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depression and inner deamons

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Posted 11/10/2005 3:48 AM (GMT 0)
hi all lately i have been reaa=lly down ,cant get motivated at work,dont feel like doing anything ,I know I have been a burden on my wife lately and I sit here and want to have a beer but am trying to put that deamon back to rest as I have been sober for almost 4 years now,but so  desperatly want just one beer as it  would be soo good just to forget about lifes problems for a litttle while .

I am just at that pointwhere i dont care...but i know i shouldnt have it as i know where it will lead and thats not a road i want to go back down.sorry about rambling but am sitting here trying to talk myself out of it .

j

Posted 11/10/2005 12:45 PM (GMT 0)

hi I got thur it last nite dug out my old serenity prayer from AA it maakes so much sense to me I guess I forgot about it,what it got me away from .Liz dont worry ,your right to much to lose!!I go see my GP monday gonna see if she can get me anything to help me deal better just been down alot more lately

thanks

j

Posted 11/10/2005 3:54 PM (GMT 0)
james and beth.

  new here and am totally feeling everything you said.  I have been on a downward spin lately too.  Yesterday at work my boss sought me out for the second time and interrogated me.  I needed to go home and found a replacement for myself and she told me to stay home today and that we had a lot of things to discuss.  I wrote my resignation and am giving it to her supervisor,  this is so stressfull and my husband will have to carry the load and it is the holdiay season and my grandbaby's birthday today which she lives across the US from me.  I hate this and feel very worthless and paranoid.  I too thought I should call my dr today.  This is craziness that people have to go through this and I a am a medical person and still can't help myself.

Posted 11/10/2005 4:51 PM (GMT 0)
welcome yahyah,my boss doesnt come down on me ,as I do as i please at work but lately I just walk around alot as I have no drive to do anything at work ,and the bad thing about it is Its a gov institute so no-body says anything if you work or not ..but thats not me I am used to working my butt off and I always enjoyed work ,now I hate getting up and going to work,but got to go .I just feel hopeless and useless sometimes ,and for that resaon am going to see my doc again,and you said you thought you should call your doc ,well dont just think about it do it ,dont be afraid or ashamed to tell em whats bothering you ,I am sure it will help, goodluck and keep us posted
Posted 11/12/2005 2:06 AM (GMT 0)
Hi James. Did you talk to your dr.? I really hope you don't go back to drinking as it really messes up your life as you already know. Maybe your and your wife could find a hobby you can share. Just a thought :-)
Posted 11/12/2005 3:50 PM (GMT 0)

Thanks softy,I am choosing not to start drinking as Yes I do know what it will bring,just not in correct state of mind,thats why I have had the urge to drink .I go back to my doc on monday.I agree on the hobby idea to,I have my own hobbies to keep me pre-occupied and usually work well,I just havent been myself for awhile ,i"ve shot my mouth off at people when I should'nt have ,I just know I am not feeling right so really hoping doc will help till then...thanks

J

Posted 11/13/2005 3:19 AM (GMT 0)

Thanks liz ,but everyone deserves to be happy including yourself,I am dealing ok,glad you are to ,and as far as us you are always a friend,u just had me worried about you the other day,glad things looking up for you ,they are for me too will se doc monday see what she says ,stay strong hun

.J.

Posted 11/13/2005 3:22 AM (GMT 0)
James,
I'm so glad to read that you stayed strong. God knows it's not easy. It's easy to give in. I met a man years ago who rehabed back from a horrific motorcycle accident. He said an analogy that really hit home. He said if he had a big red button to push every time he wanted 'out' he would have pushed it a thousand times, but yet every time he resisted and today he's glad he made it. So when I have bad days, I always say "where's my red button?"
I don't want to go on with my *&%#$ but just a bit of my stress is my husband has an alcohol problem, pot problem plus sells it. AHHH! I have nowhere to go since I live on SSDI so what did i do to take my mind off stuff? I built a Ford F150 into a baby monster truck. I had to do something seriously big to preoccupy my mind. It works. It killed me physically but my mind is better. Hang in there kiddo. Always log on and talk to all of us here. Truly we are the only ones who can relate. No matter how much you tell an outside person, they just can't understand what we go thru. That's okay, cause we have each other. ((HUGS))
Posted 11/13/2005 8:29 PM (GMT 0)
red rose you are right its not easy to be strong but I did because I have been at the bottom of the bucket and dont want to go back there ,its hard when you feeling down temptation seems to be there more but....i didnt do it ....I really feel for you in your situation wish I could help guess an ear , the best I can do ...
Thanks liz,I wont go back there like I said hard when down but over hat for now...I am so happy you are starting to see the light at the end of the tunel now hun keep following it...remeber the 2 glasses dont let the anxiety overflow into the depression glass and you will feel so much better
J
Posted 11/13/2005 9:24 PM (GMT 0)
Anyone want to run away? :-)
Posted 11/13/2005 10:39 PM (GMT 0)
ha!ha! redrose I run away every spring for a week to the carribean to get away from life and reality !!and the cold winters up here
Posted 11/15/2005 12:40 AM (GMT 0)
Thanks Red Rose for earlier comments you made about the monster truck.

I was very depressed yesterday and instead of falling into the trap of obsessing on it I worked fevorishly on a journal article I've been considering. Know it's not the same as the truck, but involved me investing energy into an activity. It helped. Your posting encouraged me to do that so thanks.

Hope all of you are feeling better.

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