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I feel like a failure constantly.

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Posted 11/20/2015 12:52 PM (GMT 0)
Lately it seems that whatever can go wrong does go wrong. I a numb I don't feel certain emotions and when I do it is overwhelming.

Within the last month I've realized that my credit card debt is over $50,000. And there is no way I will ever be able to pay it.

My relationship with my boyfriend is so rocky. He has his own issues that he is dealing with and I don't feel I can talk to him about mine.

I want unconditional love from him but know he is not willing to give that. We've had fights I get angry and yell he has told me that if I yell at him again we are done. I

I feel like a horrible human being most of the time I tell my self I give up. But I just keep going through the motions of life.

I've decided that I need to give up drinking because when I do something bad always happens. I haven't drank for like two weeks because the last time I did I got so sick from a yeast infection and also a urinary track infection my life was so miserable. And last night ended with him being mad at me and him sleeping on the couch.

I also noticed a growth on my clitorius that wasn't there before. So now I am worried about that and what he will say. I'm afraid he will think I cheated on him when I haven't.

My car has been in the shop nonstop with repairs and I worry about that bill and also I have a tooth that needs to be fixed that will cost another $1400.

Between my debt and new debt and my relationship I just am lost. I pray to God to help guide me but still feel like I am failing. It seems everything is just piling up and I can't climb out of a hole to save my life.
Dano

Post Edited By Moderator (BnotAfraid) : 11/20/2015 8:13:07 AM (GMT-7)

Posted 11/20/2015 1:52 PM (GMT 0)
Hi there, I am sorry you are going through so much. You need to talk to somebody about your credit card debt. Somebody like a financial advisor. They can help you. I had a huge debt years ago and I found an attorney that helped me settle some of the accounts.

Talk to your doc about your mental health. The alcohol alone will make you depressed. Maybe since you have stopped drinking, you will feel better in that respect. I am not sure. It does take awhile. Medication might be the thing.

I would see a gynecologist about the growth. It is probably something simple.

I hope you don't drink. It does not help our mental health a bit. But it is your choice. But the sugar in the alcohol could be contributing health from the yeast infections and what not.

You can feel better, things can be okay. But you need to be proactive about your health and mental health. You are not failing. You are just facing challenges. Life is full of that.

Take care and keep posting.

I hope you feel better soon.

Hugs, Karen...
Posted 11/20/2015 3:21 PM (GMT 0)
Welcome to the forum Dano,

I edited your post into paragraphs for easier reading.

Finding a credit counseling service for your debt. Follow their instructions and you will be out of debt in a few years. Let them know that you have the car trouble, the dentist cost coming and the doctor cost in the future.

As for the bump, this could be the last of the yeast infection. Call your gyn and make an appointment.

Great idea to stop drinking! Nothing good ever comes for over indulgence of alcohol. It causes depression, the sugars cause yeast infections as you found out, lowers the immune system. Keep up the good work on this! Try going to AA meetings for support.

If your relationship does not improve, I would consider this statement. I am not sure who said it, I read it somewhere along my journies. "if the relationship is all conflict, eggshell and work, with little pleasure, perhaps it is the wrong relationship."

Keep posting here. We are here to listen and support the best we can.

Peace
Trina
Posted 11/20/2015 5:31 PM (GMT 0)
Thanks ladies. I don't drink a lot it just seems like if I do there is usually a conflict with my boyfriend. It seems if I decide to go out there is usually jealousy issues or he tries to fight also. I just notice when I don't drink life is a lot better.

I can't get him to talk to me when he is mad he just makes statements and there is just no discussing the subject.

I truly love him and I don't want to ruin our relationship because when it's good it's great.

I have thought about doing one of those credit consolidation loans but they want you to stop paying. I'm afraid of the collector calls coming then. Because if I start getting those calls my boyfriend will get suspicious. I am so afraid to tell him about the debt cause I feel instead him possibly consoling me it will be a reason to chew me out or leave. Which I know is stupid and if he loves it won't matter.

I feel my life is completely upside down and when I start trying to change something else stupid happens and puts me back at square one.

Dano
Posted 11/20/2015 5:44 PM (GMT 0)
Dano,

Once you go to a credit councelor, they contact the people you owe, let them know the situation and negotiate payments. You pay through the credit c. Really, go in and talk to them, they will save you from going bankrupt.

Also, remember in a relationship, it takes two to make it work. You should not have to walk on egg shells all the time to make it work.

Peace
Trina
Posted 11/20/2015 5:52 PM (GMT 0)
I'm sorry things have been so difficult for you lately. It does always seem like it has to be something, doesn't it? Like you said if he loves you, your debt isn't going to matter. Taking some initiative also might show him you're serious about getting it taken care of. I think stopping drinking will be very beneficial as well. Baby steps are still steps. I hope things start getting better for you.
Posted 11/22/2015 3:23 AM (GMT 0)
Hi and Welcome to the forum

I'm so sorry to hear about how awful your life is right now. But that's how life works. When things go wrong it goes wrong hard. The important thing is to strive and survive. I think you're being too hard on yourself. You can't blame yourself for every thing.

The thing work on aside from your relationship is your mindfulness. You need to think positively and act proactively. Find a job and earn money to pay out your debts. Then sit down with your partner and talk, if you can do therapy together that would be ideal. It's a good thing you maintain your faith it.
Posted 11/22/2015 11:05 PM (GMT 0)
I'd start by not measuring yourself against someone else's measuring stick.

You've realized that your spending habits are unhealthy for your financial security. Good. Now you can find a credit advisor to help you repair the damage and get you on a better track.

You've realized that drinking has a negative effect on your health and your relationship. Good. If you find you are having trouble 'staying stopped', you can go to AA and take the steps to learn how.

You've realized that your partner has his own issues to deal with. Good. Counselling could help both of you learn to communicate better.

You've got car troubles. Maybe try to car pool with a coworker (preferably another female) so you can save up for the repair. Or, possibly take public transit.

Seeing all of this 'before it's too late' is the sign of a successful person! Believe in yourself! You are on your way!
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