Bullying and Suicide in youth

I am checking to see if we can keep this topic, as suicide is a topic that triggers some members. Though I feel this subject is important actually.

Hugs, Karen...

I don't have kids, which may disqualify me from having this conversation, but I was a kid, and I was bullied, so I can bring the perspective of my experience.

My bullying started when I changed schools between the 5th and 6th grade. I was poor, an outsider, and unsure of myself. The bullies latched on to those attributes, and had at it. But I fought back with humour. Physically I wasn't imposing enough to be a challenge, but intellectually I was able to hold my own. I developed a sense of street smarts that still serves me well 40+ years later.

The concept of safe spaces galls me. School should be a little dangerous; you can't coddle people into being effective citizens. Humans are successful because we take calculated risks, and the most effective teacher of risk calculus is failure with consequences.

Bullies are part of the risk calculus of youth. The simple solution is to outlaw bullying, but that doesn't work. The psychological pathology of bullying is every bit as complex and challenging as the psychological pathology of being a victim. We offer platitudes and bromides to victims, whereas what we really should be providing is the psychological help required for a victim to learn to cope with and counter bullying. We can't outlaw bullying, just like we can't outlaw liquor or drugs or gambling or prostitution. Yeah, there are laws on the books, but their efficacy is constrained by human nature.

I dislike bullies, in fact I hate them. But equally deserving of disdain are the parents and guardians who don't equip their children with the coping skills required to deal with bullying. Although it may sound like I'm victim blaming, I assure you I am not. These victims of bullying deserve every bit of help we can give them, but creating a hostile environment for bullies through peer pressure and rules doesn't change anything for the victim. We have to find ways to give victims the tools they need to deal with being bullied.

We must teach every kid how to be self-confident, self-reliant, kind, strong, and compassionate. This is how we win against bullying. The present day virtue signaling is laughable in the face of kids killing themselves because they've been bullied. Wear a pink shirt? Yeah, that'll stop a kid from pouring himself a bleach cocktail. What about assertiveness training, acting lessons, marshal arts, or public speaking? We have to teach confidence, not fashion sense.

My heart goes out to the victims of bullying, it's a horrible thing to deal with. Why don't we just admit that bullies are part of the human experience, and that we need to equip our kids with the means to combat them? I know it's not as easy as wearing a pink shirt, but it will definitely save more lives.

There was one recently in the states. The father of the bully made his kid run to school in the rain as a punishment for bullying. Now the father has to deal with what he did. Just saying.

It happens so much. And it is not fair to the kids that get bullied. But it has become a part of life here. And some kids get through it, some don't. The recent school shooting in Florida. That kid was bullied in the school he shot up. Sad and scary.

I can speak long and loud on these topics, personal history use to leave me biased until one day I was at a staff meeting at work.

As all meetings ended the Administrator would say, talk to residents, say hello, chat, check in on the bed bound and non communicative when you pass their door.

"It is our responsibility to be for the voice for those who can not speak for them selves!"


Same goes for any child not being treated with respect.

To this end, I share the following link. I could not give any better debate material. Each side is correct, it is when both sides join to stop the bullies, that victory and strength is found.

www.stopbullyingnowfoundation.org/main/

Peace to all
Trina