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Posted 7/22/2015 2:40 PM (GMT 0)
Tootired Here. Still trying to climb out of this feeling that it's too late to turn back now. I wonder if anyone has had similar experiences as mine. How do you come back from this if this darkness is ehere you feel safest? I like the dark. I bought more black tape to shut out the lights. I sit in the dark and talk to my nephew. I tell him I understand now. Last year his father found him when he committed suicide. I didn't understand, but now I do. I envy him his peace. He is not in pain now. I get it Joseph,

Post Edited By Moderator (getting by) : 7/22/2015 9:31:12 AM (GMT-6)

Posted 7/22/2015 3:30 PM (GMT 0)
Hi there,

Do you see a therapist or a psychiatrist? I see both. I think that you could use some guidance as to how to get your life back. We only go around once, once you are gone, you are gone, and there is no coming back. And it isn't only you that goes, the people around who care about you lose a lot.

I don't think what you are doing is healthy for you. You are isolating your self with no way out. Please try to live. Try to open up the blinds and let the light shine in. What you are doing is only going to make you more depressed.

Get some books on depression. Get some therapy. Maybe even some grief therapy for the loss of your nephew. It can't be easy for you, but a lot of things aren't. Try to move forward and live your life. Like I said, we only go around one time.

Be vigilant with your mental health. Keep trying and never give up.

I hope that you feel better soon.

Hugs, Karen...

PS... I edited your post. descriptive again.
Posted 7/22/2015 3:40 PM (GMT 0)
I don't think you understand. I can't let the blinds open. I am not safe anymore. I can't handle anymore than I have. When I came back home, my house had been vandalized, my daughter's dog killed out of meanness, I had no food, money, all my clothes dragged outside to ruin, everything ruined. My grandmother's antique rocker put on a burn pile. It won't stop until I make sure that no one can get inside anymore. I need someone to talk to sometimes but you can't trust anyone ever. You'd have to have been where I'm at to understand. My own mother tried to burn me alive when I was six months old. There's depression, and there's revalation. The dark does not depress me. I like the dark.
Posted 7/22/2015 6:04 PM (GMT 0)
I am gad you feel safe in the dark. Who vandalized your stuff and killed your daughter's dog? Did you find out who it was? Did you press charges?

You can't spend your life hiding? That is totally screwed up... I have been where you are. Not the same experiences, but yes, the fear. The hurt.

It truly hurts to know your own mother would hurt you. Or try to take your life. Or not want you, or even hate you. It hurts pretty bad. But, life still goes on and so should you. You need to take measures to know you are safe and not have to bar the windows and doors. You need to get to the bottom of the situation, you are only putting bandages on it for the time being.

I know it isn't easy. But there should be somebody that can help you.

I am glad you feel safe enough to post here. Others will be on with advice.
Posted 7/22/2015 10:29 PM (GMT 0)
Here for you.
Posted 7/25/2015 1:23 PM (GMT 0)
Truly sorry for your loss and grief. Please try to receive the words spoken to you from here from all who respond. They come from those who have battled the sadness and hopeless feelings to some capacity as you do. Once we get to the point of severe depression our thoughts can become unrational; and we need people like those here to remind us of our value. We all have a purpose - and sometimes being down in that gutter of pain is a part of emerging us towards that purpose. In 1982 I lost my young brother, young brother in law and father to the grip of death. All within a little over a month. Feeling the grief is important; but when you begin to live there with it; it is time to call for help.
It sounds like you have had a very traumatic past. Many of those here have. Some worse than others. We are all trying to find a way to live in the here and now. I have many acqauintances who are struggling with abusive pasts. Their stories are sad. They struggle daily to move forward through the help others provide; and the strength they gain from others. You will be an inspiration to another one day. But you need to reach out of your room and let someone who cares take your hand into a healing path.
I too struggle-depression gets its grip on me daily and robs me of today many days. I just keep seeking an answer and reaching out here where they understand when no one else does. I keep 'hoping' for the emerging to come again. I do remember that 'hope' is living. Keep reaching out here.
Posted 7/25/2015 1:48 PM (GMT 0)
Thank you for your sharing your thoughts with me. I think that it may be getting better. My daughter has been laid off now, and at first, I thought, great what next. However, my daughter and I have decided to make lemonade from lemons. We have decided to start a pet sitting business. We have a huge yard with lots of shade, and we both love animals. I have reached out to family members that I haven't heard from in years. My first ex-husband, my daughter's dad, is coming over helping with home repairs and cleanup from damage done to my home. It's not paradise lovely, but it's better. My girl told me to snap out of it too and said, let's get a plan and make some positive changes instead o dwelling on the negative. Just wanted to let y'all know, I still need the interaction of people like you who understand, and I am going to be ok. I heard from a publisher who looked at portions of my unfinished book. They said that they really liked it, and look forward to seeing the finished product. They are interested in publishing the story when I finish. It's better, not great, but I can see light.
Posted 7/25/2015 2:09 PM (GMT 0)
This is truly awesome Tootired, I am glad you and your daughter put your heads together and came up with such a wonderful idea. I love animals myself so this sounds super to me...

Keep up the good work!!!

Hugs, Karen...
Posted 7/25/2015 2:35 PM (GMT 0)
Sometimes you have to use your brain, huh. My way of dealing with it wasn't working.
Posted 7/28/2015 4:11 PM (GMT 0)
tootired, just checking on you.

How are you today?

Peace
Trina
Posted 7/28/2015 4:21 PM (GMT 0)
Not better. Worse. The POS my ex left me to drive is broken down and we are faced with living on the streets. I give up.
Posted 7/28/2015 4:51 PM (GMT 0)
Go to a shelter or a church to get help. I will look for some resources for you.

Hugs, Karen...
Posted 7/28/2015 4:52 PM (GMT 0)
portal.hud.gov/hudportal/HUD?src=/program_offices/comm_planning/homeless
Posted 7/28/2015 7:29 PM (GMT 0)
Wow I wonder why I didn't think of that!!! Oh yea. Cause I broke my neck in a motorcycle accident. I already asked my church. They gave me food. I appreciate it but I can't trade food for rent.
Posted 7/28/2015 8:34 PM (GMT 0)
I don't think anybody knew you broke your neck in a motorcycle accident. A lot of us don't know your situation. Have you been to human resources?
Posted 7/28/2015 8:40 PM (GMT 0)
Sorry. Not your fault that my life's a hot mess. I apologize for the sarcasm. Believe me when I say I have tried all the usual ways. Now I understand too how people go to extremes when they are desperate. Since I have a code that will not allow me to do stuff like rob or hurt people, that limits me. Its a little unfair when you see the ones breaking all the rules suffer the least.
Posted 7/28/2015 10:00 PM (GMT 0)
Oh they suffer eventually. Karma...

What are you doing now? Do you have somebody you can stay with?
Posted 7/28/2015 10:57 PM (GMT 0)
All I have is in this house. My grandmother's pictures, her breadplate handed down for 100 years, quilts she stitched by hand, everything. If I have to I will live here with no lights until they make me leave. No family will help. They know our situation. They said, "We'll pray for you". Thanks. That and. 50 and I can buy a stick of gum. This world is full of blissfully ignorant people who haven't a clue what it's like to be down with no way out but death,
Posted 7/28/2015 11:13 PM (GMT 0)
My life continues to disintegrate a piece at a time and your prescription is to drink some water.LOL!!! The joke in that one is I don't have any water. Our water is not drinkable and smells bad. Have any other great ideas? Not to be an Ass , but I'm not even sure why I post. I guess that maybe someone someday can explain and help others understand. That yes it can be that hopeless and maybe one day
Never mind. Thanks for your concern. I'm sure you mean well.
Posted 7/28/2015 11:30 PM (GMT 0)
I live in the middle of nowhere with no ride, no family, and no friends close. If all you can say is drink water, do me a favor, get lost. You are clueless and stupid if you think a little meditation will dig me out of this depth of despair. Go talk to someone who's thirsty. Stick to what you can understand. Please stay out of people's issues for which you can't begin to understand.
Posted 7/29/2015 1:53 AM (GMT 0)
Being homeless doesn't give you a clue. When you're nearly burned alive, when you're raised by a pediphile for 13 years in an all adolescent harem, when you're gang raped by thugs who keep you in a spider web covered shack for days, when you're beaten into submission by a violent husband for five years, then come talk to me. Being homeless was a relief from what I went through, CLUELESS.
Posted 7/29/2015 7:52 AM (GMT 0)
asdf23, if you are here to help, try to be more supportive with your posts. You make it seem so trivial to be depressed, it is not. Respect others.

I am locking this thread because it is getting heated.

I hope you both can get some help. And be happy in life.

Let's not argue...
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