Depression and Grief

I posted a couple of months ago about my mom passing away. We were close and talked on the phone almost every day. She wasn't the easiest of people to get a long with but I loved her very much and I did my best to hope she knew it.


Here I am 2 months later and I am still in a big funk. It scares me actually. I am on meds to help with depression and I am sure they are helping but I feel so darn sad. I saw my new therapist today and felt a little better by the time my session was over. I am sitting here this evening and I'm not better.


I don't cry a lot, some but not a lot. I just mostly don't feel like going anywhere and doing anything. It's time for me to get back to work part-time but I don't want to. I'm not being lazy, I'm just not sure I can face any kind of stress.


I am scared. I am scared I will never feel my happiness again.

getting by,

Thank you so much for responding. :)


I did feel better directly after my therapy session so I hope you are right. I want to get better. Like I said, I am scared.

I haven't worked for 2 months and financially it's time for me to work again.

I will keep posting, thank you.

Turtle,

I wish it would happen sooner than later. I am having a really hard time doing things, confronting things like going back to work.

I did get hired somewhere so that is good. I have had so many difficult depressions years and years ago that it scares me when this one hit. Like I said, my meds are working, I'm not crying much so I am thankful for that.

Thank you so much for replying to me.

Country,

Grief is a strange thing.

You can grieve at first for the loss of the mother you knew good or bad, she was what she was and you loved her.

Then a weird thing happens, you might go into a fog and wonder what is happening for a while.

All of sudden at some point you realize, ha! I am grieving for the mother I never had!

This means for me, the mother that never: hugged me, gave me cookies and milk after school, met me at grammer school even though she didn't work, oh the list goes on.

However, this is NOT bashing your parent. They really try for the most part to do the best they can with the knowledge they have/had.

That does not mean that you innately didn't know what you needed. So know you may grieve of that need.

If your journal, try free writing or writing a list of what you would have liked from your mother, that you did not receive. This may free up some emotions that you can deal with, process and put to bed.

I hope this helped, use your coping skills and keep ice near by when doing the writing/list to hold. The ice will stop a panic attack.

Peace and strength
Trina

I am sitting here crying. I don't cry much..

I am sad, sad about losing my Mom. I am sad about losing myself in grief. I really hope what you are saying is true that happiness will come back in time. I laughed the other day, first time I've laughed since Mom passed it feels like. I haven't laughed since.

I am scared I won't get myself back.

Country,

Some everyone mourns differently. It has been cliniclly [sp] [proven] that tears remove toxins from the body.

You will cry yourself out, then laugh and maybe cry again. Its ok.
When our parents die, no matter how old we are, it is then I think we realize we are an adult.

To laugh I suggest, this movies. AS GOOD AS IT GETS; MONTY PYTHON REASON FOR LIFE [?] ; ORIGINAL THIN MAN; FAWLTY TOWERS SERIES; THREE STOOGES; ABBOTT AND COSTELLO WHO DONE IT; THE FIRST OF THE 'ROAD' FILMS WITH BOB HOPE AND BING CROSBY; GROWN UPS.

YOU WILL FEEL BETTER,
PEACE
TRINA

Yes it is, missing meds puts you on a terrible roller coaster ride.
Great Job!

Peace
Trina

Hey countryhearts! Reading your post this morning made me smile. Happiness ALWAYS finds a way back in.

:)

keep strong my friends.