especially important for those of us that cannot return to the type of work we used to do after an injury. The people there are very understanding.

You may want to apply for SSI. Supplemental Security Insurance. If you qualify, you would get money to help with your living expenses. It's NOT disability. It is a separate fund. Go to your Social Security Office. It can't hurt to ask.

Employers are not supposed to discriminate against disabled people. The fact that some of them told you flat out that they would not hire you because your back is a liability......wow.

I'd write down every single thing you do or have done. Are you good with computers? Are you good with children? Are you a good driver? Do you like to drive? Can you drive for long periods? Dispatchers and drivers (bus, tow truck, taxi, delivery) are always needed. There are things in your 'life experience' that can be doorways to a new line of work. Don't discount anything! Some families are looking to hire 'mannies' instead of 'nannies' since so many households are run by single women. You'd be surprised what kind of work is out there!
Posted 5/20/2015 11:02 AM (GMT 0)
Hi pain&depression.
Welcome to the forum!

I have had back surgery too.
I still have a lot of pain from it, so I know how you feel.
I am going through depression, panic disorder, and anxiety also.
So you are not alone.

Do you need financial help?
You could go to any church and ask the pastor for help with finding a job.
You can also try to apply for state assistance (e.g. SNAP, Medicaid, and energy assistance)
You might want to see a doctor and a therapist at the community clinic for your depression as well.

As for not being hired because they told you that you were a liability, if you get that in writing from them, you may have a case against them for discrimination.

Hope you feel better soon, and God bless you and your family.

P.S. You are not lazy nor a POS, and your mother and father should be supporting you, not calling you names!
Posted 5/20/2015 12:49 PM (GMT 0)
It is normal to grieve over the loss of health. It is also normal to grieve job-loss, especially for a man, since so much of how we define masculinity is through earning and providing.

So,give yourself a break dude. You have had a few rough things happen.

My best suggestion is to see a counselor to help you learn some different ways to approach your losses. It's is judgement-free and objective, and can help you see the forest through the trees.

Be well, friend.
Posted 5/20/2015 5:43 PM (GMT 0)
Halloo
I am new to this Forum.I am in relationship with my boyfriend since a year and half.He is my first boyfriend and i lov ehim for true and its the sam ealso from his side.But I'm a very short tempered person.The first year we were living in together as he was in my country doing the ERASMUS programm.We understand each other very well .He is veryfaithful and so am I.But th elast we would fight a lot.Mostly because of me.I would get irritated for very small things and I would destroy th everything in the room.

My poor boyfriend would pick them up and has lots pf patience.Then i would abuse him when I lost my temper..and also his family especially his mother.I would call her names and my we would fights over that.But at the end he would always make me understand that what I was doing was not right. His parents also cam eto know about my fighting nature and warned him to stay away from me.The knew i would abuse them.Then after a year he went back to his country and we are still in the relation as He is very honest.His parents were against him coming to meet me.He had to wage a war at home to try to convince them.He sufferes a lot at home as eveyrtime his parents taunt him because of this relation. feel very bad...because i love him for true.But I cannot control my self when i loose my cool.and i start abusing him and his whole family he keeps on tolerating it !!!!I feel very bad for him.Sometimes I think ,I dont deserev a guy like him.I told him many times i will break up..but i just tell so..as i know i will never only in that moment when i loose my cool i tell so many horrible words,I curse him,tear our pics and when i m normal go and print them back !!I hate my behaviour i think IM depressed sometimes.

I compare him to other boyfriends and fight with him.He tolerates also that.And the worst part is that I fight with exactly before his exams and he his not able to concentrate..I keep on calling him and when he answers I start offending so he doenst answer my calls..tehn i block him on fb nearly 100 times I did this.Then again i apologise and we r friends back again..I dont what happens to me once I loose my cool.I m very very short tempered.I loose my cool only with my boyfriend and get irritated only with him.Im normally a very good person.I never was like this!!!!This is also affecting my studies as once after a fight Im so pissed off I have no concentration more.My boyfriend supports me always on how to study and so in vevry way possible.sometimes I expect a lot from him.

I SHOW THE ANGER OF HIS FAMILY ON HIM.I know his family hates me.so when i loose my cool i show all that frustrtaion on him.Im really scred of my behaviour .As i dont want to loose him and regret later!!!He suffereing a lot because of me.!!!The only problem in my relationship is my offending and my short tempered nature!!!!!that too only with him!!!!!!!!!He is a gem of a person.Now as we r in lobg distance we dont fight that much as we used to.!!!but when we fight its worse..as I keep on offending and never stop..a small reason is enough for me.When we fight he doesnt liek me and tells he needs mature girl unlike me!!!!!!I hate my behvaiour sometiems i fight i block him i tell i break up with him then i cry.Then later i feel bad for treating him badly...Im fed up.I dont want to contiune in this way..........I KNOW I LOVE HIM...AND WE WNAT TA FUTURE TOGETHR..BUT MY ANGER IS SPOILING EVERYTHING !!!!PLZZZZZZZZZZ HELP ME :( ;(

Post Edited By Moderator (getting by) : 5/20/2015 1:14:52 PM (GMT-6)

Posted 5/20/2015 7:16 PM (GMT 0)
Piccoli... I gave your post paragraphs to make it easier to read. Please use paragraphs for us older members. Thank you....

It sounds like you need help with anger. See a therapist or go to an anger management class.

I hope you don't lose your boyfriend...

Hugs, Karen...
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