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Posted 7/20/2015 12:08 AM (GMT 0)
Hi there. I feel strange posting this to people I don't know, but I don't know what to do.


I was diagnosed with depression, anxiety disorder, and ADHD about 10 years ago. I've been on and off of medication, because I don't like how it makes me feel.

My point of this post is...I just need to talk...to people who understand. My boyfriend of 5 years and I broke up 3 weeks ago. The day before we ended it we had said that we were going to try to work on our issues. I told him that one of my biggest problems was that I didn't feel I could talk to him about my depression, because he looks down on it. I told him that that when I came to, that's when I realized I needed help and went back on medication.

The day after that, he tells me that I'm too erratic, and I couldn't love him if I don't love myself (I HATE when people say that) and he couldn't be with someone who was so selfish. He went on to say that "I never loved him" if I didn't think of how my behavior affects him .

I feel...awful. it made me not want to open up to anyone about this kind of thing again. He should be the one person I could open up to, and he beat me down. I feel like I can't breathe, like I'm scum. I just don't know what to do...

Post Edited By Moderator (getting by) : 7/19/2015 6:36:25 PM (GMT-6)

Posted 7/20/2015 12:45 AM (GMT 0)
Hi Underdog, and welcome to the forum. I am sorry for how you are feeling.

I am glad you feel you can open up here. You know, there are other ways to work on our mental health issues beside medications. There is therapy, reading books and learning mindfulness. mindful.org is a really good site to learn coping skills.

Don't let this bring you down. Do some things to work on yourself. Do learn to love yourself too. It is real important. You are letting this one thing in life cause you a lot of pain. I know it hurts, but we do have to move on and live our lives.

I had to edit one sentence in your post. It was too descriptive. We can't discuss suicide attempts here. I am sorry... But that doesn't mean that it isn't important. You need to address this with a therapist or a doctor.

I am glad you are back on medications. I hope that they are helping. I hope you go to therapy, it really does help to have that support system.

Our behavior can effect other people even if we don't see it. It can hurt people and drive them away. I hope you can find something to help you feel better. Take this time to work on you and the issues that you have. Be good to yourself. Know that you are a good person and you will get through this.

Best wishes...

Hugs, Karen...
Posted 7/20/2015 3:08 PM (GMT 0)
Welcome Underdog,

the very fact that you have dark thoughts is a sign that therapy might be very useful for you. I can state this because I am in therapy and have mega dark thoughts. Know that life is like a roller coaster stretched out. We often end up in the dips/darkness. We always climb out though!

We have a Resource thread at the top of this forum, there is 4-5 pages of helpful information from phone numbers to books to help you.

My favorite go to's are Art, Journaling and re-reading THE MINDFUL PATH TO SELF-COMPASSION.

Relationships are hard. I believe that if you have to work to hard to keep and BF/GF it was not meant to be. The reason is, with commitment and marriage, when trouble comes it will be hard enough to get through with a basis of trust and friendship grown from when times were happy! Five years is a long time. Question of commitment often is know by now.

I wish you peace and strength. Keep posting here, we support and listen the best we can.
Trina
Posted 7/20/2015 4:29 PM (GMT 0)
Sorry to hear about your trouble Underdog. This group here is a safe haven of support. You can discuss issues openly and get some genuine feedback from people who understand. Depression is difficult to control. It is hard on those around us, but it is a 2 way street and your loved ones should support you when you are down. I hope that you are able to find strength and a new partner who is the right match for you. They are out there!
Posted 7/22/2015 1:39 AM (GMT 0)
smhair
My name is too tired. I can really understand how you are feeling. I just left my husband of 12 years in CA to come back home. I suffer from pats from 13 years of being raised by a pediphile who was busy building a child sized harem. I lived with a HA (biker) son who thought the only way to make your woman listen was to choke her till she turned blue. I had to wear sunglasses all the time to work to hide the black eyes. The man I married I actually loved, until he told me that I was being a disobedient wife. I think I've finally snapped. I came home, nailed my windows shut, put black tape over my door windows, and nailed chains to my back door so no one can come in. I am supposed to be on antidepressants, but they make me feel funny. I hope that you can find help for how you are feeling. Don't let it go as long as I did. You can get back on normal, it's way too late for me.

Post Edited (Tootired52) : 7/21/2015 7:58:58 PM (GMT-6)

Posted 7/22/2015 2:02 AM (GMT 0)
I knew before I wrote this that no one was listening. Its ok. Marshall told me that no one out there really cares about people like us. They are afraid of the dark. I relish it. Its what keeps me safe.
Posted 7/22/2015 7:51 AM (GMT 0)
Hi Tootired52,

Welcome to the forum.

I hope that things get better.

I will write more soon. Just got up.

Hugs, Karen...
Posted 7/22/2015 1:52 PM (GMT 0)
Welcome tootired,

sometimes it just take a while for people to respond. There are people that care want to support warriors like you who have survived.

ncadv.org/need-support/what-is-domestic-violence this is a link to a great national group that can at least point you in the right direction for a local support group for you.

anti-depressiants are worth the effort to try for at least 4 months so you get used to them. Also most people have to try 3-5 before they find the one or combo of meds that work for them. Seeing phyciatrist for the meds is key.

AND FOR the record. You were fine posting on this thread. No harm was done. If you would like to start your own in time that is fine. ASDF is incorrect.

I wish you peace and strength
Trina
Posted 7/22/2015 2:19 PM (GMT 0)
Hi all,

Trina is right, we can post pretty much anywhere we want. Though Tootired, if you feel like it, feel free to start a thread of your own. You will probably get more responses that way... And again, welcome to the forum.

It is not too late for you Tootired. You can rebuild your life. You have had bad experiences, but you will get past that, you learn from it, and it will make you stronger.

I hope that you keep reading and posting and that you don't feel alone. We are here for you. Sometimes the forum gets slow, weekends especially, but keep checking back. Know we do care.
when asdf23 is posting, it is his/her opinion, that is all. There are many caring members here on this forum.

Hugs, Karen...
Posted 7/22/2015 2:35 PM (GMT 0)
smhair
Thanks. I did try to post on my own spot. Don't think I got it figured out.
Posted 7/22/2015 10:23 PM (GMT 0)
I am just letting them know that when you said that it was impolite to post that it was just your opinion and not rules.
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