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Depressed and disobedient adolescent

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Depression
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Posted 3/7/2016 4:42 PM (GMT 0)
My sister, age 14, was diagnosed depression last September after deciding to stop eating meat 4 months earlier. She is 210 lbs and only eats snacks and one real meal a day. She has medication for depression and sleep insomnia. The only time she has an episode of depression is when she doesnt get what she wants or when we dont agree with her. She tells us to go to hell, she hates us, she disowns me, she hits my mom. She called DSS to file child abuse on my mom the other night. My mom never hits her. My sister has counseling at school and with a psychiatrist, neither work. She only value her friends, her phone and the money we give her. My mom doesnt chastise her in any way becuase if my sister try to hurt herself, she dont want to feel like she caused it. My sister is also missing school on purpose. She is in IB & AP classes and have been since 6th grade. If she misses too many days of school, the school will take my mom to court since my sister is an adolescent. I feel so bad for my mom. We're just at a crossroad with nowhere to turn.
Posted 3/7/2016 5:52 PM (GMT 0)
Hi Nessie,

Good people always try to put the needs of others in front of their own. They spend time trying to help and fix all the people that they love, and sometimes even total strangers. But unfortunately they often forget about caring for themselves. If you didn't love your sister and your mom so much, this wouldn't hurt as much as it does. But you do. And it does.

'Kay, so let's recap: your sister is overweight, can't sleep, on psychiatric drugs, a vegetarian, and the drama queen from hell. So far, sounds like a typical 14 year old girl. ;-) BUT, the hitting part, and the fact that she's been diagnosed with depression, are both troublesome. I totally get why you're so concerned.

Don't worry about your mom, though. The best that you can do for her is to make life easier for her where you can. She might not even notice the little things you do for her, but trust me, she'll appreciate them. Sis is gonna take all of mom's energy for a while, probably not fair, but that's just the way it has to be. You're probably gonna have to do some extra stuff, and you're probably not even gonna get thanked, but you sound pretty tough, so I think you'll be okay.

Next thing, don't let your sister get you down. Here's something a lot of people don't understand: it's okay to hate the disease but still love the person. When your sister is being a butthole, remember it's the disease talking, not her. When it gets to be too much, you have to just walk away and take care of yourself. YOU are the most important person in your life. You can't help your family if you let yourself get too beat up.

You're sister and her doctors are going to figure this stuff out. Sometimes it takes years, depression is a tricky disease. While that's happening you need to make sure you keep working hard to take care of yourself. Just remember it's good to be a little bit selfish. If eveyone around you is sad, you're still allowed to be happy. In fact, sometimes just being happy and loving is the best way to help the people around you that are sad.

Nessie, I hope your sister gets better soon, but I REALLY hope you stay as strong as you need to.
Posted 3/7/2016 8:54 PM (GMT 0)
My sister has always acted this way. The only difference is that she uses her depression as an excuse now. She lies about everything. My 8 year old cousin was eating and his teeth clicked on the fork. She told him to go to hell, because the clicking noise physically hurts her. When my sister is in her room, she plays this jungle/hippie music, so loud that you can hear it outside the house. If someone asks her to turn it down, she'll get mad, say we hate her, say we're harming her, etc. I dont understand how a depressed person can be so rude and nasty. My family and I have been ignoring her bad behaviors, but they're only getting worse.
Posted 3/7/2016 9:26 PM (GMT 0)
Hi again Nessie :)

Jungle hippie music? What even is that?!? LOL

Your sister sounds like she's being a total cow. And you are so right, depression should NEVER be used as an excuse to be a cow. My guess is, even if your sister wasn't depressed, she'd still be a cow.

So yeah, moo.

Truth is, though. Her depression is going to stop her from to adequately dealing with the fact that she's not a nice person. That's the frustrating part. Normal people get that they're behaving badly and try to change; depressed people get that they're behaving badly, but they just don't care. It's not because they are trying to hurt people, it's just because their thought processes are so messed up that they do things to draw attention to their own suffering. You ever hear the saying "misery loves company"? Well it's true.

I'm curious. If you could say anything you wanted to your sister what would it be? What would you say to your mom? Are you mostly mad, hurt, or both?

I bet you already figured out that ignoring your sister does absolutely nothing. She probably just gets louder and more obnoxious. Getting mad probably won't do anything, and getting sad will probably make her feel like she won. It's hard dealing with mentally ill people, and your sister is definitely mentally ill. That said, it can be done, but it takes some work. Are you willing to put in the work? You don't have to, but it might make things easier if you do.

How are you at deflecting? It's a helpful skill I use when dealing with angry people.
Posted 3/7/2016 10:49 PM (GMT 0)
She's been in AP/IB classes since sixth grade so thats why I feel like her behavior is just bullcrap. She's one of those people thats really smart but has zero common sense. I dont have anything else to say to my sister. When I did try to talk to her about her behavior, she would ignore me, roll her eyes, interupt me, and disregard what I said. I have never understood the figurative of "like talking to wall" more than I have while recently talking to her. Ignoring her does nothing. I have realized that a long time ago. I just wish my mom would realize it. I have said all I could to my mom, on accounts of advice. She doesnt take my advice. Since my sister acted out years ago,never respecting or listening to me, my mom never had my back. Now, I just want to help my mom feel better about the situation, focus on school and moving out, hopefully sooner than later.
Posted 3/7/2016 11:15 PM (GMT 0)
I'm glad you're focused on getting out of there, distance can do the soul good.

It's not fair. You're sister is taking more than her fair share of your family's emotional resources, and is probably the least deserving of them. You, on the other hand, aren't getting nearly the emotional resources that you deserve. You really do sound like you have your head on straight, and that's pretty awesome. You must be pretty strong to have dealt with all this crap.

It's okay to be mad. God knows, I would be.

How are you doing in school? You come across as pretty smart. You in college?
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