The loneliness is hideous

A bit of context: it's Saturday, we're having a prolonged heatwave, and England won in the quarter finals of the World Cup today. However, I haven't spoken to a single soul all day. I went out for a bit and regretted it: there wasn't a single person on their own - apart from me. Everyone - and I literally mean everyone - was with other people.

I can't bear it. I don't know a single soul in this wretched town. Don't know anyone to talk to. I feel like a ghost.

This is what nobody tells you when you are young. The absolute impossibility of making new friends after the age of 35 or so.

There is no age limit of making friends. But before declaring someone as your best friend you have to clear first stage i.e. finding only a normal friend in them. you can find friend online. Now a days finding friend online is not so tough.

There are many social networking sites which makes finding friend easy. You can use

Facebook,

Instagram,

Twitter,

Cuddll

With my personal experience I found some of my friend through social networking site. Few months back while using some social networking sites I got to know about cuddll.

When I used the app, I saw that this app is so useful to make friends in a easy way and also that there were many people like you who wants to make friends. This made me more comfortable to find friend.

Along with passing time I got some friends. It was quite nice experience with cuddll. So, with my personal experience, I will suggest you to try cuddll.

I hope this thing will work for you.

the library. I am here. the manager I have connected with in regards to service provision for people with disabilities, and a chap a bit older than me, enjoys my music, and has seen the very bands that I have not and may not!!!

NCOT from reading a lot of your posts the suggestion I'd have for you is that if you meet people, be more open minded. You seem very quick to judge people and find the fault in them and how you don't like them rather than how they could be fun to be around.

If you want to have friends, you need to start not being so annoyed by everyone that you do meet....No one will be perfect and exactly like you. Hopefully this will at least help you start making some new friends. The beauty about friends too is that you'll start getting to know more people through those people.

Hi folks. Thanks for your replies! I kind of disappeared for a few days, but I'm back now... >.>

England lost in the semi-finals tonight. Oh well

@Poliq - I hadn't heard of Cuddll before. It does look interesting - I will download it and see what it comes up with for my area. As for the others, Twitter is the only one I use. I like it, but I wouldn't say I've met anyone through it.

@Trina - I do the coffee shop thing already >_>. I have to get out at least once a day, otherwise I just feel cooped up and restless. If I'm not going to my gardening place, I usually go over to my local supermarket, where I can get a free cup of coffee or tea. Used to be able to get it inside the cafe, but sadly they changed that fairly recently and you can only get it as a takeaway now. But I still go there most days and get my free coffee (the tea is rubbish, so I usually stick to coffee).

I've heard of book clubs and meetup.com. I ought to try a meetup group, but it's plucking up the courage to go to one. It sounds easy but for me it isn't. Depression and social anxiety make it almost impossible for me to talk to people. I know I can't solve the loneliness unless I find a way of becoming more extroverted, but I need to feel better before I can talk to people - it's a vicious circle.

@HT - Yeah, the library is a possibility I suppose. Could see if there are any volunteer positions going. I've actually got fond memories of the library from when I was a child, but thanks to budget cuts, most libraries are only open part time nowadays - they are not what they used to be.

@nssg - Cheers :p

I think in small towns it's different: even during the week day you don't see people on their own a lot. I sometimes miss the city: used to live in the suburbs of north west London, so I'd go up to central London on a regular basis. I'm actually not that far from London - only an hour away by train - but the train fare is ridiculous :/ What I might do is start looking into things to do in Oxford, somewhere I can get to for a lot less.

I dunno how you get into house-sitting or dog-walking, but both are things I would deffo consider.

@Bull - Huh?

@cilly - Yeah, I reckon library work would be a fairly nice job. Good luck with that.

If I had a 2-bedroom flat I'd consider the room mate idea, but with only one bedroom it's not really a possibility. I do wish I had somebody to live with - somebody close, like a partner or good friend. My flat is nice, but literally no one ever comes here. Even my parents don't visit anymore (although that said, I'm not desperate for them to start visiting again. It just wasn't fun. Whenever my dad is outside of his own home, he gets miserable and antsy and wants to leave ASAP).

Anyway thanks everyone. I'm gonna go to a coffee morning at my GP practice tomorrow: I won't even be tempted to sleep in because I've got a blood test at 9am ;p

IPOOP
Thank you for deleting the link.

EFT is also referred to as Tapping. If a person is diagnosed with depression, it should not be attempted with out a licensed therapist trained and certified present with the client.

There are books out on it, and on uTube people train themselves and try to take care of others, the adrenaline makes them feel better for a week or so, they go off their meds, and we know the rest of that story.

So, for ANYONE interested in this. PLEASE, as your doctor or therapist FIRST.

Peace
Trina

I think there is a way back. You will see. Things change and time is the ultimate healer. One day you will look back on now, hopefully from a happier place, and think "wow, i can't believe how much has changed". It's not all doom and gloom, though most of the time I think that way. You need to get out in the world and make some connections. You have a lot of good to give, and people are missing out on getting to know you.

I know it's hard... I think you keep falling back to your parents and other people from the past for companionship, and unfortunately it seems like those people already have a lot going on in their own lives, and only a little time to see people on the outside. My family has this issue since my parents divorced. My father refuses to go out and meet people (mostly because he's cheap and broke). He goes out a ton on his own, but when he's not out alone, he wants to go to visit family and friends, but all his friends and family are in relationships, so he ends up feeling lonely. The interesting thing about him though, is that he's very comfortable doing things alone, and he even prefers it because it's cheaper. It's a strange double-standard about men being out on their own vs women. For some reason we see it has perfectly acceptable for a man to be at a bar alone, but a woman, it's frowned upon. I guess all in all, who cares what people think. You have one life, do what will make you happy - without stepping on anyone's toes of course. You need to get out and find your own "family". The word family, meaning a network of a couple people you trust and enjoy the company of. Go to some events for causes, I am sure you will meet some people. I go to some LGBTQ events and the people are always very welcoming. I live in a gay neighborhood.. it's interesting here because a lot of people are from elsewhere or transient. Feels somewhat normal to have no one - or also to meet people at anytime, anywhere. Maybe you're in the wrong city. I think the bigger city was probably more in-line with your lifestyle. Why don't you think about a move? Or a trip somewhere?

As an aside, my mom, she's a lot older than you, she's mean, conniving, evil, and she met someone.
So there ya go. If she can do it, you can!!! She went on the internet and found him somehow. I bet there's some people out there perfectly matched to you for friendship or relationship.

ditto.......if funds weren't tight, I'd be on the plane for sure for a coffee.

Do you have any animal shelters near you? If so, go and see if you can donate some time with the animals. Unlike people, they love unconditionally. No fakeness there.

I feel the same as you about most people. But unlike you, I try to get out there. I find myself clamming up sometimes, wondering why I am where I am. I keep people at arm's length.

When I go out shopping, I am pleasant to people, but sometimes I still avoid. I could care less if they talk to me most of the time. But I understand you longing for friendship. We just have to be more accepting to people's faults and what not. Nobody is perfect. You will find that they all have things that aggravate us. We just have to accept them for who they are. We all have faults.

I hope that you feel better soon. It isn't the end of the world by any means. One day at a time...

Hugs, Karen...

I am the same way to an extent Miranda. I can't think of anything to say. I get that way on a phone too. I hate talking on the phone. There is always that silence and me not knowing what to say. People probably think I hate them but I don't. I do okay grocery shopping in talking briefly to people I don't know. I can type here and emails. But when it comes to phone or face to face, I have problems.

All I can say is one day at a time. No pressure on yourself and see what you are capable of. My (great) nephew on my husband's side is 7. He has high functioning autism. I met him about a week ago. He only likes and talks to smart adults. He loved talking to my husband and he talked to me too. That made me feel good. It was so nice to meet him and his brother and sister and mother and father for the first time. I enjoyed talking to him. And the others. I did okay that time. But I still am quiet.

I hope you feel better soon.

Hugs, Karen...

Miranda, I know how you feel.

Group was hideous for me in the being. But with no family and my husband working all the time I had to do something. So I stuck it out for six weeks as Psychology.com suggests.

I have to say it was easier, but I did have meetings where I left early, sat in the parking lot and left before going in. etc... It was worth the effort in the end.

I made some friends, but they are not "close", I don't think I will ever have close friends, my trust level just is not capable. However, I people that care and that is what counts, and I care about them.

Miranda, there are people on this site that care about you and worry when you don't post. [believe or not]
I know for a fact that is hard to take in, but the truth is some times hard to accept.

You seem a well educated, literate, well read individual. It is my impression, if you someone starts a conversation with you, say in the grocery store line, "isn't hot?" "did you see the price of milk". etc.
the thing I started to do last year was an exercise my therapist gave me.

It is an observation skill, validate what the person says, than asked them something about themselves.
You can do this even if they do not talk to you first.

Things you can ask, " excuse me, I like your purse, do you mind telling were you bought it?"

any complimentary thing about their clothes, or their child, or dog etc.....

It is hard in the beginning and I still can not do it every day. But when I do, it brightens my day. And sometimes I meet people, that know people I know.

The shell feeling is the worst, emptiness to infinity. Emptiness that can not be put into words.

I promise you, it can be reversed, it can be overcome, you can rise above it. You are a warrior!

I wish you peace comfort and strength

Karen: I am so glad you had a nice visit, sounds wonderful!


I still get so upset over get togethers. Wednesday I had lunch with a person from group, he took my place as a facilitator. We talked, but I think I talked too much.
I texted and said it was nice to get together for lunch and apologies for talking to much, said I would listen more next time. Have not received an answer yet.

so I don't know if he just doesn't answer texts or he was offended.

But I can do anything to fix it. Just one more screw up to put behind me.


Trina

You mention going to groups and not being comfortable or not feeling like you make a connection.

I once went to a program where their catchphrase was "Try 6 meetings before you decide if this is for you."

I find that very helpful! Very few people are comfortable with the first time doing something. However, I try to continue to go to -whatever- for 6 times in a row. Remember, not only do you have to get comfortable with them, but they have to get comfortable with you!

Try it, it can't hurt, right?

Hi Eva Smith,

Welcome to the depression forum. Nice post. I think it may be helpful...

Hugs, Karen...