Irritated....

So, I teach English online, starting at 7 AM (or 6 AM in daylight savings.). I am working mostly with small children. My BF complains that I am loud. I wake him up. I try to be quieter. But, really, how quiet can I be? I have to speak for 50 minutes.

We have agreed that when one person cooks, the other person does the dishes. It seems that only I understand what that means. BF will not do dishes unless I tell him to. My waiting for him to do it on his own is a failure.

I am going to try to discuss both of these things with him. Right now. I will come back, and let you know what was decided.

I am tired and sick of being irritated and mad about these.

Thinking about you and hoping the discussion went really well.

My hubby has to be pushed sometimes, too. But, he also takes over when I am ill. (have a couple of diseases that can knock me flat at times) so I think of it as a trade off. As far as the other issue I would buy him a good set of ear plugs. ;)

Do you have people at your house that you're teaching? I don't see how you could possibly do that silently... We have these issues at my place too though. We don't have a separate "office" like we did at our old place, so my guy wants to use the bedroom as the office, but often I am getting ready in there - my dresser is in there. He gets so angry when I say I am using the room, and he huffs and stomps off like a big baby. I told him to go in the closet and take his call, haha. It's a walk-in. I'd go in there if I needed quiet. Is there a place you could go? We have our issues at around 9am typically. I can't help but feel like the entire issue is because he should get up a little earlier (and go somewhere ideally). I work from home so I have to be here.

Then the other day, he really annoyed me because he washed towels, and he left my towel, and all the hand towels, in the bathroom hanging there. Who would do that? When I wash the towels, I wash ALL the towels. I told him I thought it was really thoughtless and selfish, and instead of responding like an adult, firstly, he said that he doesn't need me washing his towel, but then he went a step further to actually say that me washing his towel has caused him problems in the past because he's gone in there and there was no towel. Seriously? Go to the closet and get a towel!!!!! We concluded that I will not wash his towel in the future, and he should still wash mine and all the others if he's washing towels. I can't imagine how nasty his towels would be if I didn't wash them... Sorry, but I feel like the majority of men shouldn't call themselves men, they should call themselves man-babies.

Anyway, just thought I can relate to you situation, and in fact, I've noticed it's part of having a "man" in your life. Sometimes I wonder why I bother with it myself. I also know I couldn't depend on my guy very much. I had to once, and it worked out OK, but I was on my feet doing stuff way more than I should have been. Definitely not ideal but i am doubting any other person would live up to my expectations. Maybe i am the one with the unrealistic ideas... A man wash my towels, that's a lot to ask, even if I've washed their's 100x.

I am sorry to hear that about the relationship. I feel pretty confident about my relationship, I just have moments when I need to vent. My guy's mom definitely babied him in some ways, but he's also great in other ways. It's weird how mom's work their daughters like slaves and let the sons run wild. My sister and I were cleaning, doing laundry and setting tables since we were born practically. I never saw my brother do a single thing for himself. Fortunately for him, men get higher paying jobs, and he's managed to avoid doing the majority of those tasks throughout his adult life. Between a wife and a maid, he thinks it perfectly normal to never wash a towel. Must be nice. My guy knows things need to get done, and doesn't expect me to do them, but I try to do what I can when I can - which clearly has been unappreciated. Like your guy, he doesn't take initiative. He sort of waits around for things to happen. He doesn't mind taking direction, but I feel like if I need to ask, I am a nag, plus, I have this idealized idea of the perfect man wanting to help without my asking. I guess that's a ridiculous idea that no one should ever have. I know my mom never got one iota of help from my dad when doing household chores, even if they were borderline "a man's job" - like fixing a fence. Though I don't believe in those roles, it was more commonplace in their generation. I fix everything myself, but so did my mom, so maybe I am just headed into that territory, and that would be very bad news for me. I don't want to turn into her. There's usually a way to compromise. I think the earplugs should help. I wonder if some sort of soundmachine would help? I have one from amazon, it was inexpensive and could drown out other noises with forest sounds. If he's unemployed, maybe he should take the opportunity to get up early and look for work yick, if that wasn't something my mother would say, i don't know what is... You just had a heart to heart, I would think he would have said something if he wanted to end it? Why would he wait around? Do you think he needs you for financial support? What kind of classes is he taking? He could consider taking the early class. Do you have a garage or basement that's relatively comfortable for working? The climate here lends well to that.

what unemployed man needs to sleep later than 6am ?

sorry, but your bf sounds like a lazy ass - maybe you need to show him where the door is ?

Myself,

Just thinking of you tonight. Someone recommended this book to me: thinking I was still working with Literacy Volunteers of America.

Seems as if it would be a go book to browse from the library for you.

Glad the ear plugs worked.
Peace.


Dancing in the Rain: Leading with Compassion, Vitality, and Mindfulness in Education by Jerome T Murphy

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Dancing in the Rain offers a lively and accessible guide aimed at helping education leaders thrive under pressure by developing the inner strengths of mindfulness and self-compassion, expressing emotions wisely, and maintaining a clear focus on the values that matter most. Jerome T. Murphy, a scholar and former dean who has written and taught about the inner life of education leaders, argues that the main barrier to thriving as leaders is not the outside pressures we face, but how we respond to them inside our minds and hearts.
 
In this concise volume, Murphy draws on a combination of Eastern contemplative traditions and Western psychology, as well as his own experience and research in the field of education leadership. He presents a series of exercises and activities to help educators take discomfort more in stride, savor the joys and satisfactions of leadership work, and thrive as effective leaders guided by heartfelt values.
 
Every day, education leaders find themselves swamped in a maelstrom of pressures that add to the complex challenges of educating all students to a high level. With humor and compassion, Dancing in the Rainshows educators how to lead lives of consequence and purpose in the face of life’s inescapable downpours.
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