HealingWell
Search Close Search
☰

Husband depressed and suicidal. Not sure where else to vent

Support Forums
>
Depression
✚ New Topic ✚ Reply
❬ ❬ Previous Thread |Next Thread ❭ ❭
Posted 3/23/2016 6:49 PM (GMT 0)
My husband has been battling depression and suicidal ideation for around nine months now after thirty five years of depression-free living. I read so many instances of people who are depressed treating their spouses poorly or making damaging decisions but this has not been the case with him. He is such a great guy and even admits he's living his ideal life with me and our kids and his career is going great - a big part of why he is sticking around. But for some reason he doesn't feel the pain of this life is worth living. He feels like his brain is broken. He is currently seeing a psychiatrist and taking anti depression meds so he wants help. I could go on for hours but he dipped again today after about a week of feeling good (first time in several months) and I am so so so worried. I wish I wasn't alone in this. Only a couple of our friends know and none of our family - he doesn't want anyone to know. I wish there wasn't such stigma around depression. I keep thinking what if he does it??? How will my children come out of that and be ok? I am so worried. I wish I could fast forward to next year and hopefully see him living a happy life and coming out of this.
Posted 3/23/2016 7:13 PM (GMT 0)
So sorry to hear your story Ali. Depression is so hard to deal with, both for ourselves and our loved ones. The collateral damage can be significant.

Often when I reflect on how my depression has affected my spouse, I realize that I'm usually pretty good, and hold my end up in the relationship. Where stuff falls apart though, is when I realize the worry my disease causes in others. You're obviously getting a taste of that, and if I could give you just one piece of advice, it would be to keep on top of your own mental health. This disease of your husband's is going to sap you energy, and all of your reserves. Be kind to yourself.

With respect to your husband's suicidal ideation, be supportive, listen, and remind him that he's not allowed to be that selfish.

Give the psychiatrist time to perform the magic required and, in the meantime, be extra kind to yourself.

Take care of yourself, Ali.
Posted 3/23/2016 7:23 PM (GMT 0)
Thanks F27. I actually just texted my therapist to make an apt. It's been a couple of months since I've seen her and she is so good at putting things into perspective and helping me cope. So taking steps. I've also missed several days at the gym which is totally my anti-anxiety so I'm planning to go tonight. I really try not to let him see how much I worry because I know that fuels the fire, so to speak. It's very isolating because there is such a stigma. I just love him so much and wish I could take his pain away.

Thank you for your encouragement and your kind words. And I wish you all the best on managing your illness!
Posted 3/23/2016 9:18 PM (GMT 0)
Thanks.

Isolation is always an issue.

As enlightened as we like to think we've become, I understand your husband's reluctance to discuss his depression. Professionally, at least for some of us, just a whiff of mental illness can be a career killer.

You should follow my wife on Snapchat. You could swap your stories from the trenches with impunity. ;-)
Posted 3/24/2016 5:30 AM (GMT 0)
may I suggest a men's support group. pls, always seek professional support when it comes to suicidal Ideation.
Posted 3/24/2016 2:16 PM (GMT 0)
Glad to hear you are contacting your own therapist. It sounds as if you (and he) are doing the right things to try and change his feelings.

Thank you for your support of your husband.

And, I agree, the gym is very therapeutic. I started 6 years ago, to help with fibro pain, and never, ever looked back. It was so hard at first, but now my body (and mind) functions better.
Posted 8/9/2016 5:07 AM (GMT 0)
hi ali, any updates to your situation. I am going through something very similar but more recently, because of my husband's depression, everything is falling apart around him including work. and unlike your husband, mine has decided to withdraw from us and not share much. please let me know how you're doing. thanks
✚ New Topic ✚ Reply