Checking in...

Thanks Chris for checking in and letting us know how things are going. I am so happy that the surgery went well. Seems like it came and went fast. I am glad your pain has lessened. I bet it was scary though for you. I am glad it is over.

I am sure you are going to have tons of feelings going on. You suffered a huge loss. Go easy on yourself. Keep up with the counseling and look into grief counseling. This will help you through. I am glad you are keeping in close contact with your therapist. And remember we are here for you always.

Hugs, Karen...

KChrispcat

Sounds like a success story to me.

Very heartwarming. All I can mange for right now.

Tim Tam

you will. it is painful, something i have gone thru. as mentioned grief counselling really helped. by living, we honour those we have lost, and in living we remember and grow with these souls forever in our hearts.

Hi Chris,

We are all here for you. Know we all care about what you are going through. It isn't easy.

Look into the grief counseling, it really does help you get through this. Remember there is no right or wrong way to grieve. We are all unique in this. And there is no time limit.

Keep posting. We will be here to help you though this.

Hugs, Karen...

I have a therapist I talk to once or twice a week over the phone. I can't drive yet so I can't go into his office. I have friends and family that help out here and there.

Losing your boyfriend, and then back surgery on top of that would be double rough.

I think you're doing very well to be doing as good as you are.

The reason I asked you is there anyone around, is because I've gone through difficulties, and have been basically isolated, and that combination made things especially tough.

For instance, I'll say about a year ago I had back trouble (hello), like severe lower back pain, and it impaired my thinking, to put it mildly. It seems like all of my problems come on a three day weekend, like on Friday at 2 p.m., when everybody is fixing to close down.

And there I am by myself. Oh, gosh. As a manic-depressive, I have enough trouble thinking as it is. Add, by myself, can't drive, sever back trouble and pain, or some other such problem, 3 day week end, and it really stacks up on me.

With the severe back pain, say a year ago, meaning I can't twist very well to get down onto the bed, and if I get down onto the bed, I can't twist to get back up very well without severe pain.

Another problem is, I had no back pain for 4 or 5 years or more, and I had no chiropractor. Well, there it was Friday, I couldn't get one if....

Only thing I had for pain was like Alieve. Only trouble is, such medicine hurts another health condition I have, and I was like destroying myself to save myself. And I had to go through like 3 1/2 more days of that, of every few hours more pain pills that were both causing and eliminating pain.

Tuesday finally came and I didn't know which chio to call. I'm not used to the web so much, so I looked in the old style phone book, my copy of which was several years out of date, and vital data was not there. I am totally turned around in every way.

(I have since learned the hard way to use the computer Yellow Pages, like the net was invented yesterday).

Takes some days to get the appointment. That's when I told myself, I have a lot of trouble solving problems on my own, I need to find a problem helpline. I had never even thought about that before.

But I have some experience with, OK, back problems, living alone, can't drive, isolated, difficulty solving problems, manic-depression, three-day weekend.

So, that's why I asked you, are you winging this all alone by yourself?

At least, hopefully, you aren't in physical pain like I was. Are you able to watch TV, or read? How is your depression?

You said, "I have having roller coaster feelings, I'm not bi-polar but lately it feel like it. I've been sleeping about 2 hours at a time. Then I sleep in the day time.

"Sometimes when I wake up I feel so empty. It's not just the grief but the grief has triggered my depression. I have been speaking with my counselor."

You said, "I have friends and family that help out here and there."

That is a big help.

Did your back problem get where it was difficult for you to walk?

Yogurt is a good thing to eat, when you don't feel like eating. I even have drinkable yogurt in the house most times.

I have this issue a lot.

So glad your pain is down Chris.

Peace
Trina

Getting out of bed with out twisting is pretty difficult. I don't really think I have ever got that down.

I had a herniated disc, spinal stenosis and degenerative disc disease.

I was rear ended by a car last July and that is what I believe was the cause of my pain.

I'm up and down all day now. I can sit up. I go places with people, I just can't drive.

I think Gabapentin makes me sleepy, I'm being weened off of other pain meds.

I watch too much tv... lol

I've always had depression I haven't always had back problems. The grief I have for the loss of my boyfriend triggers my depression and leads me to thoughts of ending it all.

Yes, I get up to eat. I make sandwiches and simple things. My cousin took me to the store and I got some groceries. People have brought me food. I'm perfectly able to get up and around though I think when I posted last I was pretty depressed and tired.

Today is a bad day. I've been in bed all day. Feeling lost. I see the doctor in a bit, maybe that will help.

The reason I asked what type of back problems you had was because I know someone who has a ruptured disk, I think is what they might call it, also, and it was hoped that maybe a chio could put it back into place, but they said that wasn’t possible.

Someone else had a back operation like you and for that you had to have insurance, which this other person didn’t have, so there was no way to improve the back, they just had to take pain pills.

Does your back hurt when you get in and out of the bed?

Has the operation improved your back? How do you feel about that? Does that improve your spirits?

My wife of 36 years died 7 years ago. I wasn’t grieve stricken, for we did not get along. My concern was, I would not be able to make it living by myself. My concerned was, as a manic-depressive, I would get depressed and/or could not manage my life such as appointments, meals, groceries, bills, etc.

The reason I thought this was because before we were married, I was living in an apt. by myself, out of a job, and got depressed from all of that, and had a nervous breakdown. I equated living by myself with collapse, and did not know what was going to happen when she passed away from a long illness.

I felt it might be like stepping off of a cliff. I had no way of knowing.
When I got through the first night, was able to get to sleep, I probably had a pretty good idea that I could make it. And the reason I did make it is, what I didn’t factor in, was that I was taking Lithium for my bipolar, and an anti-depressant, and a health food store supplement, for sleep.

In my apt., when I had my depression and nervous breakdown, I wasn’t taking anything. That collapse was the division between not needing medicine, we’ll say, and onset of my emotional problems which probably occur at a certain age.

So the collapse had already occurred, the onset of my illnesses had already happened, so I was ready to go when I went back to living by myself. The medicines gave me a second life, a second chance at life.

My mother’s mother did not have those meds, Lithium wasn’t invented, so she went scrambling from a state hospital to people’s medicine cabinets to bars and taverns around town. There but for the grace of God.

My problem with the death of my wife was, I could not clear myself from the issues we had been having for decades. My psychiatrist would say, “Forget about that.”

My problem with that and yours are close: my memories are bad, and yours are good, but similar in that they are still memories.
What helped me was a female con artist who got my mind off of my wife. A friendship like that might be what it takes to get you straight.

You say, “I go places with people’ and “My cousin took me to the store and I got some groceries>”

I think that helps. Did you enjoy your trip to the grocery store? I know being around people does my spirits wonders.

Again, two difficulties like that near the same time would probably be more than I could take, also.

I don’t know how you do it.

(Here's an example of my doubting if I could make it on my own after my wife passed away. As I'm writing this, there's a knock on the door. I answer the door. My driver, since I don't drive, has brought over some wheat-free bread for a health condition I have.

(She's walking through the house and says, "Oh, by the way, do you know you have an appointment tomorrow with the eye doctor?"

(See, and I wondered if I could make it on my own. That's why. Turns out she's going to be here tomorrow morning at 8:30 for the consultation.)

I know your emotions for you boyfriend are still very much with you. It took me years to get over the feelings I had in connection with my wife.

I'm just trying to think of ways you can get things turned around.

Does music help?

Hi Crispy,

Thanks for checking in. I hope that the grief counseling helps you. And the partial hospitalization.

I do meditation, it always helps.

I hope you feel better soon. Remember we are always here for you.

Hugs, Karen...