My son

Hi all, its been a long time. I had to cut some expenses and sadly internet isn't necessary to life. I'm posting today because of my 11 year old son. His behavior has become a serious issue. At his father's, he threatens to hurt himself, tries to run away, and throws things when he doesn't get his way. At my home I am not seeing those extremes. He argues and can be defiant and whiney but no violence ever.

He is seeing a therapist and his dad took him to see a psychiatrist. The Dr said my son is manipulative and we should call the police on him. He can be manipulative but I don't think calling the police is called for. In addition, I had to report his father for putting his hands around my sons neck and applying force enough to leave bruises. His dad has also been calling my son a monster, psychopath, and a disgrace. He threatens my son with putting him in an asylum or jail.

I'm trying to be supportive and firm. I am the source of consistency for both kids. I know my son is hurting and it is affecting his school work. I just don't know what to do to help him. I hate to see him hurt so much.

His therapist, pediatrician, and teachers all believe he may have ADHD. We're working toward a diagnosis on that now. His behavior with his dad is drastically worse than anything anyone else has witnessed. His father says the name calling (he also told our son that dads gf left because she couldn't stand my son)is a valid form of punishment. I just want what's best for my son. I've read everything I could find, I've had so many meetings with his team of professionals, and I make sure he knows he is loved but that certain behavior isn't acceptable. He's only 11 and it needs to be properly addressed so it isn't a problem that follows him to adulthood.

I should mention that he's very affectionate with me. He hasn't raised his voice with me. He's been a big help around the house. He tends to become angry over loss of gaming priviledges which isn't such a big deal without internet.

I had my patella removed from my right knee today. He understands that I'm expecting him to accept certain responsibilities when I get home.

definitely some anger issues going on with him and his father. Were there circumstances for your break up that he blames him for? I do think limiting his visits until you come to the bottom of the problem is in everyone's best interest.
all my best

My grandson had started exhibiting some erratic behavior a couple of years ago. You say he tends towards this when with his father but not when he is with you. He has problems in school as well.

Grandson was 'diagnosed' with dysthymia (adolescent depression) and ODD (oppositional defiant disorder). What I think he really has is Separation Anxiety Disorder. Most children outgrow separation anxiety in kindergarten. Some never do.

My daughter has Cushing's Disease, you have health issues too. Perhaps one of his anger triggers is being kept away from you. He's worried and doesn't have any control over where he is at any given time. He 'must' go to school. He 'must' go for visitation with the other parent. When he's home, he is better.

I'm glad to hear that he is being evaluated for ADHD as this could be so. Please ask the 'pros' about S.A.D. as well. It got so bad for my grandson (now 14) that we withdrew him from school 2 years ago and have been home schooling him ever since. He hasn't seen his father in 4 years now. Emotionally, he is more stable. The doctor doesn't want to medicate him until he has made it through puberty.

Hello

I'm sorry to hear about your family problem.

I think it's possible that your son thinks that his father's house is a hostile territory and his defense mechanism is to act in those ways. Unless of course the father is not telling the truth about your son's actions. By the way what's the diagnosis on his condition?

Have you ever had a group therapy wherein all of you are there? Talk to your son and try to understand him. You should also advice the father to do some counseling himself. He should never lay hands on a child especially his own son. And he should stop calling your son those labels, that can greatly affect your son's consciousness.

Anyway let us know how the diagnosis went. I hope your situation gets better soon. God Bless.

Sorry it's taken so long to reply. My recovery isn't going well so I've been dealing with constant trips to drs and the hospital.

My son loves his dad. We talk a lot about their relationship. I never bad talk and encourage my son to follow his father's rules and try to be thoughtful. His dad's gf recently left and he is claiming its because she couldn't stand our son. He's told my son this. My son feels very degraded by his dad and that he can't do anything right.

He was officially diagnosed with ADHD. His dad is fighting me on treatment. He doesn't want our son to receive any treatment for it and is actually taking it to court. Fortunately, the school and therapists are being very supportive.

Trina, I've made an appointment with his therapist to discuss inpatient therapy. Everything going on has him full of anger that he isn't handling well. I don't want to homeschool because the school has been awesome through this all. His dad hasn't asked to see him or talk to him in weeks. He refuses to do any therapy at this time. I've done some with both kids. I'm just not sure what to do next. I know I shouldn't baby him but I hate to see the way his dad is hurting him. His school performance is still suffering and he's having a hard time making friends.

Thanks! It's hard to see my son hurt so much. He and I are close and he seems pretty comfortable talking to me about anything. He loves his therapist and she has been a wonderful resource. She's already said she will be there in court.

AV, my friend has twins with ADHD. When they were in school, she would give them a little coffee to drink in the morning. Oddly enough, it had an opposite effect on them and helped them calm down and focus. Couldn't hurt to try it, hot or cold. When they would get home from school, she would give them each one Benadryl. It helped them 'come down' from school and ease into the evening hours. Again, might be worth a try. She didn't give them either on weekends or days off from school. She didn't use it in the summer either. Just a little help until they were old enough to try meds. A lot of doctors don't like to give meds before puberty.