1 year anniv

Sorry to hear you are having a hard time with this anniversary. My mother died only about 10 minutes after I administered her last dose of morphine, so I have some idea of how you are feeling. Please don't beat yourself up, you did what was best at the time and what is done is done. I felt somewhat guilty for a while but eventually I came to accept that things happened as they were supposed to happen. Peace.

Many healing thoughts of peace. HT

hi all
Thanks for your kind words
I am feeling better to day- a sense of relief that it's all over like I felt last year
Oh I suppose the guilt will return as it did last year- but honestly it needed to be over. She didn't want to live anymore
and it was so hard to orchestrate her 24 hr care from so far

Trying to have a positive mindset for 2019
Trying to live in the now
Practicing mildfulnes meditation

Weary,

The pain and angst with dissapte in time. After awhile you will find yourself remember a peaceful time, then later another.

In the meantime, try to give yourself compassion and kindness, you did the best you could for her.
It is difficult for a family member who is not a health professional to administer morphine.

Even though the loved one is passing, we have a innate will, not to over dose them on the drug, only to relieve their pain. so how much is too much?

It depends on the person too. Are they ready to go. My mother was not, her last 3 days were in the hospital and it horrid every single moment.

Father was home and I was with him, he want peaceful.

So, you have no responsibility for how your Moms passing was, it was enough that your were there doing your best. You are a kind compassionate person, rare in this world.

Peace and strength
Trina