Dating a man with depression

I have been dating a man with depression and anxiety issues for 5 months after a one year friendship. Right after we started dating he suddenly stopped calling, etc. and when I asked him he said he just wasn't feeling up to it. A month later we got back on track and it has been great ever since. We are in love. He switched his medications 10 days ago and has not been feeling well. I knew something was off and last weekend finally asked him about it.

Long story short, he told me he doesn't know what he wants, doesn't know how to open up to me and let me get close to him, (he tells me he loves me every day), and has been fighting a depression bout for a month. Basically walked out again saying he doesn't like himself. I am devastated and even though I know it is the disease talking, I am crying constantly and miss him terribly. Other sites mention that this is not unusual to just break up out of the blue, but it hurts so much. I am giving him his space, but having a tough time moving past this. Any advice is appreciated!

Post Edited (Yardleychic) : 10/10/2016 4:36:17 PM (GMT-6)

Thanks, Karen!

Thank you!

I'm sorry Yardley, that is a very tough situation. I think the best thing you can do is let him know you care for him and you'll be here for him, but like others have said, you are an important person too and deserve to be happy. You have to do whatever makes you happy, whatever that is. You can still support him through a tough time while working on making sure you're taken care of as well. Hugs to you!

keep strong, things may be different in time.

My ex boyfriend had depression, we stayed together for a year but he must have left me at least 10 times during that. In those times he'd block me and seemingly just move on. Then after a week or so he'd come back as if nothing had happened. We broke up two years ago but he's still in my life, every time i move forward a bit he contacts me promising that he loves me and can change and he'll never block me again, but as soon as i question him or doubt him or shout at him for how he treats me he just goes off the radar for a month or so.

My advise is to move on, and to cut all contact. Dealing with someone with depression is full on, and you basically have to become selfless and not expect them to care about your feelings or your struggles. Over the years i too have become depressed, almost relying on his contact, and then feeling the loss everytime he leaves again. His routine of 'I love yous' followed by blocking me everywhere has become so predictable yet you become trapped in it and it's hard to escape as you constantly feel like you've put so much time into it that you can't quit now. It's dragged me down to breaking point and now i can't meet someone new as i'm too unhappy in myself.

Leave him, block him and save yourself from a very painful life.

Yardley,

all advice given to you is on the money. All I can add is an understanding of why he does this and let you know none of it is because of you. I've suffered with Depression for over 40 years but didn't know it till about 20 years ago. It played rough and hard with my marriage although I did my best.

This disease is like a drug when it really hits - the mind roils with self-fulfilling prophecies; I'm worthless, no one can love me 'cause I can't love me, no one understands me so I can't speak out, why would anyone even like me?.....and on and on.

It's far more than that but those are some of the reasons we seem to 'walk out' on people. You need to look out for number one. If he can get control (LOL) of his Depression, he may be good for you but don't get stuck in the role of caretaker.

Brian

Remember the depression is making him do the things he is doing. Such as seeing you and then leaving you high and dry. Until he gets control of it, he is always going to do this to you.

You don't need another person to complete you. Don't hang on to his presence to feel whole. You are you, a good person, intelligent. Be you. Be yourself and know that you are worthy of love and respect. That is not what you are getting from this guy. He could be toying with your emotions.

Keep going to counseling. Do good things for yourself. You deserve them.

Hugs, Karen...

Hi Yardleychic,

I am so so sorry to hear what you are going thru. I myself have been dating someone for 10 months and he has just up and left me for the second time, just up and leaves, nothing, no calls, no texts, won't take my calls at work and he blocks me on his phone. I wrote on an earlier thread about him possibly being Bipolar II hypomania. For days and days and for many weeks LOVES me to the moon and back, our birthdays are both this weekend and we've been waiting for them all year, he couldn't wait to spend Thanksgiving and Christmas with me and all 3 of our dogs, and POOF he left 4 weeks AGO and NOTHING, he just disappears and we had a lot of things on our calendar this month, even tonight, and he just vanished.

I've been working so much on myself, nurturing myself and making sure I get up and get to work everyday and it's been so so PAINFUL so I completely know and truly understand what you are going thru. They love you and love you and then 'POP' back into your life, as if nothing happened and they don't even know how long they were gone for. :(((( Please take REALLY good care of YOU!!!

Post Edited (Barnaby) : 10/20/2016 2:53:50 PM (GMT-6)

Oh, Barnaby-

I am crying for you right now...I am so sorry. I have never been through anything like this. I, too, think Bipolar II hypomania. I have been reading for months, trying to help him, but he thinks he has to go it alone.

Yes, plans for the next year...mentioned marriage. It does make me feel less terrible to know others have been through this - as odd as that sounds.

I am getting up and going to work and my friends are looking out for me. Yes, the best advise is to care about ourselves.

Lots of love coming your way,
Yardley

Post Edited (Yardleychic) : 10/20/2016 3:49:24 PM (GMT-6)

XO XO HappyBirthday, Lisa!

Lisa, I get that....my friends are really upset that he did this a second time and my brother is furious. Mine is a loner since his divorce 7 years ago. I am, or rather was, his first relationship and I think he just could not handle it. Unfortunately we work for the same company so I will have to see him from time to time, which makes this worse for me. We have not come face to face, but we have seen each other from afar...last night in fact.
I finally realized this week that this has nothing to do with me. It is the illness. Many of the posts in this thread use the exact words he used before he walked out. I keep telling myself that. If you lost friends, they were not your friends. One of the lines in an earlier post has resonated with me. He is not loving or respecting me with this behavior.