Hi Karen and Jamie. Thanks for thinking about
me! It's appreciated, especially at the moment.
Don't worry, nothing really bad has happened. Although I'm struggling to remember anything <_<. I'm honestly trying to think what has happened recently and failing to come up with anything. There's been the usual grind with my healthcare and trying to get appointments, meds etc. My Crohn's and eyes are still playing up, although the Crohn's inflammation doesn't seem to be very bad according to a recent-ish MRI scan. Apparently my GI is going to order a flex sigmoidoscopy (it would've been nice if he had told me that at our appointment, I only found out from a letter I got today). I'm dreading it, as the last two sigmoidoscopies have been accompanied by the pain of 7 universes collapsing.
I do not know
why they are so painful when my previous 5 or 6 colonoscopies weren't anything like as bad. It doesn't make sense. The only thing I can think of is having a stricture but even my stricture isn't a bad one apparently (although half the time I don't think they really know tbh). At any rate I will grimace and bear it because the more answers the better. I've also asked if I can change my biologic because I want to go on one which can potentially treat the uveitis as well. They are messing me around on the Stelara, so I asked about
going on Remicade or Humira instead - maybe I'll stand a better chance getting an older, cheaper biologic.
I haven't got a dog yet although I've been looking at puppies for sale - mostly Jack Russells but I would consider other small breeds too. What I've been surprised at is how far away they all are. Wales, Scotland, Yorkshire - anywhere but the county I live in or even a county next door along. I'm starting to accept I will probably have to drive a long way. I wanted to avoid that, partly for the puppy's sake as well. But yeah, I might not be able to, although my mum thinks there will be more litters in spring than in winter. She's probably right on that actually.
Did I say I've got a PIP assessment on the 19th March? The DWP rejected my request for a paper-based assessment
Means I have to have a face to face assessment. Thankfully my ever good friend is going to come down from Kent and go with me - I've offered to pay her train fare. I'm going to bring along all the evidence that I sent with my form on the suggestion of my friend: she said the assessor probably won't have seen it. That's so ridiculous I don't know where to start, but also so typical of the DWP.
I think that's about
all of the "news" - not a lot goes on in my life <_<. Oh my new wooden blind arrived and my mum's friend put it up for me (she's an experienced DIYer). Blind looked great, I was really happy with it - until I tried to
open and close the slats. Nothing. We even took down the blind and had a look at the mechanism inside, but it was broken. Phoned up the blind people, who tried to fob me off, but my mum's friend took over the phone and browbeat them into sending me a replacement blind. In the meantime, as long as I never want to
open or close the slats on my current blind, it's great! But I do, so hopefully the blind will have arrived at my parents' house when I go over there tomorrow.
(I get anything even slightly valuable or important delivered to my parents' house because postmen have a habit of just leaving stuff outside your door here if nobody answers the door - lol, here's my brand new £1500 laptop for you, flat residents.)
Btw, I haven't actually got the new laptop. I feel frozen at the moment, paralysed, unable to buy the things I've been meaning to buy (most of them not even major purchases - the laptop is the only really major thing. And the dog too, of course, but that's a bit different to a laptop or ear plugs). I've had stuff sitting in my Amazon basket for 2 weeks, still unordered. Tomorrow I must order it. A no deal Brexit could happen in 22 days and goods could be stuck in ports or traffic jams for weeks.
Brexit. Don't even talk to me about
Brexit. I've reached the stage of pretending it's not even happening and, judging by everyone else, so is the entire country. There is an eerie normality which makes me think that everything's going to be okay, even if we exit with no deal - Easter eggs in the shops, nobody appearing worried, etc. But logically, economically, legally, etc it cannot be okay. I still think May will be forced to ask for a short extension which transfers the cliff edge to July, but at this stage I don't care anymore - just get Brexit away from me plz.
As for mental health, I've felt it slipping a bit - I can tell because some of the dark thoughts I was having last summer have been bothering me again. Even the reminder of that period has been traumatic. But I do feel a bit better now, so once again, thank you guys.
I also think I might have lost a friend. I'm quite likely overreacting but that's what I do nowadays: I'm just primed to expect the worst at all times. I really do think I have complex PTSD. I'm usually wary of self diagnosis but I've got every symptom listed. As for my brother, I had such a horrible dream about
him two nights ago. He and my middle brother were chatting. I was there with them in the dream and then suddenly I was hit with a realisation: the younger brother shouldn't be here, he's dead. Then after that the dream segued into a reccurring nightmare about
not being able to turn on the lights and then I woke up.
Anyway.... I'm getting morbid now. It's deffo bedtime for me here so I'm going to get a cup of tea (caffeine has no effect on me), go to bed and try and read something nice. Goodnight guys. Take care.