New and down

 i. New here.  Just wanted to introduce myself a little. My name is Dee. I am married with 4 children. One(our only biological) past away almost 6 years ago. The other three are adopted.  Our oldest will be 14 next month. The youngest is 8 and the middle one is 12. He is not with us right now( long story) The short version is that he is in Juvee because he tried to kill me.  We moved in with my parents last year to help the because my Mom has been very sick. I've been taking care of her 24/7 for the last 5 months. My brothers are worthless. They do nothing to help. I have been diagnosed with severe depression and anxiety for the last 6 years but have suffered from it most of my life. There have been times I have become so depressed that I have scared myself.  I feel like I am getting to that point in my life again and I am afraid of what I might do to myself.  I am trying to get help but it is really hard. I'm hoping that reaching out and talking will help.  I hope that I didn't offend anyone with what I said. I wish you all happiness. Thank you for listening.

Wow mowkitty, how wouldn't someone feel the affects, after going through all that.

Like Nanse said, you have an awful lot to handle right now and losing your only birth child, and not really have the time to really grieve that, because of older children, etc to care for is hard enough. Then having a child you so beautifully adopted, try to kill you and now he's gone. And now a sick Mom 24/7 and no family support from your own siblings .... my goodness, who wouldn't be feeling anxious or depressed ?

Somewhere in there, you must be a very big hearted lady to adopt and then take care of your Mom, and somewhere in there, you're a lot stronger than a lot of woman or even a man.

I pray you can draw on that strength, that you can't see in yourself right now and hang tight here.
You had the intelligence to come to a Forum like this and speak up for yourself.... Bravo !
That's a great beginning.

There's a lot of false-unwarranted guilt that goes along with some of what you've experienced also. I pray you can see, that you have not one reason on earth to ever feel guilty for anything that's come your way. But they say that's a normal reaction of most of us, when things go wrong with those around us or if we feel we didn't do enough of this or that to somehow 'prevent' what happened, etc. etc.. But it's not justified guilt. You're a precious lady for all you've done for these children and mom and I'm sure many others along the way.

We need more people like you on this earth ... so please stick around here for the rest of us who need to see good hearted folks like you.

Do you have a good counselor to talk to ? I found that some Churches have licensed counselors, that cost much less or nothing and won't talk about religion unless you don't mind to. In order to be licensed, they have to be educated enough, etc.

The people here are very sympathetic. I'm sort of new here too, but it has helped me to talk with understanding folks.

Hang in there for us.
Hugs to you.
Ann

Hi Mowkitty and welcome,

It sounds as if you have a lot on your plate right now. I doubt that you have offended anyone. If you haven't already, I suggest you seek professional help. It may be a psychiatrist to determine if meds are right for you, maybe a psychologist for some therapy, maybe just a support group. In any case, it's an awful lot to hancle and cope with alone.

This is a wonderful site, full of caring, compassionate new friends. Come back often, let us know how you're doing.

Peace,

Sadsunshine