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Failing. Need to get my stuff together.

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Posted 4/19/2018 8:36 PM (GMT 0)
I have so many different jobs, I feel as if I am failing at many of them. You have to test every shift for some testing. I don't pass part of the time. I have to do a review with a tutoring service to bring my work up to par. I need to send my paperwork in for the foreign editing job--I just keep forgetting. The teaching work is fine--I am actually effective at that.

I used to be successful. I used to have some serious stuff going on in my life. Faculty, published, conferences, work groups. Great reviews. This is part middle-age ennui and part apathy and part.... I do not know. Illness? General ill health? Brain fog?

I never, EVER let things be late. Is it just the general wearing down of the enthusiasm of life? I am not in danger or anything, just feeling a need to get back on the horse, even when I keep slipping off.
Posted 4/19/2018 8:58 PM (GMT 0)
Is there anything you can let go? To give you less to worry about? Less stress?

I am a lister and it helps me to keep things in order, though it doesn't take much to mess me up. But writing down things I need to do helps when I get a little stressed.

Brain fog really messes with us. I got it from fibromyalgia.

Try not to be so hard on yourself Myself. You do a lot and you are successful at a lot. I hope you can feel better about it all.

Know we are all here for you.

Hang in there friend...

Hugs, Karen...
Posted 4/19/2018 9:11 PM (GMT 0)
They call it the new "gig economy." I have seen several news pieces on it. There is also a term, "the overeducated underclass." Lurid stories about professors living in cars and taking part in sex work--which to be clear is NOT me. I don't even have a car at the moment.

Last count, I have 6 different part time jobs, all centering around online-education and academia of various sorts. I do need to let something drop--though financially that will be very difficult.

Tired. Overwhelmed. Going to go and read. Thanks, Karen.
Posted 4/20/2018 3:08 PM (GMT 0)
Success is an ephemeral concept. I get in trouble when I allow others to define what my success should look like. I have to remind myself that overall, I'm doing okay. When you factor in mental and physical illness, my starting point for most projects is way behind that of many of my peers. Is it fair? Nope. Is it life? Yeah.

If I had to guess, I'd say it sounds like your burning out a little. Having too many balls in the air for far too long will do that to a person. Hopefully you can keep your sense of self-awareness and try to re-balance your life somewhat. If you manage to crack that nut, let me know how you did it. ;-)

I appreciate the difficulty of being a gig economy participant, and I marvel at how ubiquitous that type of employment has become in such a short time. The constant testing has to be a pain, but it sounds like it's a condition of the gig, and at least they're willing to work with you. I'm curious, as a contractor are you able to say "I'm outta here for the next 2 weeks", or do you contract for a specific time period? If you're like me, finances would make that decision, but it would be nice to think you could just book time off if you could afford it.

Oh, as an aside, if you're going to turn your car into a mobile brothel you may want to rethink the Kia.

Have a chill weekend, M09.
Posted 4/21/2018 9:16 PM (GMT 0)
Sounds as if you are overwhelmed.

Are you getting enough sleep and eating well?

Remember one thing at a time, When I worked and I was overloaded, I would tell myself. I piece of paper at a time. To get the work done.

Stay strong, you are able to do. this. Breathe, slow and remember your worth.

Peace
Trina
Posted 4/23/2018 4:11 AM (GMT 0)
remember to eat and get some sun. keep strong, sending healing thoughts. ht.
Posted 4/26/2018 2:56 PM (GMT 0)
I did have my contract cut for sixty days. I can return after that, if I wish.

I am likely burned out. I am a better teacher than an editor. **enh** Too many jobs with too many rules. I think a big reason for this is three different editing jobs with three different sets of policies.

I can tell them I am out for any length of time. I sign up for the jobs--so it would only be an issue if I was gone for a long period of time. Financially, it is not really an option.

We are taking four days in June to go to an AirBNB in West Virginia to bike.
Posted 4/27/2018 1:37 AM (GMT 0)
Having 6 part time jobs sounds insanely stressful - I can't see anyone flourishing under those circumstances.

I dunno what to suggest, other than working towards reducing the number of jobs, even if it means taking a cut in income. Does your partner work? Could you manage on his wage and, eg, 3 of your current jobs?

The biking trip sounds like something to look forward to at least. Bit active for me - I would like a walking holiday though.
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