2nd time boyfriend wants to breakup while depressed

Even though he has depression, it is still his feelings. Depression may exaggerate them, but he is still feeling not attracted to you and still wanting the break up. Just don't put too much into this. It really is what it is. It is still his words.

You do deserve a happy relationship. .But I don't think you are going to get it with this man. How many times will he not take care of his depression and decide he doesn't want the relationship. I just see a lot of heart ache with this guy. I don't think you deserve that. You are too kind of a person. You deserve to be happy.

Take care of you. Focus on you. Forget about him for awhile, I think it will work itself out. I think you need to go forward. Be happy. Find some things that you like to do and do them.

Hugs, Karen...

Thanks, and don't think that I don't appreciate your opinions as well I just hoped for a larger amount of perspectives that's all. I realize there isn't really an alternative here because he made a choice and feels how he feels right now. I think that was easier to accept the first time because there wasn't a precedent of him coming back and saying he loved me again.

Kitty,

I get the feeling you feel down about the whole situation. Know that this time is for you too. To get stronger, more independent thinking, and to love yourself. Know we all care about here. I don't want to see you waiting on him to live your life. To be wondering what his next move will be, how he will feel about you. I want you to be strong, smart and beautiful which I know you already are. Hang in there, but move forward as much as possible. You are a wonderful person and I want you to shine!

Please post so we can know how you are doing.

Hugs, Karen...

I am happy you found closure, I think you are doing the right things. I am glad you are keeping up with regular things. That means you are still moving on and living life for you. It gets hard in situations when you forget where one person stops and the other one starts. But you are doing good...

I do think he is living in turmoil. Until he gets a grip on his depression, he will be. It is hard to watch somebody who isn't helping themselves. But like you said, you can only do so much and the rest is up to him.

I think that the letter was good for both of you. I hope he takes it to heart. You sound like a very caring person Kitty, And you deserve to be happy. And you are right, we are responsible for no one's happiness but our own. That alone can be hard... We will all have our bumps in the road.

Thanks for posting. It sounds like you are doing good. I know it isn't easy. But you are trying, it will take you a far ways.

Have a happy Labor Day weekend. I can't believe it will be September tomorrow...

Hugs, Karen...

We have had some light friendly communication. We have talked about a movie that's out and a song I wrote, nothing about the relationship as that is over and I have processed it. I have started spending time again with a guy I have a lot of history with that doesn't have any expectations of me and it has been good.

I have resolved to be a friend to my ex since I no longer have an agenda to get him back in a romantic way. I just don't feel that I should turn my back on him when he is having a rough time just because he doesn't want a romantic relationship. He hardly has any friends here anymore (zero close friends aside from his sister) so I want to at least be an option to him if he needs an ear. I will not be an option for anything more again though. I feel good about this new chapter and exploring my dating options with other more stable men.

Really the only reason I am posting an update now is because I was reminded by a friend that is going through her own sudden breakup with a person who suffer's from mental illness just how much it helps to read about how others are coping or have coped with such a situation.

It gets better with time, and that amount of time varies from person to person and circumstance to circumstance. Sometimes it gets better and you get back together, sometimes it gets better when you cut the person out of your life in all ways completely and permanently, and sometimes it gets better and you find the strength to build a friendship on the ashes of your previous relationship.

You should always put yourself and your wellbeing first and go the path that is least destructive to you emotionally. If you can't let go of resentment and bitterness when you think of or talk to your ex then don't communicate with the person at all. You may think you can and find you really can't in practice and that's ok, just walk away when you realize it's hurting you to stay. I think the only reason I have gotten to this mindset about him is because of all the self work, processing, and healing I did after the last time he did this.

My song was mainly about accepting not being able to undo what has been done in your past, cherishing good memories while moving on and exploring life as it comes. He liked it a lot and so did the other musicians I have played it for. Will be developing it in band practice Sunday.

Very good.

That may have helped you turn a negative into a positive.

Pretty good.

Do you play that song on a piano, or a guitar, or are you the singer?

It sounds like you wrote the lyrics, did you write the music?

Sounds like you did. I would guess you would have to play it on a piano or a guitar, to come up with the tune. Is that how you did that?

And then match the lyrics and the tune?

Awesome.

Sounds like it comes from the heart and the soul.

You can almost hear it as you describe it:

"Accept(ing) not being able to undo what has been done in your past,

"cherish(ing) good memories while moving on

"and explore(ing) life as it comes."

Have you written other songs? Do you sing with a band?

You're very verbal and descriptive, soulful and deep feeling, which sounds like it would help you in writing songs.

You feel things very deeply, don't you? You take defeat to heart, don't you?

What, "If music be the food for love, play on." Or to help overcome heartbreak.

You said, "He liked it a lot and so did the other musicians I have played it for. Will be developing it in band practice Sunday."

Talk about bouncing back. Congratulations. You are contributing to art, and your art may be helping to save you, and others. Your response really helped me.

Post Edited (Tim Tam) : 9/20/2017 8:53:55 PM (GMT-6)

That is awesome KittyJ!