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Posted 11/25/2015 10:33 PM (GMT 0)
Hi everybody,

Holiday depression has hit me hard I've been on the verge of crying all day. I been dealing with serious health issues that have altered my life tremendously and while I try my best to keep going it just really hit me today. I'm supposed to be traveling out of state tomorrow with my fiancé but I really just want to stay home because due to my health issue I can't eat solid foods so thanksgiving dinner is out. It was so hard for me to see everyone at the grocery store today all smiling and stocking up their carts full of delicious foods. I know there are people who have it worse and I try to remember that but honestly it only helps so much.
Posted 11/25/2015 11:32 PM (GMT 0)
Can you puree some of the foods so you can have some? Can you explain to the people where you are going your situation? I am sure you can find something you can have, even if it is a protein shake. Don't miss the opportunity to be with people, to cheer up and experience the joy of what the holiday is really about. It really is a special time.

Are there any kids where you are going? If so, maybe that will make it more special. I really hope you can enjoy the moment. I know it is hard. It is hard for me this year also. Financial problems and other personal problems. I try not to think about them.

Do the best that you can. You can always be excused during the actual meal if you aren't comfortable. But try to get involved in other things going on at that time. I wish you the best. And safe travels.

Hugs, Karen...
Posted 11/26/2015 3:35 PM (GMT 0)
LC,

sorry to hear about your health. I understand not wanting to go anywhere.

Honestly, all this will do is make you feel worse. Karen is right, take what you can drink, bravely sit at the table or excuse yourself to a bedroom with a TV during the meal.

Watching the football game with the family, playing with the kids. Cards with adults, listening to music, these are where the memories are really, not the food. Focus is there, but really not the warm memories.

They are in the hugs, the conversations, the game playings, the hot tea....

I hope you find you moments of comfort this Thanksgiving.

Peace
Trina
Posted 11/26/2015 4:49 PM (GMT 0)
Health issues can affect everything. *gentle hugs*

Holidays are less about the food than the social circle. Being there is a celebration. Turkey broth is good, as is tea. A pureed shake of ingredients. Little pumpkin with cinnamon sounds good to me!

My wishes for a healthy, warm holiday.
Posted 11/27/2015 3:57 PM (GMT 0)
So how did it go for you LC?

Hugs
Peace
Trina
Posted Yesterday 8:10 PM (GMT 0)
Thanks for the replies everyone. It was very depressing, I just sat alone in another room while everyone ate and enjoyed themselves. I hate living this way. Not sure what to do anymore.
Posted Yesterday 8:20 PM (GMT 0)
Why did you sit in another room? That is really sad. I would think that there would of been something you could of eaten or drank. Did you mingle with others after dinner? Do you have a dietician? You can not let this isolate you. It is up to you to find ways to interact even with the diet limitations. Don't go inward.

I hope you can enjoy the rest of the holiday season, this really is a special time. Make it your special time too.

I hope that things get better.

Hugs, Karen...
Posted Today 12:37 AM (GMT 0)
Well I went out to go sit with everyone but there was no room and no place for me to sit and I felt like everyone was just awkwardly staring at me standing there so I just went back to where I was. This is my finances family not my family that I was with. Honestly I really was too sad anyways to even want to be around a bunch of people enjoying themselves eating delicious food. I have a throat issue so it's very very hard for me to eat and when I do I can't have distractions so eating at a table of people wanting to engage in conversation like normal people do is out for me.

Fact is I am isolating myself. I don't go out with friends anymore because all they want to do is lunch, I don't have dinner or go out to dinner with my fiancé anymore and now I barley eat anything because I have no want to even try anymore. Doctors are of no help, they find stuff wrong with me but offer no treatment. I thought of doing a natural treatment plan but I just don't feel like it's worth it. I even tried Xanax for the first time today and it only made me feel worse. I had a good life and I use to be happy but now that's over and I need to accept it.

Post Edited (LAWCHICK) : 11/28/2015 5:40:37 PM (GMT-7)

Posted Today 3:05 AM (GMT 0)
I am so sorry to hear of your bad holiday. You should have asked fora chair and your BF ought to have stood up for you. What was he thinking?

Many people have chronic conditions which affect them for life, and most of these people go through a period of depression. When you feel poorly and it never gets better, the anger and the sadness can be overwhelming. It is totally normal to feel as if you cannot have a life. But, hon,that is just self-pity and it does you no good.It is okay to mourn for a while, but then you do have to figure out what you can do to feel better and live well. Most of us here have gone through this. It's still your life, and you do have a choice as to how you live it. Poor health does not mean it is over--life just is different.

So,sweetie, why did you make the choice to stay in another room? Did you want to be alone or did you want someone to notice and come after you? Not joining the family for a special dinner sends a message to your fiance and to his family. Are you under the care of a psychiatrist? Do you see a therapist? It can really help to talk with someone who is objective and can teach you some coping mechanisms and help you to see the light.

I was diagnosed with Ulcerative Colitis and Fibromyalgia in the period of about a year and a half. This was more than a decade ago. I continued on with my career and with most things,but had to learn to budget my time and my energy. The depression really hit about 5 years ago. Three years ago I had a bad UC flare that lasted for over a year, which made the fibro and depression far worse. After therapy and lots of self-doubt and debate, I chose to leave my job and start fresh. I started SCD (a special diet for people with severe colon diseases) and it really helped get the UC under control. It has taken the past two years to finally get things pointed in the right direction with a new job, through lots of depression and apathy and long-term relationship woes.

The point here is that chronic illnesses take time to learn to manage, and that you are the only person (really) who can figure things out for yourself. I always say it takes a year before someone can figure out a way to manage their illness effectively. It doesn't mean life goes back to normal. It does mean that you learn to make peace with your body and go on, despite everything. Sad but true. Feeling sorry for yourself can only go on so long before it becomes damaging. The old adage is very true--this thing we call "failure" is not the falling down, but the staying down. The longer you stay down the harder it will be to get back up.

But,you deserve to feel better. We believe in you.

Stay well,friend.
Posted Today 4:46 AM (GMT 0)
I been sick with autoimmune illness for over 10 years. I have gone on the best I could, I went to college and did an internship in the midst of my illness and have worked full time throughout . Sometimes I do feel sorry that I don't have my health but more so now I just feel like it's time for me to accept the situation for what it is. I am starting to think that I am not meant to have a healthy and happy life and maybe I need to stop with this hope that I will it's been over a decade and while i thought I was going to be ok that came to an end a year ago even though I tried to live healthy not smoke, not drink, not party, eat well my health deteriorated anyways.

I sat in the living room because I didn't want to be around a bunch of delicious food that I can't eat and watching people eat it. This is my first thanksgiving on a liquid based diet and this use to be my favorite holiday as I was a cook and major foodie. Plus I didn't want to sit there with people looking at me and pitying me while they stuffed thier faces. I also didn't want anyone to come in after me I don't want to ruin the holiday for anyone else I just wanted to truly be left alone. I guess I also feel like I don't have much to say to people anymore. They talk about fun trips they been or are going on or a crazy night out while I really don't have anything to say.

I am happy to hear you are managing your condition well and I hope you continue to do so.

Post Edited (LAWCHICK) : 11/28/2015 9:51:21 PM (GMT-7)

Posted Today 10:21 AM (GMT 0)
If you would of stayed, people may not have stuffed their faces. Just saying. You shouldn't feel you have to avoid these scenarios. You deserve to be able to be with others. I know you wanted to be left alone, that is normal. But isolating only makes things seem worse.

Do you see a therapist or psychiatrist? They can help you through these episodes. Teach you ways to cope so you don't feel like you don't fit in. Just don't let it take over your life. You are still in charge.

I hope that things get better for you. Just don't give up.

Hugs, Karen...
Posted Today 2:12 PM (GMT 0)
That would have made me feel even worse. It's Thanksgiving which yes is about being around family but its also about the food. They cooked all day for this I would feel terrible if they didn't feast till they were content because I was sitting there not eating. I do see a therapist but next week is going to my last appointment because it's truly not helping me at all and I've spent 1700 dollars on it in the past few months.

I tried so hard for it to not take over my life but it has and it has not only taken over but it has ruined it. I have no life anymore. I live in a heavily top rated resteruant area so going out is what people do here. Only one resteruant here has one menu item that I can comfortably eat and that because it's a fall special come the end of fall even that's gone. My fiancé loves eating out so now he goes out alone some nights for dinner. I stay home and it may seem like I'm isolating but what am I suppose to do? He order a full meal while I just sit there and sip water and watch him eat? My friends want to go for lunch and I just can't bring myself to do it, it's easier not to have friends. My job has a Christmas dinner at some resteruant I know I won't be able to eat and I guess I can request the place make something special for me but i can't have distractions so do I demand everyone not talk or tell funny stories while I eat? I guess I can eat before hand and just sit there while everyone has huge plates infront of them but I've been in that situation before and it's even worse than staying home. I feel like no one understands me at all and that makes me want to be alone or not talk to anyone anymore. I'm not in control I haven't been in a long time. I tried telling myself I was and even tried going about life like I was the old me but its not working out.

Thank you for taking the time to reply to me.
Posted Today 3:57 PM (GMT 0)
What are you able to eat? Just curious. You need nutrition. I think if you focus more on what you can do than what you can't, things may get easier.

Talk to a dietician about it and see if they have ideas for you.

Keep trying, don't give up.

You deserve a life too.

Hugs, Karen...
Posted Today 4:43 PM (GMT 0)
Here is another thought. Enjoy watching people enjoy food, since you can't. A large part of taste is the sense of smell. Enjoy the smells of the meal. Yes, sip water with your fiance, or eat a broth, or ask the kitchen to puree some soup for you. Isn't a meal about family and social relationships, as well as the food? This hurtful illness has things to teach you as well as hurt you, and perhaps the social aspects of eating and enjoyment is the lesson this brings.

Until you feel better, this is going to be your reality. You deserve to feel as good as you can make yourself. And, yes, the old way of celebrating is out, at least for now. So, it is up to you to either be angry and mad and upset--or to discover joy in different things.

You can chose how you want to approach this in a way that is beneficial to your physical health AND your mental health.

I, too, cook,and three years ago I was cooking and then vomiting and spending the next few days in pain until the food passed through me. Eventually, another old axiom presented itself--Insanity is doing the same thing over again and expecting different results. I became very friendly with my puree stick anda connoisseur of protein shakes.

You deserve to feel better.

My best wishes for you and yours.
Posted 11/30/2015 12:38 PM (GMT 0)
Do the best that you can. You can always be excused during the actual meal if you aren't comfortable. But try to get involved in other things going on at that time. I wish you the best. And safe travels.
Posted 11/30/2015 4:56 PM (GMT 0)
Law Chick, so are doc saying there is ACTUALLY something wrong with your throat or is it that you have issuses swallowing? These are 2 different things.

I know someone who went dangerously malnurished, because he gagged everytime he tried to eat. Zanax did not work for him either.

What did work for him was mindful eating. Someone gave him a tiny book entitled "How to Eat" by Thich Nhat Nhan.

I am sure if he were sitting next to me this am, he would be crawling into my lap top to hub you and give you his copy!

At least, please go to the library, look at it decided if you want to try it. You would be amazed at what an open mind can do for illness.

Peace comfort and strength
Trina
Posted 11/30/2015 5:39 PM (GMT 0)
So, here is a little off the wall suggestion...

Invite your friends over for a 'Silent Dinner' where you only serve a liquid meal. Instead of salad, serve a cucumber soup or a beet soup. Then, the main course could be beef or chicken based. Can you do a Jello or a pudding for desert? Perhaps just a cup of cocoa?

Don't laugh. This would help your true friends to understand what it is you are going through. Help them "walk a mile" in your shoes. Everyone could wear sound cancelling ear phones and you could set dry erase boards at each place at the table with the 'markers' in the middle.

If we don't let people in to our 'new culture', how can they possibly understand?

My dad once invited a co worker and his family to our home for dinner. They were from India and were vegetarian. My mom really knocked herself out coming up with a meal. My siblings and I learned an awful lot that evening. I carry those lessons with me to this day!
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