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Posted 5/18/2015 9:40 AM (GMT 0)
I'm a twenty year old girl who has been battling depression since I was eight. As a child I was emotionally abused and at times physically abused by my father's ex-girlfriend. It's been 5 years since they broke up and I still feel the backlash from my time with her. My parents are divorced and have never had a very good relationship so I grew up in different households over the years but after the incident I started staying with my mother rather than my father. I have began to become very distant and locked away even though I used to be a very up-beat person. I had started ******* last year and have almost overdosed on multiple occasions. I go to a therapist every Friday but she just seems to make it worse. I've been confronted by friends and family who think they can help but I'm not able to accept their help. I'm to afraid to open up about my feelings to anyone I know and I am scared I might not be able to stop myself from doing something I might regret. I need help but don't know who to turn to in this situation. I have social anxiety now and hate leaving the house or even my room because of my unstable emotional state. I've started cutting myself away from the outside world and am refusing the help of doctors and my own parents. I hope one of you can help me before it's too late.

Post Edited By Moderator (getting by) : 5/18/2015 5:02:26 AM (GMT-6)

Posted 5/18/2015 11:01 AM (GMT 0)
I edited your post for content. We aren't suppose to discuss self harm or suicide on the forum. It can trigger other members.

Do you see a therapist? It would be so helpful in your situation. Childhood abuse can take a toll on us. It can stick with us for a long time.... It is good to work through it, realize it wasn't your fault. But then you have a life to live. So put it in the past. This all takes time of course. And work...

Talk to a doctor or a therapist. Get help for yourself. You are young and have a lot of life to live.

Will write more later...

I hope you feel better soon...

Hugs, Karen...
Posted 5/18/2015 4:46 PM (GMT 0)
Any,

I know your pain. Why is your therapist making things worse? Getting to close to the painful emotions? Is she being in appropriate?

If it is the latter, stop seeing her and find another, speciallizing in PTSD and abuse.

If it is the first, try being more honest with her a little bit at a time. I KNOW it is just brutal. You feel like you what to crawl into the floor and die.

I promise you, most therapists are kind, understanding and validating. If you do not get this from yours tell your Mom you need another therapist and why. Without these skills and kindness in character, it will not be possible for you to build a trust, so you can work hard to heal.

The sad truth in this world is, when we are in the most pain, we have to advocate for ourselves to get the best care.

National Suicide Hotline
1-800-SUICIDE (1-800-784-2433)
This is a combined network of the Amerian Association of Suicidology, the National Hopeline Network, CONTACT USA, and many other organizations. Call are automatically routed to the nearest crisis center to the phone from which the call for help is placed.

Helpful Web Sites:
Suicide Hotlines (listed by state)
Suicidal.com (includes Suicide Crisis Center and Depression and Suicide)

http://www.thehotline.org/ National Domestic Violence Hoteline 1-800-799-SAFE(7233)


NDMDA Depression Hotline | Support Group. 800-826-3632

Suicide Prevention Services Crisis Hotline 800-784-2433

Suicide Prevention Services Depression Hotline 630-482-9696


Above are some links and number for you to keep in your phone or purse. PLEASE call when you are in that Dark, Dark place. You know the dark place I mean. There are caring concerned people out there waiting to talk to you, help you, never, never give up. That is the only way the abuses win.

I wish you peace comfort and strength
Trina
Posted 5/19/2015 1:37 PM (GMT 0)
Trust is NOT a given, it must be earned. Even between parents and children. I left my abusive husband when our son wasn't even in kindergarten yet. We moved back to my mothers home. She died 2 days after my divorce was finalized. I was struggling to quit drinking at the time. Just a few months later, the house was sold, as per her will, and we moved into a mobile home 1/4 the size of what we had been living in. This little boy had NO coping skills. He became just as violent as his dad had been. My solution was to send him to live with his dad and to have visitation with him.

No doubt he felt betrayed and unwanted. No doubt it made matters worse. No doubt his father and step mother telling him that I "threw him away" didn't help matters any. No doubt her beating him made things even worse. I called DYFS and reported it. They 'suggested counselling'. They took him ONCE. I was powerless.

Fast forward a few years...he joined the Army right out of High School. His father died 2 weeks before he deployed to Iraq. A few months later, while home on leave, he was pulled over for a loud muffler, the police found 2 handguns in his truck, he went to prison for 3 years. I visited him faithfully, every month but one, and when he got out it was to MY house.

We've had a lot of repair work to do! Today, we have a good relationship. He has taken a chance on having a girlfriend. I'm sure he still has difficulties. He undoubtedly has P.T.S.D. from his childhood as well as Iraq and prison. I'm sure it helps him that I was able to get and stay sober. I'm sure it helps him that I didn't give up on him. He didn't give up on me either.

I want you to know that you can talk with me. Sometimes, a different perspective can be a huge help. He has been able to express to me the anger he felt, the betrayal he felt, the powerlessness he felt. I hope you find the solution too. Life holds so much promise!
Posted 6/16/2015 5:07 AM (GMT 0)
This thread is a bit old, and the original poster hasn't posted again, but I wanted to just ask....Anyabez, are you ok? If you read this, please let us know how you are now.

Please know that you can feel better. It's hard, impossible at times, to see and believe that when you are in a deep, dark hole....but please take it from us older, dark hole survivors....you can survive AND thrive. Please continue to seek help, even if it is hard. Especially when it is hard!
Posted 1/7/2016 10:10 AM (GMT 0)
Hello! It has been months since I posted here. Thank you guys for your concern.

After skipping therapy for 3 weeks my mother finally gave in to my demand to look for new therapist that could help me get better, not worse. The first few sessions were difficult for I have to tell a stranger my thoughts and my feelings which I have been keeping for so long. I am still not comfortable on doing it but this time I know that I have someone with sympathetic ears, who tries her best to help me loosen up and talk. I know that it will be a long way for me to finally get over my dark thoughts, but I am hoping that I will get over this in the end. Thank you Karen and Trina for the encouragement and for providing the links and number. Thanks pitmom for offering to talk - now I have someone to talk to that can understand what I'm really going through. And thank you too geckolady for sharing your thoughts!

Will keep you posted of the progress.
Posted 1/7/2016 11:29 AM (GMT 0)
Thanks for checking in Anyabez. It sounds like you are doing a bit better and that is awesome. Keep posting, and let us know how things are.

Hugs, Karen...
Posted 1/7/2016 1:18 PM (GMT 0)
I'm happy to hear you have found a therapist that you are finding helpful. Keep the updates coming!
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