Is this my rock bottom? :/

Hi all,

I'm new to this forum and didn't really know which topic to post under since I struggle with a couple illnesses (Crohn's disease, depresssion, CFS, gerd, arthritis, etc), but right now I'd say depression is having a huge impact on my life. I would hope that this is my rock bottom because right now life sucks. My Crohn's disease is very active, my CFS is unbearable that I had to quit my job, I have no income coming in, I just recently moved and know no one so I have no one to talk to, and I just feel like I'm batteling a demon in my head. All I can do is stay in bed during the day because I'm so fatigued and exhausted. I've never been this way- I used to be a life-loving, energetic, athletic person and now I don't even recognize myself. I don't have supportive parents so I don't really talk much to them, I've tried therapist but no one has helped and I haven't connected with any. I feel like such a loser that I can't work and feel like such a burden to the people who do know me. I was a pre-med graduate and planned on medical school but now I'm behind and it sucks to see people I went to school with perusing this dream. I'm just really down and wish I had a friend😔 Sorry for the sappy post, I need to get it out.

Hi Gemma
Sorry to read what your going through. When I vent out my worries I just feel a little better that someone read them and maybe made a remark. I feel for you, I know the negatives of depression very well.
Sucks !
Someone once posed to me, is it better or worse without a therapist ? You'll find one that suits you, there are a lot.
I like what timtam said about picking one part of the problem. If you see drs for the other ailments maybe they can recommend a therapist?
I went online and looked at a bunch of names and made phone calls. I only went to see the one that I connected with on the phone , that was understanding. If that's too much effort for you right now, maybe ask a friend/family member to help you research?

Are your parents fully aware of how bad your doing ?

I have Crohn's. Crohn's can be a nightmare to live with when it's not under control #SpeakingFromExperience. It's probably also directly responsible for much of your fatigue. If you come to the Crohn's board, we can try to help you with the Crohn's. I can't comment further without knowing more about your situation, but there is usually something which can be done.

How are you doing today Gemma? I hope that things get a little better today.

Hugs, Karen...

Sorry about the spelling. Autocorrect is awful on my phone. **listening**

That sounds like a godawful situation to be in. Where is your mum in all this? Can you stay with her or anyone else? Or move to a further away area with more affordable apartments? In the meantime, if you are in America, I've heard that getting disability can be extremely difficult over there. But people do get it and it's worth trying for - just be prepared to appeal if your claim gets turned down once or twice, because apparently that's common.

I reckon you ought to make moving out of home your first priority. Living as an adult with parents who you don't get on with is a nightmare scenario. I was in that situation for a few years. I got very lucky: I got a place of my own through social housing. If you cannot move out of home in the near future, then try to avoid contact with your dad when he comes home from work all stressed out and ready to have a go - you're not his verbal punching bag. I reckon you don't have CFS as such; you're just fatigued from the depression and the Crohn's (I've had both, at different times, and there's not much to choose between them in terms of fatigue). People do study and have careers with Crohn's; it's a bit more challenging but it can definitely be done. It does help a lot if you can get it into remission though.

Hi Gemma and welcome to the forum

As you found out you are not alone in multiple diagnosis.

I can say without a doubt that anxiety will worsen what ever also is going on.

I myself am having a rotten day with pain so the best I can do is give you a couple links to check out. I am on a whole food diet that helps tremendously. Yes it is a little more expensive depending on where you live, but I will tell you, the artificial ingredients and food dyes and nasty.

The other is a skill called mindfulness I use. I find it very helpfull, I will checkin with you later.

/www.helpguide.org/articles/healthy-eating/healthy-eating.htm

/www.helpguide.org/articles/healthy-eating/healthy-fast-food.htm

www.mindful.org/?s=high+anxiety

I wish you peace and strength

Trina

It's good to hear from you.

I've been in some of the same situations you've been in.

You say, "I have no income coming in,"

Being in a bad home environment, and having no income to get out, does create a much more difficult problem.

It's good that you can reach out for help with your computer without having to leave your house.

You say, "I just recently moved and know no one so I have no one to talk to," which can create further isolation.

You say, "I don't have supportive parents so I don't really talk much to them,"

You say, "I've tried therapist but no one has helped and I haven't connected with any"

You say, "I stated I don't have relationships with my parents but right now I'm actually living with my father since I can't afford a place of my own. It's very awkward and an anxiety ridden environment to be in. He has a stressful job and is always angry when he gets home and usually takes it out on me (verbally). I feel like I'm walking on pins and needles at our apartment and even when I think I have a decent day..the second he comes home and is extremely stressed and agitated it just makes me go into this anxious state and I end up feeling depressed"

I know you must feel boxed in everywhere you turn. I've felt like that myself. I had a horrible marriage in which my wife was cheating and wanted me to move out, except we were buying a house, and two, I wasn't working much of that time with my bipolar, and couldn't afford to move and wasn't going to give her my half of the house anyway, Plus we had a child of 3 when this started, and I wasn't going to leave my child.

So, I was kinda torn several ways, also. One thing that happened was that after awhile I started getting chest pain and didn't know where it was coming from, for I had been in the bad marriage so long, I didn't know it was connected to that.

I tried to keep my grandson during the day, and he cried and hurt my ears to where I couldn't drive or ride in a car. Then I got to where I couldn't even leave my house for there was an occasional unexpected train whistle every now and then. I couldn't even walk in my back driveway, because the train whistle might go off.

So, I know what trapped is. I couldn't ride in a car for 6 years.

Oh, and my wife would be giving me a difficult time all during this, and she would get my now teenage son on her side to ignore me all day long. She died of a long illness 7 years ago, and then my son took over given me a hard time for those 7 years.

In the last year, I've realized how much trouble he's caused me and basically on Christmas Day, I called it quits with him, his wife and my two grandchildren, because they're connected with him.

Those problems started when he was 3, he is now basically 43, so it took me 40 years to get through that, and then a new set of problems started. So, I have an idea of what you're going through.

With your parents bragging on your brother when you're in a down position, makes it worse.

Are you able to get out and around? Do you have a car you can use during the day or get somebody to drive you?

Can you get public transportation? Can you get a cab? How do you get to your therapist? Can you get somewhere during the day like a hospital and do volunteer work a couple times a week.

Something that has helped me is, One problem at a time, and be positive about that problem.

At your volunteer job, you might meet someone you can talk to, who can give you the name of a therapist, who can....

Thanks Bnot :p

Hopefully I can post a bit more often, but this brain fog is kicking my arse :-/ Recently increased my levothyroxine from 75 to 100mcg so I'm hoping that will kick in at some point and I'll have a bit more energy.

Thank you everyone for your replies. I wish I could meet some people somehow around here. I live in Massachusetts and have found it very hard to meet young people my age. If anyone has any suggestions that'd be great. Just trying to take one day at a time right now.

Good to hear from you Gemma25:

You say:

"I live in Massachusetts and have found it very hard to meet young people my age. If anyone has any suggestions that'd be great. Just trying to take one day at a time right now."

That's good that you want to get out and meet young people your age. One thing that helped me was that I was out of work, very depressed, probably panic attacks, and someone suggested a health workshop.

It was with Easter Seals. I was to be there say Monday morning at 8 a.m. Probably the first time I had been up, shaved, dressed and out in months.

My job was putting stickers on soap boxes. It also put me around people. One of them told me about a job. I applied for it and I got it. And it started with stickers on soap boxes.

But it got my confidence back, got me around people, got me out of the house and out of my doldrums.

You can do your own health workshop, I don't know the correct name for it. I think how that might be done is by volunteering somewhere, like a hospital ("Volunteer Services, may I help you?") Whoa, that'll jack you up right there. One kind voice can do it.

By volunteering, it can get you around people, doing some kind of job, worrying about something besides your problems.

It can also get you around some people who are having problems of their own, and your having had problems will be an asset. They can be telling you about their troubles, and you can say, "Well, let me tell you what happened to me one time."

And there you go, helping each other out. A hospital has a lot of young people who work there, volunteer there or may be patients there.

What can happen is the psychic energy flow can go from yourself inward, to yourself outward toward someone else's troubles, and your problems can disappear.

If you're pre-med, volunteer in a hospital might be a good start.