Posted 7/30/2016 8:19 PM (GMT 0)
Stanley:
It looks like you’re describing something called Dependent Personality Disorder (DPD).
I’m kinda familiar with that because I feel I have some of that if not a lot of.
But prior to that, you said in your post:
"We broke up in Dec 2014 and i begged everyday for 6 months for him to get back with me.
"I felt like i was dying. I probably can count the amount of times i smiled in that 6 months on one hand. I felt so low without him and it became routine for me to call from private number a hundred times a day"
I think it's good that you are reaching out for help, and not ashamed to acknowledge the degree of this situation.
The website WebMD.com said therapy and medication, the medication because often anxiety and depression comes with this situation, and those two conditions can be treated.
I'll also say this, since you're going out on a limb, for one thing. I think when you involve sex I a situation, you can become dependent on it like a drug, in this case the drug of adrenalin.
Like everything else, it comes at a price. As a single senior citizen, I'm trying to help this female who was sexually abused, and she pulled the limited sex card one time, then hit me for a loan a week later, and fell for the trap, and was never paid back.
I still talk with her on the phone, that's my dependant personality, I called this female con artist back a year later, I guess I was lonely, and we still talk on the phone. She's made a couple of references to sex, but I never responded because I remember what happened the last time.
So, I'm just, I'm staying away from that, because I know I don't do good there, and I could get hooked on the sex, and then if she doesn't answer the phone, oh, heartbreak!
So, without the sex, if she doesn't answer the phone, I'm not suffering the drug withdrawal from her withholding sex, cause we're not having sex. So, especially with a dep. per., I think you need to exercise caution about entering into a sexual situation.
That's just my feeling. I realize, a senior citizen and a 30 year old, are 2 different things.
I was the youngest child, had a passive personality, probably, always tended to drop back into the group to the bottom rung, had some experience with being sexually abused;
had the impression from my mother that if I grew up I would hurt her, since she was abused at 5 and had stunted emotional growth. So, if I, as the last child, grew up past the age of 5, I was hurting her, so it was impt. that I always stay a child.
I had a couple who befriend me, and one day he said to his wife, in a humorous way “Excuse me for living!” and I felt that may have been for my benefit, making me think that perhaps I was always thinking of other peoples feelings first.
Being alone can also get to me. If im alone, I have that problem, and if Im with someone, Im being abused, so I have that problem that there's not a lot of space in life for me.
So how am I doing now? Well im doing OK, Im alone right now. I m ok with it, really wouldn’t have it any other way.
As in, do I need someone around giving me a difficult time? No. I couldn't live with a guy. Don’t really want to live with a female who is depending on me keeping her happy or something, or keeping up with the Jones, or, or, or.
I have physical and emotional propblems so, I couldn’t do that anyway, and it would hurt me to know Im such a jerk that I was making her uphappy.
Of course, I’m not at the beginning of life, say 30, I’m a senior citizen, so my situation is different from say a 30 or 40 years old.
At from 23-28, I was dating a girl but didn't want to get married.
At 28 I had a nervous breakdown and realized, my chances of getting married just reached zero, and I would be alone the rest of my life, unless my girlfriend married me. She did.
Problem was, she had as many problems as I did, and she had been abused, and the marriage didn’t work. She had numerous outside episodes (2,000), and the child and the house situation kept me in that.
She passed from a long illness. During these now 7 years, I've lived alone and I’ve done alright. Why?
I think, because I’m on medicine. Lithium for manic-depresson. Mirtazapine for depression.
I’m typing this, I’m alone, I’m not manic or depressed or anxious, I have no desire to change my living situation. But then, I’m not 30, and I’m on medicine.
I thought you might have a DPS personality also, so here’s some things I found on WebMD, which you might want to look up on the net:
It said, “DPD is one of the most frequently diagnosed personality disorders. It occurs equally in men and women, usually becoming apparent in young adulthood or later as important adult relationships form.”
It says, “People with DPD become emotionally dependent on other people and spend great effort trying to please others. People with DPD tend to display needy, passive, and clinging behavior, and have a fear of separation.
Other signs include:
problems with decisions, fear of abandonment, pessimism, don’t want to be alone,placing needs of caregivers above their own, tendency to be naïve and to fantasize, willing to take abuse, avoid responsiblities.
Causes may be athoritarian or overprotective parenting combined with, we’ll say, shyness.
It is treated with counseling and/or medication, especially those with depression or anxiety.
What helped me also was reading a column on being positive when trying to solve problems.
I was sabatoging myself with a neg. uncon. But having read the col. on how import. it is to go into a problem with a pos. attitude, I realized, I need to clear out my uncon. of neg. before thinking about the problem.
So, I now say, think positve over and over before beginning to think about the current problem.
I can tell you, it helps me. And if you’re dep. on a guy who is out to destory you, as I was with my wife, you need to be posoitive and working on sovling yoru own problems.
I also now say, “One problem at a time, and be positive about that problem”
I can’t rem, if you work or what, but voluntereng at a hospital, senior citizens home (I'll be the one with the hat on backwards), library, school, dog pound walking dogs, can help you by helping others.