I'm pregnant and it's all a mess

I feel like I rushed getting pregnant, I have a ten year old and life is easy. I'm 32 and felt pressured that if I had another it have to be by 34. I haven't known bf long, but I knew he was a good guy from the start unlike my exes. I thought he would be the one and live happy ever after, but I don't think I love him.

Before I found out I was pregnant, I made up my mind I would break up with him. I have more fun without him. He's just a hinderance. I'm scared I won't cope with this baby as a single mum. I'm desperately unhappy here and me and my son want to go back to Australia, my bf is willing to come with us but he isn't a citizen and now I'm plagued by these thoughts of I'm going to have to let him live with us, support him and who knows what else just so he can be there and help me out and co parent if I have the guts to break up with him. Although I might have to put up with him for years until he can get any support there, what if I have to marry him, he's on disibilty in Ireland after an accident and basically can't work he says. I feel I may have made a mistake even though I had an urge to have another child.

I have also had anxiety and depression last 12 years so I didn't need this, and having to sell everything and move there it's all so stressful and overwhelming. I shouldn't of got pregnant, I could've been living my life free, single and happy with an easy to look after ten year old. I've realized now that I just shouldn't make big emotional decisions or risks, I've been in a relationship for near 7 years, went straight to this guy after ex when I just want a break to get back to me and just live with my depression peacefully I know that sounds weird but I've accepted that part of me and what was I thinking getting pregnant. I think I would be depressed if I didn't go through with pregnancy I just can't win.

I'm confused about this love thing. My relationship with my ex was so good I don't want anything less than. It ended because he drank and was too much a risk to be around. I can't even think about not having the baby as apart of me I think really wants this, it's just I wish it were easier, if we lived in the same country. Both citizens, each had our own place then it's not a problem but the pressure of having to look after him when I'm not sure about giving us a go, is bad, I feel if I wasn't pregnant I would've dumped him. He is comming over tommorow so I will discuss some plans but I don't know to say I'm confused about what I want with him or not. I see my therapist in a couple of days and it couldn't come soon enough.

Good things don't always come easy as we can see. Think of the baby as a blessing. You are really going to enjoy it.

Sounds like you are getting things a bit in perspective. Keep working on it. Set small goals at first. You can handle this and everything that comes before you.

Hugs, Karen...