New to this forum

Hi everyone I've used the healingwell forum for the past few years, my father has prostate cancer and I've found the guys on the forum to be a great support. Now... I'm here. I'm posting because I'm struggling at the moment and thought maybe someone here may will have been through similar and be able to offer some tips about how best to cope.

In the past I've suffered with anxiety, I got through it... And for those of you here who do suffer with anxiety... Trust me.. It gets better I promise. However... Right now I can feel myself teetering on the edge...of what... I'm not sure. Not like before.. For very different reasons. My Dad is at the end stages of prostate cancer, he hasn't got long left (still praying for a miracle) ... I guess my question is... How am I supposed to manage the wealth of emotions I'm feeling. I hold it together in front of everyone but I'm emotionally and physically exhausted. I wouldn't say it's depression even.. I have too much adrenalin running around my body to allow myself to be depressed. I'm just desperately sad and wonder how on earth I'm going to cope. My Dad is my world.

Sorry for miserable post... I needed to get his I'm feeling written down. It seems to help. X

Thank you for your response. I really needed to vent last night. I think I probably will go and talk with a grief counsellor at some point, right now all my time is spent with my Dad.

I’m sorry to hear about your loss, cancer is such a horrible thing. May he be resting in peace. I try my best to look at the positives, Dad isn’t in a lot of pain, not considering the stage he is at. It’s pretty well controlled with morphine etc. That’s not to say there’s no pain, he’s very, very weak and aches a lot, it’s his very limited mobility and breathing difficulties that’s the most upsetting. We try our best to keep him smiling though.

As you will know, it’s like a bad dream, almost as if it’s happening to someone else. Every now and again, when I stop for a break, that’s when I can break down and it all gets too much. Whilst you’re in the midst of it.. you have no choice but to keep on going and going and going.

We do have hospice involved and carers come out 4 times a day but now they’re struggling to move him. Ughhh... just a horrible situation to be in. At least I know I can post here. I tend to isolate myself from close friends at the moment, even with my boyfriend... I’m distant and everything seems to get on my nerves. I do know about mindfulness and it’s something I’ve practised over the years. I guess I’m just terrified of what’s to come, I still have my Mum... she’s been incredible but it’s hard to see her when she’s upset. My brother, he can’t cope with it all and distances himself. I suppose every one is different with the way they deal with things.

Well.. today is another day and it’s time to get myself up and start again. It’s helped to post and I will look in to some sort of counselling to help me through ... I just need to be strong for everyone right now. Xx

Kathy,

Welcome to the forum.

So sorry about your Dad.

My brother and I cared for our Father for 3 years before he passed away. Our Sister stayed in KY and didn't come until his body was removed.

It is hard to carry so many emotions.

The one thing I learned is that you don't need to be strong for everyone. You are human. You are allowed to be sad that this is happening.

Siblings, boyfriend, I know family dynamics can be complicated to say the least, however, you do not have to take all the responsibility if that is what you are doing. The Hospice is there for you as much as your father. The nurse with sit and talk to you if you ask. You can cry and everything. I could not have gotten through it without the help of our hospice people. Their moral and compassionate support was my life ring.

I my eyes hurt so couldn't read all your post so please forgive me.

See if having your boy friend take you out for dinner will help, you have to eat. Being there 24/7 is not going to help. At the very least, a picnic in the yard, down the block, on the front steps, something to break the monotony!

I have sure the hospice told you the signs when the time will come. Usually there is a good 8 hours before the end. My father, all night, til 10am the next morning.

Try not to have the fear of not being there in the end.

Wish you peace comfort and strength. There will be a relief at first then the grief, let yourself grieve, it gets to bad, find a grief support group. they are good from what I hear.

I wish God Speed for you father.

Hugs Trina

Thank you all for responding. It’s really hard... my heart is breaking. We are just sitting with him, he doesn’t really open his eyes a lot but we are here with him.

K x

Kathy, I have read your journey with your dad. Your dad knows you are there for him. I lost my mom to lung cancer & I do understand where you are at. I brought her to my home from another state when she was diagnosed. The last day & half mom was completely unresponsive to anything. It was like she was in a deep sleep. If I remember correctly the nurse said it was a type of apnea, meaning the end was near & could last as long as a week in that state. Sometimes I laid beside her & would just talk to her. I knew she could hear me even though there was no response. My brother was here & my oldest sister came in from out of state. The last day my siblings looked at me & said you need to let mom know it's ok to pass on & that you will be ok. She is waiting to hear that from you so she can move on in peace. I struggled with that for a couple of hours. I finally did exactly that & it was like she did a big sigh & she was gone.

It is very, very difficult losing a parent. I lost my dad 18 months prior to mom unexpectedly. I can tell you there really is no difference in losing one unexpectedly or knowing it is going to happen. Your dad is a lucky man to have you for a daughter, this he knows.

Take care of yourself the best you can...