The problem is I think I can do anything, then my depression says no you cant

It's frustrating, I've always been a leader, if I want something, I'll have it. Since I got hit with all kinds of anxiety and trying to make it to a stable place, my will and drive hasn't changed but now I get myself in all kinds of positions because truth is I can't do whatever I set my mind to, that talk is for healthy people, those quotes don't belong to me. Making decisions when you have mental health problems has got to be the hardest thing, go with what u feel in your heart and intuition, that doesn't always work coz it's complicated. Where do you draw the line of striving to get better and being positive and knowing that you simply can't do certain things anymore because you won't cope emotionally.

Decisions aren't always based on what you want but what your anxiety can handle, sometimes you think you can handle it and land yourself in all sorts of problems, it is exhausting. I hate not being able to go do what I want because of anxiety and depression so I always think, why should I miss out because if I don't do what I want I get depressed. It's hard to be defeated when you are naturally a go getter. But I'm learning lately that I need to give up, and accept this is me. I think I will learn to live with depression instead of finding my way out, I'm a positive and happy person when things are stable though it's never long until I feel empty and bored. Just a rant, I'm accepting myself for how I see myself now, I will hope that I get a better life next time around if I'm born again.

it does not define you, depression and anxiety are just aspects of us. my process of decision making has no inference that i live with mental illness. the self labeling is so detrimental to our psyche, and we feel compelled by societal norms to give in because we will not hack it. it is what is known as stinkin' thinkin'. to change others thought processes about the functionality of people wqith a mental illness, first we need to challenge our own. as a functioning consumer i am aware of my limitations, this is the crux of all things being spoken in your post, self limitations and limiting is a depressive cycle where the loop tape in ya keeps spining and spinning. what is it can we do, rather what we are limited to. like take dis out of disability, you have ability. keep strong.

Consider this...

I A M N O W H E R E

This can be read...I am nowhere

It can be read...I am now here

The way I see things depends on how I look at things.

My life has changed considerably over the years. Many things have 'caused' these changes. Having children, getting married, the death of my parents, getting divorced, etc.

I don't do the things I did before. I don't do things the same way I used to.

With help and guidance, we find our 'new normal'. After all...NORMAL is just a setting on the washing machine!

I'm the same; I have anxiety so bad, that I actually don't feel up for doing anything. But maybe if I had someone else with me, my anxiety may go away.

People get anxious for different reasons. I don't even know what triggers my anxiety, but I feel really bad when I go into busy shops. I'm not able to process the payment for multiple items at once. It's dumb, because every other person is doing it. So I normally just go to 3 separate places, when I could have gotten them all at once. But anxiety does that.

Anxiety sucks.

It's not an easy road to travel that's for sure. I'm learning that I just can't take anything on anymore, if I'm not ready for something I'm not going to push it or feel like I can do it. I'm gonna try and take the easy road in life now I think, whatever that is!

I think pushing forward is the answer. And as everyone has pointed out, depression and anxiety makes sure that you TOTALLY believe something that you shouldn't.

You can also try to observe other people who aren't depressed and figure what exactly there is that is keeping them happy, that doesn't let them slip on the slippery slop of anxiety and depression and try to fill the gap. Though, this isn't probably the best solution or could work for everyone, but this is one more way to curb it.

Hope it helps.

Tim Tam said...
Autumn:

Your post really hits home. I've had that situation, mine was depression, yours, you keep talking about anxiety, but it has the same consequences.

Mine was, I was so depressed, I couldn't function. Yours, you say, you're so anxious you can't function.

You say, 1.Since I got hit with all kinds of anxiety and trying to make it to a stable place, my will and drive hasn't changed but now I get myself in all kinds of positions because truth is I can't do whatever I set my mind to, that talk is for healthy people, those quotes don't belong to me."

So, you're saying yours is anxiety. This website also has an "Anxiety" forum. You might want to visit there and see what others are doing for anxiety, and see what they might have to suggest.

You say, "I hate not being able to go do what I want because of anxiety and depression so I always think, why should I miss out because if I don't do what I want I get depressed."

So you might be depressed, which may be why you drifted toward the depression forum.

In my case with depression, I was depressed for several or more years. I couldn't make decisions, either. For instance, I was trying to decide if I should go someplace one night, to my relatives, to spend the night or two there, or not.

I couldn't decide. I couldn't decide if I wanted to go, I couldn't decide if I could go, without having an anxiety attack, and all. If I could function around people if I got there.

I was thinking, I'll be depressed if I go, and I'll be depressed if I don't go.

Same thing with a social event. I hadn't done anything in a long time, and I thought I needed to do something. I didn't know if I could function if I got there. I got there, and I didn't do well. I don't do good at social situations, anyway, so my problem was part depression/anxiety and part I don't do good at social situations.

But it was also part, "But I should be doing something." Now, I walk my dog around the street, occasionally see people and have a pretty good conversation with people who are like me or people who I get along with.

One thing that helped is that I got out of my depression. I had been miss-diagnosed as depressive, but was really bi-polar, or manic-depressive. When they added Lithium to my anti-depressant, I basically got out of my depression/mania and anxiety.

The Lithium stopped my anxiety attacks cold, so I know it helps with anxiety. The anti-depressant I'm on is Mirtazapine, and it probably helps with anxiety.

In all of your discussion, I don't see where you mentioned anything about going to get any help. Have you ever thought about going to see a psychiatrist? You don't say anything about taking any medicine.

Have you ever though about taking an anti-anxiety? You might also be depressed, since you say you can't make decisions.

You might want to type in "Depression" on the search engine, go to on of the websites and see if one of them might have a test for depression, and see if that's what you think you might be.

A good psychiatrist can first give you a diagnosis of what your condition might be. You need that first, before you can get medicated properly. You might want to contact a woman's health center, say at a hospital, and ask someone there (the director?) if they can recommend a good psychiatrist.

To find a women's health center in your area, you can go to your computer Yellow Pages (in the search engine, type in "Yellow Pages for Your Town").

Pick one of the Yellow Pages that comes up, you might want to pick "The Real Yellow Pages," or something like that, then type in something like "Women's Health Center" and see if something comes up. Or, call a hospital or two in your city, and ask hospital information if they have a women's health center there.

And then ask them for the name of a psychiatrist.

You say: "I'm a positive and happy person when things are stable though it's never long until I feel empty and bored."

If you're depressed and bored, you might bi-polar, like I am. So you might also go to the net search engine and type in "bi-polar" and see what the symptoms are.

You say, "But I'm learning lately that I need to give up, and accept this is me. I think I will learn to live with depression instead of finding my way out."

No, it's not you, it's you without having gone to a psychiatrist.

You say, "I'm a positive and happy person when things are stable though it's never long until I feel empty and bored."

It's good that you are a positive and happy person. That person is still there, you just need some help.

Do you have anyone in your family who has had psychiatric problems? You may have inherited it, and you just hit an age when it got to you.

You say, "Just a rant, I'm accepting myself for how I see myself now, I will hope that I get a better life next time around if I'm born again."

Don't you give up on me.

Thanks for your reply, I have not tried medication because I'm afraid of it, I've been to psychologists but not psychiatrists afraid to have labels but I have thought about it a few times.

I did try asking my gp about a psychiatrist but she said we need to try and help you with a psychologist first. I moved countries and haven't had therapy here yet. Yeah I thought I had depression because it doesn't matter what I do, I feel life is pointless, I do get restless very easy I thought maybe I had ADHD or something but who knows, apart of me would like to understand better. I can be very level headed and then unstable the next in a short amount of time, I'm always changing from one end of the scale to the next whenever I make decisions, I read something about borderline personality disorder and it seemed to resonate with me but I don't think the title holds true.

I'm reading a book at the moment called van goph blues and is giving me some insight into things. My dad has anxiety and depression and all his brothers so it is definitely genetic but he too won't take medication or see anyone, determined like me to do it all and find the way on our own, it does cross my mind to try medication at times, but I guess it worries me too because to me it's like my lifeline and I think if that doesn't work and that scares me then.

Hope you're having a good day and thanks to you and others for your comments. Nice to know I'm not alone although it's not nice to know that so many of us suffer in life.

Thank you for your reply:

You said, “I have not tried medication because I'm afraid of it, I've been to psychologists but not psychiatrists afraid to have labels but I have thought about it a few times.”

That’s a world of information right there.

You are one or two medicines away from being a better person, and yet you won’t take the medicines. Whoa.

I’ve heard the sooner you get on medicine the less chance that you may have some sort of damage from your condition.

Then you say, you’ve been to psychologists, but not a psychiatrist, and note, “afraid to have labels but I have thought about it a few times.”

When I was thinking about applying for disability because of my bipolar and another condition, I was of the same mindset: I wanted the disability funds, but I didn’t want to think of myself as disabled.

I believed that for the most part, I was an able person. But to get disability, I had to admit that I was an unable person. Huge conflict. Huge chasm between the two.

So, you’ve never been to a psychiatrist partly because you’re “afraid to have labels but I have thought about it a few times.”

That’s good that you’ve thought of it. Being labeled depressive is in a way no different than being labeled with a physical ailment.

You say, “I did try asking my gp about a psychiatrist but she said we need to try and help you with a psychologist first.” That might not have been a bad idea, but if you’re still having problems you might want to consider on your own a psychiatrist. You’re still the one responsible for your care.

You say, “Yeah I thought I had depression because it doesn't matter what I do, I feel life is pointless.” Well, those are some of the signs of depression, a feeling of helplessness. Depression is treatable, there are number of conditions which are not. I think you should jump all over this.

You say, “apart of me would like to understand better” and “I can be very level headed.” Those are the parts we’re trying to reach, not the part that “doesn’t matter what I do” or that feels “life is pointless” or I can be “unstable.”

And, “And “I'm always changing from one end of the scale to the next whenever I make decisions”

In that cycle, on your good days, you need to get an appointment with a psychiatrist, in my view. You now when you go to hopeless, you’re not going to do it.

You can perhaps do this in stages. First, get the name of a psychiatrist. Then call that person if you can, the secretary will do the work, and ask you when you can come in. Just tell her, and she’ll give you a time. It’s going to be real easy once you make the decision.

You’re the biggest obstacle. I was in the same position you’re in right now. I was the youngest child, and had never learned to make my own decisions, or to take care of myself, others were handling all of that for me.

When I got off on my own, and had a problem, out of a job, living by myself, isolated, then depressed from all of that and because I inherited it, and negative mindset for I learned that also from my parents, I was trapped with only myself to turn to, and I didn’t have any practice at that.

I stayed depressed for 3 weeks, then my mind couldn’t take the weight of the depression any longer, and I had a mental breakdown. Oh, and then I got help. Little bit late, but at least I got help.

I’m seeing if we can get you to get help before it gets worse, before you collapse, before your depression has you where you can’t even get out of bed, before you have no more good days where you can’t even make a decision to get a doctor.

Do you live by yourself? Do you live with people who don’t want you to get help? Either of those can be difficult to overcome. Live by yourself, you’re both the patient and the helper, and the helper is impaired. Tough situation, one I was in and failed miserably.

You say, “I'm reading a book at the moment called van goph blues and is giving me some insight into things.”

I’ve read where Van Gogh was a manic-depressive. Did beautiful paintings and then had severe depression, and committed suicide. You know what he would have loved to have had? Lithium, to balance those highs and lows. Anti-depressants, to lift his depression.

You’ve got those things and you aren’t using them. You’re waiting for another life, but you won’t use them in that life, either, so what are you waiting for?

You say, “My dad has anxiety and depression and all his brothers so it is definitely genetic but he too won't take medication or see anyone, determined like me to do it all and find the way on our own”

You’re copying your dad’s ways. Look at him as his age, do you want to be there? Are you living there so you feel you have to take his guidance, or are living on your own?

Going to a doctor is finding a way on your own.

You say, “it does cross my mind to try medication at times, but I guess it worries me too because to me it's like my lifeline and I think if that doesn't work and that scares me then.”

You’re saying, if the medicine doesn’t work, then what?

You might have a negative mindset, like I did. You’re saying, yeah, there’s medicine, but what if it doesn’t work? You’re coming up with any poor excuse to fail that you can. Because you have a negative mindset.

I read that if you think you can solve a problem, it doubles the chances that you can. I think it quadruples, and if being positive worked with me, it can work with you.

I now say to myself, “One problem at a time, and be positive about that problem.”

Even if you did go to a psy., there would be other problems after that, and if you’re thinking negative, you’ll mess that up, also, just like I did.

So I want you not only to get to a psy., but to think positive so that you’ll be better able to deal with the next problem.

Mayoclinic.org says about depresson signs:

• Feelings of sadness, tearfulness, emptiness or hopelessness
• Angry outbursts, irritability or frustration, even over small matters
• Loss of interest or pleasure in most or all normal activities, such as sex, hobbies or sports
• Sleep disturbances, including insomnia or sleeping too much
• Tiredness and lack of energy, so even small tasks take extra effort
• Changes in appetite — often reduced appetite and weight loss, but increased cravings for food and weight gain in some people
• Anxiety, agitation or restlessness
• Slowed thinking, speaking or body movements
Feelings of worthlessness or guilt, fixating on past failures or blaming yourself for things that aren't

I am in US and here sometimes you have to have a referral. So I guess talking to your gp would be a good decision.

Don't be afraid of the psychiatrist. They are just human like us. They ask all the questions and you just answer honestly. I had a list of questions though when I went in. So if there is something you need to talk about, write it down and carry it with you. If I don't write it down, I don't ask. So a list of things helps.

Think of it this way with the medication. If you don't try it, you will never know if you can feel better. If you try it and don't like it, you can always switch or stop. It took me a few to find out what worked and what didn't. But I have been on the same medication now for years.

Know that it isn't a personality flaw. It is most likely a chemical imbalance within the brain. It isn't anything you did, the way that you live or anything like that. Some of us just need a little help. And once you start to feel better you will know. Often we feel super good it seems because we didn't realize how bad we actually felt because we got use to feeling lousy. So have faith that things will get better for you once you see the psychiatrist.

Hang in there and make sure you do talk to somebody about the help you want and need.

Hugs, Karen...